I have always been a fan of the low budget B-movie but I will admit that sometimes I will watch one and wonder why exactly did I choose to watch this. Never is that more apparent than when I watch some of the really low budget movies like today’s movie. Now I know you might be wondering why I bought this movie. Well, to be honest, I was looking for some new shark movies to watch and the title got my curiosity piqued. So let’s see exactly what I got myself into as I watch today’s movie, Shark Exorcist.
The plot: Sister Blair, a catholic nun, is currently the subject of a statewide search as she is accused of the torture and death of 13 children. Making her way to the lake’s shore in Paris Landing, Blair is confronted by a young woman, who says she won’t rest until Blair pays for what she has done, but Blair quickly kills the woman and drags her body into the lake. Blair yells out to Satan to accept her sacrifice and send her an avenger, and a strange colored shark with glowing eyes is seen swimming towards the beach. One year later, Ali, Emily, and Lauren head to the lake for some fun, with Emily and Lauren working on their tans while Ali tries calling her boyfriend but when she doesn’t get an answer, she decides to go for a swim. Ali gets attacked by the shark but manages to get away and make it to shore, where Emily helps her and yells for Lauren to call for help. Some time later, news reports are talking about the about the shark attacks in the area while Emily is talking to Lauren about her not visiting Ali and Lauren gives the impression that she has been fooling around with Ali’s boyfriend. Meanwhile, Nancy Chase is filming her show Ghost Whacker on the pier and discussing the recent shark attacks. Heading to the shore of the water, Nancy asks the spirit of the water for help and she suddenly begins convulsing and begins speaking out in someone else’s voice. Elsewhere, Emily is walking with Ali, who was released from the hospital, and arguing about Ali’s attitude towards her attack but Ali ignores her and says she is going home to soak in her tub. Leaving Emily, Ali is hitchhiking back to Paris Landing and when a guy picks her up, she convinces him to go with her into the water but Ali suddenly disappears underwater and the guy is soon killed by the shark. Father Michael is informed of the death of his brother and told that the matter is being investigated. Back at Paris Landing, Nancy is filming another segment for her show and says she believes the shark is possessed by a demon but is interrupted by Brianna Bennett, from a show called Ghost Faker, who says that the attacks are by a normal shark and Nancy is just trying to sensationalize the attacks to attract viewers. As more strange things begin occurring around town, such as a group of wiccans trying to summon a spirit in the cemetery only to channel a strange woman in white who starts bleeding from her eyes, Ali is shown to keep appearing in the water and acting as a beacon for the demonic shark to kill it’s prey, even killing a girl in her pool. Nancy tries contacting the spirits again and ends up being possessed and vomits over Brianna, who had been following her to try and expose her as a fraud. Father Michael shows up at the house that Emily and Ali share and asks Emily about Ali. Father Michael tells her about the shark attack a year earlier and wonders if it is the same shark and Emily tells him about how Ali has been acting weird ever since the attack; mainly sleeping a lot and obsessed with water. That night, Ali goes to the local fair and sees Lauren there with Bobby, Ali’s now ex-boyfriend, and she begins following them. When the two get into an argument, Ali follows after Bobby and attacks him and bites into his neck but Emily and Father Michael, who had gone to the fair to look for Ali, show up and stop her. Taking her to the park and tying her to a tree, Father Michael tries to do an exorcism on Ali and when it fails, bargains with the demon inside her to take control of him and release her. The demon agrees and enters Father Michael’s body, while Emily goes to comfort a confused Ali. When the possessed Father Michael attacks Emily and bites her, Emily manages to escape as Father Michael and Ali look up and see a bright sphere open in the sky and the demonic shark exits from it and starts falling towards them. The next day, a woman heads to a park at the edge of the lake to do some sunbathing, unaware of a man watching her and taking pictures of her while she sleeps. When the woman wakes up, she gathers her stuff to leave when she is attacked and killed by Sister Blair. Sister dumps the body into the water and yells out “Hail Satan” but as she turns her back on the water, the body of the woman Blair killed one year ago rises out of the water, grabs her, and drags her into the water to die. Meanwhile, Lauren sees Emily wandering by the docks and goes down to ask her what is wrong. Emily tells her that she doesn’t want to know and then says “Forgive me”, before jumping into the lake and the demon shark suddenly leaps out and kills Lauren. Some time later, a young girl is at an aquarium when she begins acting strange, at one point crying in front of a fish tank and then going to the gift store and grabbing all of the stuffed shark toys. Returning to the fish tank, she suddenly turns around to reveal her vomiting a strange orange liquid while elsewhere, Nancy is shown to still be possessed by a spirit/demon, as she is shown to be wiping bile from her mouth outside the steps of the city’s capital building.
Wow, was that ever a mess of a movie. This was definitely a chore for me to watch, and that’s saying something. The acting was pretty bad all around, with Channing Dodson (Emily) being the best among the lot and the only one that honestly seemed normal, while almost every other actor/actress was just terrible. The story sounded interesting, which is why I bought it, but the end result was just a convoluted mess. Nothing about the movie was ever sufficiently explained and several scenes made no sense whatsoever, such as Ali randomly showing up at a park where a girl is playing or the scene with the girl sunbathing and the guy taking pictures of her. That scene in particular was pretty creepy in a completely pervy kind of way, especially when he is sitting there standing over her and scrolling through all the pictures he took of her. I wasn’t expecting top notch special effects but even I was disappointed in the effects here. People might enjy a good shark movie, but this is not one of them.
Rating: 1/2 out of 5