Why is it that when Hollywood seems to run out of ideas for a movie, they turn to Television for their ideas. And why cartoons? I realize that cartoons are the epitome of fantasy, which in a way are what most movies are, but they don’t always translate well into live action movies. I mean, let’s face it. You can do anything in a cartoon, but you can’t do those things in real life. Yet Hollywood persists and here we are, watching G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra.
The plot: When a NATO convoy carrying newly developed nanomite warheads is ambushed by a heavily armed group of terrorists, the convoy is saved by a top secret team known as G.I. Joe. The Joes take the warheads, as well as the two survivors Duke and Ripcord, back to their base, The Pit, where Duke uses his knowledge of one of the attackers, his ex-fiancee Ana, to get both Ripcord and himself a spot on the Joe team. But while they are under going training, James McCullen, the creator of the warheads and the man responsible for the attack, sends The Baroness (Ana), Storm Shadow and a group of nanite powered soldiers to infiltrate The Pit and steal the warheads. The Baroness and Storm Shadow then head to Paris so that they can arm the warheads and test them in order to frighten the entire planet with what can happen. While the Joes race to stop McCullen from destroying some of the world’s most powerful capitals, a secret, and more sinister scheme, is being carried out that will have an even greater impact than the missles themselves.
The critics were pretty harsh with this movie, giving it only a 35% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The critics complained about pretty much everything, from the bad storyline, to bad acting, to bad special effects. [Spoiler] My favorite criticism involved the Eiffel Tower scene where one critic said “the Eiffel Tower appears to be destroyed by some green slime left over from the Ghostbusters films.” Fans of the toyline/cartoon/comics were upset over the number of changes that were made to several of the characters. Still, all of the criticism didn’t stop G.I. Joe from making over $300 million worldwide, which was lower than the producers expected but still considered a financial success.
Ok. This movie is ridiculous. There is no denying that. It honestly felt like the producers and writers just wanted to take a giant crap over every kid from the 80’s that liked G.I. Joe. There was a lot of action in this movie, but the plot itself was weak. I will agree with the critics that some of the special effects could have been a lot better. In my opinion, the best parts of the movie involved the fights between Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow. Honestly, I think they patterned Snake-Eyes off of the comic book version as opposed to the cartoon version. [Joey reveals a bit of his geek side] In the cartoons, Snake-Eyes was always the silent soldier, who looked like he was supposed to be a ninja but never showed it and never seemed to be as good as he was made out to be. Not to mention the fact that he almost always seemed to get captured. In the comics, he was a complete bad ass. To give you two examples, in one comic, he infiltrated Destro’s castle by himself, managed to take out several guards plus a couple of ninjas, and fought Storm Shadow to a draw all in order to rescue Scarlett, who had been taken prisoner. In another issue, he broke into Cobra’s consulate building, make his way through all of the guards, and held a sword to Cobra Commander’s throat until Cobra Commander ordered the release of some Joes that he had captured. See, comic book Snake-Eyes = bad ass, cartoon Snake-Eyes, not so much. So some good fights between Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow and then some other action that isn’t as interesting. That about sums up the movie.
If you are in the mood for a mindless action movie, then you can give this a shot. But if you are a fan of the comics/cartoon, then you probably want to stay far, far away.
Rating: 2 out of 5