August 30th, 2014 Movie – The Da Vinci Code

the davinci codeI feel like reading a book. Unfortunately, the only books I have been able to read recently are the books I read to a bunch of small children. Well, I guess the next best thing would be to watch a movie based on a book. That is close to the same thing, right? So today I am watching The DaVinci Code.

The plot. A man is chased and killed in the Louvre by a mysterious, hooded stranger. Robert Langdon, an American symbologist, is brought in by the French police to help decipher a message that was left in the victim’s blood. What he discovers is a far greater mystery, one that he and the victim’s granddaughter, Sophie Neveu, must uncover. But hounding them along the way is the French police, led by Captain Bezu Fache, as well as the hooded figure, who serves his own dark master.

In the early/mid 2000, who hadn’t heard of Dan Brown and this book. The number of people I saw reading this book or talking about this book was remarkable. So since this book was getting such notoriety, it only made sense that some studio was going to try and make this into a movie. Now while this was an epic best selling book, the movie adaptation had a lot of critics. There were protests at some theaters, and it was panned at some festivals. In spite of all that, this movie still made a lot of money in theaters, being the second highest grossing film in 2006.

Now i liked the book, and I really hate to try and compare the two, but I thought the movie was rather bland. I did like the casting of Tom Hanks and Ian McKellen but unfortunately, good casting cannot always compensate for a bad script. The character of Sophie was a much stronger character in the book than she was in the movie. The movie ran long and seemed to drag on at times while trying to keep up with as many plot twists from the book that they could. However, trying to keep as much of the book into the movie lessened the impact of the movie for me.

So whether or not you have read the book, I can’t tell you if you should watch this movie or not. But if you are a fan of Tom Hanks or Ian McKellen, you might like this movie.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5


August 29th, 2014 Movie – Dark Waters

20140827_221208Good morning people. Sharktoplushie here. I am filling in for Joey with today’s blog as he is busy being attacked by some small children. It works out because today’s movie happens to involve some of my family. Today’s movie is called Dark Waters. It is a nice movie about some of my cousins trying their best to eat Lorenzo Lamas,

The plot: A deep sea oil rig is attacked by a pack of sharks that move in unison in order to destroy it. Dane Quatrell, a former marine biologist and current con artist, is kidnapped and offered a chance to have his record cleared if he goes on a mission to find out what happened to the rig. Once down there, he finds out that the pack of sharks is actually part of a military experiment to turn sharks into controlled weapons of destruction. But that is not the only discovery Quatrell makes as he tries to get his crew to safety, while dodging both the military and the killer sharks.

You know, my family really gets a bad rep. I mean, we have been around for millions of years. All we want to do is swim around in the oceans, eat some food, and make baby sharks. Sure, some of us might snack on a human or two, but you die more often in car crashes than from shark attacks. I don’t see you hunting down and killing every car on the road. But if one of us takes a bite out of you humans, and it is mass genocide as you try to hunt all of us down. And don’t get me started on you idiots killing us just to use our fins for soup. You people deserve to be eaten just for that.

Now from my point of view, this was a good movie for us sharks, although I am sure you humans will hate it. You humans had the bright idea to make a group of great white sharks, one of the most perfect predators on the planet, even more dangerous. I mean they got to take out a sub and an oil rig. They got to snack on some marines. And they almost managed to eat Lorenzo Lamas. How cool would that have been. Now I know you humans will complain about how silly the plot was or how stupid the effects look. But we are sharks. We don’t care about stuff like that. We are just interested in what is tasty. And those marines did hit the spot.

So if you would like to watch some sharks killing marines on a sub, then watch my family in action.

Rating: 2 out of 5

dark waters


August 28th, 2014 Movie – The Dark Crystal

the dark crystalSo the errands I had to run this morning took way less time than I thought they would. So that leaves me with quite a bit of time to kill. So i figured, why not be productive and go ahead and do today’s movie blog. So today, well technically late last night/early this morning, I watched The Dark Crystal.

The plot: On a distant planet, the evil Skekses rule through slavery and fear. However, the time of The Great Conjunction, where the three suns align as one, is near and with it comes a prophecy.  Jen, the last of the Gelflings, has been raised by the peaceful Mystics ever since the Skekses killed his entire race. He now finds himself given a quest to find a crystal shard that can repair the Dark Crystal, or else the Skekses will rule forever.

Honestly, who doesn’t love Jim Henson. The Muppets, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock. These are a part of kids childhood from just about any generation, whether they were the parent or the child. So when Jim Henson decided to do a movie with all new characters, and even an entire new planet, kids were going to want to see it. I know I did.

I love this movie.  Probably my favorite Jim Henson movie next to The Muppet Movie. The time and effort it must have taken, not just for making new puppets, but a new landscape, must have been staggering.  I know the story may seem darker than what people were expecting but to be honest, it’s no darker than any fairy tale that is made into a movie. The Skekses are one of the scariest villains from my childhood. Man did Henson do a good job making some scary creatures.

So if you want to watch a Jim Henson movie that does not involve Kermit, Piggy, Big Bird, or the rest of the gang, definitely watch this.

Rating: 4 out of 5


August 27th, 2014 Movie – D.O.A.: Dead Or Alive

doa dead or aliveWait a sec. Is it possible? Could it actually have happened? Yes. We have actually made it to a new letter. We are now in the D’s. This is incredible. I feel like I should do something to celebrate this momentous occasion. But first, I should probably watch today’s movie. So, first I will watch D.O.A.:Dead Or Alive, then I will review it, and then think of something fun to do. Sound good to you?

The plot: A multitude of fighters are invited to an isolated island to take part in DOA, an invitational martial arts tournament with a $10 million dollar prize. But some of the fighters are there for reasons aside from the money. Kasumi is there seeking information about her brother Hayate, who disappeared after entering last years tournament. Tina is there seeking to prove she is a legitimate martial artist. Christie, and her somewhat backstabbing partner Max, are there for the money, even if they have to steal it. As the tournament progresses, fighters are compete and are eliminated until the only four left are Kasumi, Tina, Christie, and Hayabusa. But unbeknownst to them, the tournament serves another purpose, one which the island’s supervisor Victor Donovan seeks to control.

Ok. As you all know by reading this blog, I have quite a few movies and so I decided to share the wealth, so to speak. To do this, I decided to have a little contest to thank those of you that actually read my blog. So here it is. I have been watching a movie a day since the beginning of the year and here it is almost September and I have only made it to the D’s. So the contest is simple. Not counting the flashback reviews, when will I watch/review the last movie in my collection. Now obviously I will most likely still be buying movies while I am reviewing. Heck, I can think of 4 movies right now that I will be buying before the end of the year. Anyways, the rules are simple. Leave a comment below with your guess as to what date I will finish watching my collection. The comment must be on the blog, not on Facebook. Only one guess per person. The person with the closest guess will get a $50 Amazon gift card which they can use to increase their own movie collection. Or buy socks, or start some other weird collection. Now I will give you all a hint. It will be sometime in 2017.

Why is it that movies based on video games are almost always bad. Actually, I take that back. I think every movie based on a video game has been bad. Let’s see. Super Mario Brothers? Yup, it bombed. Street Fighter? Oh god, just shoot me. Mortal Kombat? Well…..the first one maybe but the second one definitely sucked. Now let’s take a look at this one. Uh oh. It stars Eric Roberts. Well, guess we all know how this one is going to turn out.

Now this movie was targeted for a specific demographic and I have to admit that I fall in that demographic. You would think it was targeting fans of the video game, and you would be wrong. This movie’s target audience was people that like action/fight scenes and T&A. One could make the argument that this could be considered a “girl power” movie, but no, it really isn’t. I have no problem admitting liking this movie because this movie really is one of those “so bad it’s good” movies. This is honestly one of those films where you can shut your brain off and just watch all the pretty colors flash across the screen and not miss anything.

But that is not funniest thing about this movie. My favorite part is that the people that wrote this movie actually researched the game. You see, Dead Or Alive is a fighting game and they had plenty of fighting in it. But there are also two other Dead Or Alive games, that focus solely on the women in the game. and the sole purpose of those games is to play volleyball and buy swimsuits. I’m not joking. That is the purpose of the game. So in the movie, there is a scene where 4 of the girls are playing volleyball in their bikinis. Like I said, someone did their research about the video games.

So if you want to switch your brain off and watch some mindless entertainment, this is worth a watch. But before you do that, you should probably leave a comment with your guess below.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5


August 26th, 2014 Movie – Cyclops

cyclopsWhen getting over a headache, it is always good to find something to relax you. For me, that is either a Godzilla movie or a cheesy sci-fi movie (yes I know they can sometimes be the same). Luckily for me, today’s movie fits my needs to a T. So to help me deal with my headache, I am watching Cyclops.

The plot: In ancient Rome, a group of travelers come across some sheep and when they grab some of them for food, they are attacked by a cyclops. When he hears about this, Emperor Tiberius sends Marcus, his bravest general, out to deal with the Cyclops. Marcus manages to capture the cyclops and brings it back to Rome, where the emperor decides to use it in the arena. When Marcus finds himself punished for insubordination, he must find a way to help both the cyclops and himself gain their freedom.

Ok. Let me give you a quick quiz on how to determine if you are watching a Syfy original movie. Let’s see. Small Budget? Check. Some non oscar worthy CGI effects and creatures? Check. Starring Eric Roberts? Definite Check. If you have all three of those then you are most likely watching a Syfy original movie. I would almost say if it stars Eric Roberts then it’s a given but he has been in some other movies that are not Syfy original movies (Dark Knight anyone?). Still, you could almost dub him the king of cheesy sci-fi movies, and I do own quite a few of them.

Now this movie was decent but did not quite hit that mark where I could call it good. The story was a little unoriginal. To be honest, it seemed like someone decided to do a poor remake of Gladiator and threw in a cyclops to try and make it interesting. Then we get to the fact that they made a complete mockery of the Roman army. I mean, the Roman legion was one of the strongest military mights of the ancient world and this movie made it seemed like the elite members that guarded the emperor were made up of complete idiots. As far as the acting goes, Eric Roberts was ok in this role but everyone else seemed rather bland.

So if you want to watch a movie with a little bit of history and legend mixed in, then watch this. But don’t expect to be overwhelmed.

Rating: 2 out of 5


August 25th, 2014 Movie – Cursed

cursedYou know what. I feel like watching a movie with a basis on a classic horror icon/legend. Let’s see. Zombies? Vampires? Werewolves? Ooohhh.. I haven’t seen a good werewolf movie in a while. Let’s see…Cursed. Crap. Well, so much for a good werewolf movie. Oh well. Might as well watch this.

The plot: Jimmy and Ellie are involved in a car wreck and while trying to save the victim of the other car, they are attacked by an animal, which Jimmy claims was a werewolf. They both begin to notice strange things going on with themselves, such as being attracted to the smell of blood. Ellie suspects that her boyfriend, Jake, is a werewolf and he admits it but claims that he isn’t the one killing everyone. When a werewolf attacks Jake, it seems to prove his innocence, but sometimes not everything is what it seems.

Wes Craven has done so many horror movies. He is probably most recognized as directing the Nightmare On Elm Street movies. Close behind them would be the Scream movies. He has done plenty of other horror movies so when I heard he was doing a werewolf movie, I was looking forward to it. I figured if anyone could do a decent werewolf movie, it would be him. Unfortunately, that wasn’t quite the case.

There were some parts of the movie that were decent, but a lot of it was really bad. Christina Ricci’s taunting of the werewolf by saying “she had a bony ass” and the werewolf flicking her off was just bad. The plot was completely unoriginal. The characters had no redeeming qualities. The special effects were good in some scenes but other than that, there was really nothing about this movie to make it worth noticing.

So if you want to watch a werewolf movie, go watch The Howling, or even the classic Wolfman. But if you want to watch this, be sure to have some alcohol on hand.

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5


Flashback Review: January 8th, 2014 Movie – 007: Live And Let Die

007-8 live and let dieHere we go again. A new Bond movie and a new Bond to boot. You heard it folks. Sean Connery has left the franchise (again) and the reign of Roger Moore is about to begin. I know everyone is sad about this change in stars but hey, he can’t be any worse than Lazenby so let’s give him a chance. So let’s move ahead to today’s movie: Live And Let Die.

The plot: Several British agents have been killed within a 24 hour period; their only link is their investigation into Dr. Kananga, the dictator of a small Caribbean island. Bond goes to New York and finds himself the target of an assassination attempt himself. After surviving the attempt, Bond meets up with his friend Leiter and finds a connection between a local drug lord, Mr. Big, and Kananga. Going back and forth between the swamps of New Orleans and the Caribbean island of San Marco, Bond must figure out who is behind the assassinations and put an end to them, before he is killed himself.

Ok. So this is Roger Moore’s debut in the Bond franchise. Now this movie had a budget of only $7 million and wound up grossing $161 million worldwide. So financially, it was a success. It also holds the record for the most viewed broadcast film on television in the United Kingdom when it debuted. So obviously, people wanted to see it. Critically, the feelings about it were mixed. Some people liked Roger Moore, others thought he was bland. Some people liked the villians, others thought they were merely used to cash in on the “Blaxploitation” movement at the time. About the only thing everyone agreed on was that Jane Seymour was a great Bond girl.

Now I liked this movie but I won’t say that this was the best film in the series. Yes there were a lot of racial tones in the movie but that was the same for a lot of movies back then. It didn’t bother me any. I did like the location settings. Some of the action and chase scenes were really good. Some, like Bond running across the backs of crocodiles, were really cheesy. It took a little while to get used to him, but I can accept Roger Moore as James Bond. Yes he didn’t have the presence that Connery gave him but Moore did put his own spin on the character that made a lasting impression with the audiences.

So a decent entry into the Bond series and worth watching.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5