action, comedy, horror, sci-fi, The Asylum

January 13th, 2019 Movie – The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time

sharknado 6

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and that includes the phenomenon known as Sharknado. Yes, when it was announced that the latest Sharknado movie would be the end of the series, I will admit that I was pretty sad to hear about it. I mean, ever since the first movie took the world by storm (pun somewhat intended), Every summer I would get a week of brand new shark themed movies to go along with the latest installment in the series. It is going to be very hard to let go of something that awesome. Anyways, after the last movie, and learning that the next installment would be the end, I was curious to see exactly how The Asylum was going to close out this franchise. Let’s see how they did with today’s movie, The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time.

The plot: During the Cretaceous period, a velociraptor is curious about a large, shark fin shaped rock but it quickly runs off when the rock explodes as a jeep drives through it. Inside the jeep, Fin Shepard turns to talk to his adult son Gil but notices that Gil has vanished. Suddenly, a hologram recording of Gil appears and tells Fin that due to the energy involved in time travel, a person can only go back in time once or else they vanish. Telling Fin that the time travel device is built into the pilot wings that Gil threw to Fin, Gil explains that Fin has to go through time and stop all of the past sharknado’s from happening if he wants to prevent the world’s destruction. When the recording ends, Fin goes looking for the bag that contains the cyborg head of his wife April only to see a dinosaur grab it in it’s mouth and run off. Fin drives the jeep after it and finds himself in a stampede, slamming on the brakes before he joins the dinosaurs in going over the cliff into the sea below. As Fin looks down the cliff, a megalodon breaches out of the water, causing Fin to step back from the cliff’s edge. A tyrannosaurus appears and Fin manages to avoid it and when it turns to attack him, the megalodon leaps out of the water and grabs the tyrannosaurus, dragging it into the sea. Fin then turns and faces the dinosaur that grabbed the bad and attempts to get it back when a masked figure suddenly leaps down from a nearby cliff, attacking the dinosaur with knives and forcing it to drop the bag and run off. As Fin grabs the bag, he is shocked to see that the masked figure is Nova, and she if joined by Bryan and a non-cyborg April, who rides in on a pteranodon. Fin is shocked as everybody had supposedly died and they explain that Gil had saved them all before they died and brought them there to help Fin stop the first sharknado. A meteor storm occurs just as the first sharknado appears and the group decide to use the meteors to destroy the sharknado but they aren’t powerful enough. Fin jumps onto the back of a megalodon caught in the vortex and as he forces it to swallow some of the meteors, he spots Gil riding on another shark and calls out to him but Gil disappears through time. Fin jumps back onto the pteranodon and Bryan hits a meteor into the megalodon, causing an explosion that destroys the sharknado. When a time vortex appears, they fly through it, thinking that they are returning to the present day but find themselves in the medieval kingdom of Camelot, and that Bryan has suddenly become a woman. The sorceress Morgana shoots down the pteranodon and attempts to take them prisoner but she is called off by Winter, who escorts them all to the castle, saying their arrival has been foretold. Winter introduces them to Merlin, who tells them that Gil had been studying with them for 10 years and Winter goes to fetch him only to see him sail off into an approaching sharknado. When she reports what happened, Fin and April want to try and save him but Nova tells them if they stop Gil from traveling through time to search for his parents, he won’t grow up and pull the others out of time to help Fin stop the sharknados from occurring. When an alert sounds from the bag containing the cyborg April’s head, everyone is curious about what is in the bag and Nova tries to grab it from Fin, only for the bag to open and the head rolls along the floor and lands at April’s feet. Fin explains to April that it was the only thing left of her when the world is destroyed and April tells Fin she forgives him but decides to hold onto the head. Fin and the others go to stop the sharknado but are stopped by Morgana, who tells them she has a potion that will destroy the sharknado but will use it only if Merlin agrees to remove the spell around Excalibur. Merlin agrees and Morgana uses an arrow to send the potion into the sharknado but instead of destroying it, it causes the sharks to start breathing fire. Fin and the others rush to defend the castle and Fin decides to try and use Excalibur, pulling it from the stone and revealing it to be a chainsaw sword. Fin uses Excalibur’s magic to stop the sharknado, with Morgana being killed in the process, and they then seal themselves into a large cauldron and are fired from a catapult so they can go fast enough to travel through time. They arrive in colonial America, with Bryan returning to being a man again, and they begin to wonder if their attempts to stop the sharknados might do more harm than good but when they see a sharknado approaching the colonial fleet, they decide to stop it before America ceases to exist, only to be captured by colonial soldiers. They are taken to General Washington’s camp and after explaining to Benjamin Franklin that they are there to help save the colonies from the sharknado, they are allowed inside to speak to Washington. Fin and Bryan explain their plan and after Washington allows them to proceed, Fin has the army fire their cannons into the sharknado, timing their attack to coincide with the lightning strikes to cause the cannonballs to become electrified. After destroying the sharknado and sending the British fleet retreating, Fin and the others try to figure out a way to get home but Nova, having encountered her ancestor, rushes off to talk to him. Nova hands her ancestor a note to be passed down to her grandfather but Fin takes it from her ancestor, causing an argument between him and Nova on her desire to change her past and save her grandfather. Fin and Nova rejoin April and Bryan so they can leave but Bryan, due to his being a history teacher, decides to stay behind and ensure America is put on the right path. With Franklin’s help, the three head off to the time vortex, where they end up landing in the Old West, where they come between a stand off between Billy the Kid and the town sheriff. Surprised at the arrival of the carriage, Billy is disarmed by the sheriff and runs off and the sheriff arrests Fin for his role in helping Billy escape. As Fin is taken to jail, April and Nova hide in the carriage and are shocked to see Skye appear. In jail, Fin speaks to another prisoner, who was supposed to be rescued by Billy the Kid, and as the prisoner is taken from his cell to be hung, Fin realizes that the prisoner is a grown up Gil. Nova and Skye break Fin out of jail and Fin explains that they screwed up and Gil is about to be killed and Skye goes to rescue him, just as a sharknado approaches. Fin and Skye rescue Gil, who races off into the vortex, while April and Nova use cyborg April’s head to destroy the sharknado. After a standoff with Billy the Kid, who wants to go to the future, Fin, April, Nova, and Skye get onto a train and use it to travel through the time vortex. They end up on the Santa Monica beach in the 1950’s and as a sharknado approaches the beach, they rush to save the people on the beach only to be shocked when they see Fin’s parents, Gilly Shepard and Raye Martin, working to stop the sharknado. After the adult Gil makes it through the vortex and the sharknado is destroyed, Nova sees the prototype capacitor that Gil had left behind and shows it to Fin. They see the date on it is the date of the first sharknado that hit Santa Monica and realize that that is their next destination and borrow Gil’s Cadillac to make the trup but Nova reprograms the capacitor to take them to 1997 San Francisco so she can try to save her grandfather. Fin tries to talk her out of changing her past but Nova refuses to listen to him and heads off. Nova reaches the charter boat that her grandfather owns and heads on board, with Fin and the others getting on board as well. The group head out into the ocean and as Nova watches her grandfather interact with her younger self, Fin again talks to Nova about what she is planning on doing. Nova argues her reasons for saving him, and after noticing the ripped up note she gave her ancestor framed and mounted on a wall, she rushes to warn the captain, inadvertently causing the boat to crash on some rocks. Realizing that she is the reason her grandfather died, Nova starts to freak out but Fin helps Nova’s grandfather and younger self escape on a raft. Nova attacks some sharks to give them time to escape and ends up falling overboard, with the cyborg April’s head falling with her. As a shark attacks Nova, April tries to save her and ends up getting dragged overboard, where both her and Nova are killed. Realizing that the only way to save them is to keep stopping the sharknados, Skye grabs the capacitor while Fin hooks a shark and the are dragged behind it, allowing them to warp to the future but instead of the year 2013, a malfunction causes them to end up in the year 20013. They find themselves attacked by a robotic flying shark and once Fin kills it, they are captured by an army of April clones. The clones take them to their base, where they are confronted by the repaired cyborg April, who reveals that she had perfected time travel and rescued April to use her DNA for cloning her army. As Fin rushes to April, Skye confronts the cyborg April and ends up encased in carbonite, then tells Fin that she brought him there to be her queen. Fin tries to attack the cyborg April, who tries to stop him by showing him robotic versions of his children Matt and Claudia, as well as a robotic Nova, but Fin continues his attack, killing the replicas. Cyborg April attacks Fin but her attack also disables the stasis chamber that April is in, who leaves the chamber and begins attacking her cyborg doppelganger. The cyborg April easily overpowers the original but as she attempts to kill her, her power strikes the capacitor just as Fin grabs it, sending him back to 2013. Fin lands on the boat owned by Captain Santiago, whose crew has just brought cyborg April’s head back to the surface. When Santiago orders his men to throw it overboard, Fin convinces them not to and the cyborg April is happy to see that Fin came back for her. Santiago goes to kill Fin but as the sharks on the edge of the sharknado begin killing his crew, as well as his traitorous business partner, Fin convinces him to work together to destroy the sharknado. Santiago and Fin use Santiago’s weapons to attack the sharks but Santiago is swept up by the storm and killed. Cyborg April’s head says that her lasers are recharged and they have to destroy the sharknado or else time will unravel but before Fin can aim her at the sharknado, Gil appears. Fin is happy to see his son and embraces him and Gil tells him that he can fix everything but he needs the capacitor. Fin moves to hand it to him but when Gil messes up the Shepard family motto, Fin realizes he is an imposter. Gil is revealed to be the future cyborg April, who tries to get the capacitor from Fin so that he can’t destroy the sharknado. Fin and cyborg April’s head are sucked up into the storm, with cyborg April’s head being swallowed by a shark. Fin and future cyborg April struggle for control of the capacitor and when Fin is knocked away by some debris, future cyborg April laughs as time begins unraveling. Suddenly, the shark with cyborg April’s head appears and destroys future cyborg April, then tells Fin they have one shot; activating her self destruct button in her head which will either destroy the sharknado and restore time or wipe out the universe. Fin kisses the cyborg head, activating the self destruct and April’s head explodes, restoring time. In a sharknado free 2013, an explosion is heard off the coast of Santa Monica and the patron’s of Fin’s bar wonder what it could be. As Nova, Matt, and Fin’s brother-in-law Martin Brody stare out the window, a shark suddenly slams against the glass and Nova feels sorry for it, as she loves sharks now. Fin and April, who is pregnant with Gil, are planning to retire to Kansas and are turning over the bar to Martin, who tries to convince Nova to stay but she is going to college thanks to a loan from Fin. Bryan tells everyone to check out the TV, where the see a political add for Skye, who is running for President. As Gemini enters the bar, and Wilford and May Wexler talk with April about the baby, Claudia hands Fin a letter from The Colonel, which contains his flight wings, in case he doesn’t make it back from space in time for Gil’s birth. Fin offers a last round on him to everyone at the bar and giving a heartfelt speech about how much they all mean to him. Just as he finishes, April’s water breaks and the Shepards, as well as Wilford, May, Nova, and George (a regular bar patron of Fin’s), head out the door to go to the hospital, while a TV weather report has Al Roker telling the audience that there is not a cloud in the sky anywhere in the world so people should go out and enjoy it as there won’t be another like it ever again.

So I had a lot of expectations going into this movie and while it did hit several things that I wanted it to, I was honestly a little disappointed and felt like they could have done more. The movie was the same ridiculous fun that all of the others have been, and all the returning characters did great in their roles. Ian Ziering was great finishing off his role as Fin Shepard, while Tara Reid and Cassandra Scerbo were just as good reprising their roles of April and Nova respectively. I actually think April was written a little better in this movie, as she did more than just scream all the time. I liked that they brought Judah Friedlander (Bryan) and Vivica A. Fox (Skye) back and the interaction with the other characters was pretty good. Some of the cameos were pretty funny, such as Neil deGrasse Tyson playing Merlin and Dee Snider playing a sheriff, but most of the cameos felt a little flat, as if they were running out of ideas on how to make the most of them. I will say that I was kind of glad that they used some archive footage from the first movie to have John Heard’s character George show up at the end. The story was ok but the way they brought up time travel into things actually made the story feel rather disjointed. I did think it was funny how they tried to reference Back To The Future a couple of times during the movie, such as the capacitor looking like the flux capacitor as well as Gil telling Fin he has to be going 88 mph to start the time travel. The special effects were ok for the most part, though there were times where they honestly were a little worse than I was expecting, but that makes these movies that much more fun to watch. So it was a good way to end the series but I still think that they could have done a better job with it.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

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action, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum, Uncategorized

January 6th, 2019 Movie – 6-Headed Shark Attack

6 headed shark attack

A new year is upon us and, as promised, I have returned with more movies to watch and review. Since I cut back on my movie purchasing after I finished my initial run, I am only going to be posting reviews over the weekend, primarily on Sunday but I could do them on Saturday as well depending on how busy I am. So, let’s dust this thing off and get right into a new movie. Today’s movie was part of Syfy’s Sharknado week last year and is the latest installment in the multi-headed shark franchise (I don’t think they have an actual title for the series). This was one of the movies I was most looking forward to seeing during that week, mainly to see how the shark was going to look with all of those heads; with the actual plot of the movie being a distant second. Luckily, the movie actually turned out to be pretty entertaining, much like the other movies in the series. So let’s sit back and enjoy today’s movie, 6-Headed Shark Attack.

The plot: In 1984, a graduation party for the UCSB School of Biology is being held on the floating Marine Research Station off the coast of Isla Corazón in Baja, Mexico. During the party, a couple argue over the man’s flirting and actions at the party, causing the woman to throw her engagement ring into the water. As the man heads back inside to the party, the woman stays outside to cry when she notices a large shadow moving through the water, just as a 6-headed shark begins attacking the station. In the present day, Isla Corazón has been bought by William and turned into a marriage boot camp. William is holding a session with the latest group at camp, Mary and James, Duke and Daphne, Angie and Kip, and Jake and Sarah, but when James questions where William’s wife is, William brushes off the question. After the group finishes the first task, with James refusing to participate, William notices a boat approaching the island and tells the group to grab their wetsuits and meet him on the beach, then tells his assistants Brad and Rebecca to prepare the next challenge while he goes to meet the boat. Brad and Rebecca set up the challenge, then head off to enjoy the surf but they are attacked and killed by the 6-headed shark. Meanwhile, William paddles out to the boat, where his wife/ex Suzanne and her new boyfriend greet him, and as William argues with his wife about her giving up on the camp, he reluctantly signs the papers she asks for so she can dissolve their business. On shore, the couples are all getting ready for the next task, with Jake telling Sarah his belief that the island was the home for a secret government project that was shut down during the Cold War. Meanwhile, Daphne flirts with Kip, causing tensions to flare between Angie, Kip, and Daphne, while James and Mary argue about their being at the camp and James telling Mary he is jealous about how William was looking at her. William is trying to get in touch with Brad and Rebecca when Mary approaches him, telling him that James and her want to leave. When William tries to convince her to stay, she threatens to sue him for false advertising and William relents and says that he will take them back the next day and refund their money. Mary rejoins the others, telling James that they can’t leave until tomorrow, and they all head out to the floating dock, where their supplies are. Meanwhile, William discovers a severed foot in the shallow water of the beach and rushes to join the others, just as Brad’s body surfaces near Mary. As Everyone reacts in shock on the small dock, William tells them that their only chance is to head to the boat, as the tide is to low for him to risk bringing it to them, and after James argues with him for a bit, William comes up with a plan and they all begin paddling the floating dock towards the boat. They manage to reach the boat and William tries to radio for help but is unable to reach anybody. William decides to head back and try to find Rebecca, despite the objections of the guests, and Duke decides to go with him, fashioning a make-shift bang-stick to use against the shark. They head towards the beach, where Duke spots a shadow in the water and heads out to kill the shark, while the others raise the boat’s anchors and head out to try and help them. As the shark approaches Duke and William, Duke jabs it with the boom stick, seemingly killing it, but as he talks with William, the shark revives and attacks him, ripping him in half between it’s heads, then rips off the damaged head, which quickly grows back. Meanwhile, the others are shocked by what they saw and end up running aground on the rocks and William swims out to them and tells them they have to swim back to shore. Everyone reluctantly does so and William has to help Daphne through her guilt for Duke’s death before she starts swimming. The group manage to make it to shore, where Sarah blames William for what has happened and as tempers start to flare up, Daphne points out an approaching storm system and Sarah tells them that the intensity of the storm will put the whole island underwater. William suggests heading to an old lighthouse but Sarah says that is in the direction of the storm and they won’t make it in time. Jake says they should head to the lab, as it is on floating docks, and convinces the others to go with them, with William and Daphne, who says she will go where he goes, reluctantly following. When they get to the lab, they try to find something to help them survive, with William finding a radio and attempting to call for help again. Meanwhile, James and Jake discover that the shark had been created at the lab, which had been testing the regenerative properties of sharks. Suddenly, a storm swell rocks the labs, causing Jake to fall into the water and a shelf to fall onto the opening. Sarah and the others lift the shelf so Jake can get back onto the lab but as Sarah embraces him, the shark leaps up from the opening and grabs both Jake and Sarah, killing them, then tries to get the others. William works on fending the shark off, allowing the others to escape, then starts to swim for shore himself when he hears Suzanne speaking over the radio. William rushes to the radio and makes contact with Suzanne, telling her to meet him and the others at the lighthouse, then avoids the shark before making his own swim to shore. The others reach shore and after James spots the lighthouse, they all start heading for it. As they make their way there, Kip and Angie end up falling behind and discuss their relationship. As they decide to make it work, they are shocked to see the shark approaching them, using 4 of it’s heads to walk across the sand, and Kip and Angie are both killed. Mary, James, and Daphne run for the lighthouse, with the shark shuffling after them and as it moves to attack Mary and Daphne, William appears and cuts off one of the shark’s heads, then chases it away from them so they can get to the lighthouse. When they reach the lighthouse, William and James work on finding the fuse box and getting power to the lighthouse while Mary tends to Daphne, who is in shock but when Mary leaves Daphne to look around for supplies, Daphne leaves the lighthouse and wanders to the nearby rocks to scream out her frustrations, only for the shark to kill her. Back in the lighthouse, James confronts William over his imagined affair with Mary, pointing a rifle that he finds at him but William quickly grabs the box of bullets. Mary appears with some acetylene canisters and they start bringing them up to the light to use when James spots Suzanne’s boat approaching. When the shark moves towards the boat and begins circling it, causing a vortex to drag the boat underwater, James tells William to hand him the shells but William refuses, not wanting to risk James hitting Suzanne. William leaves the lighthouse and Mary follows after him but they can only watch helplessly as the boat is dragged under and Suzanne and her boyfriend are killed. William decides to use the acetylene canisters to kill the shark, handing James some bullets for the rifle while he and Mary place the canisters on the beach and prepare to lure the shark towards them so James can shoot the canisters but James instead attempts to shoot William but Mary realizes what he is doing and knocks William aside, saving his life. James then shoots the shark in one of it’s heads but the shark simply rips it off and flings it at the lighthouse, crushing James underneath it. The shark heads back to the water and William tells MAry to grab the canisters and they swim back out to his boat, which has come free of the rocks due to the storm swell. With the motor damages, William says they will have to use the sails to get out of there, just as the shark starts attacking the boat. Mary fashions a spear to attack the shark and after fending off the shark, William grabs it and heads down into the hold to attack the shark as it tries to break through. William manages to stab the skark in the head and pin it to the ship just as Mary drops the canisters down there, flooding the hold with the gas. William shoots a flare at the shark, attempting to kill it with the gas, but the flare doesn’t ignite and they quickly swim to shore, with the shark getting free and following them. As they run from the shark, it leaps after them and gets stuck in the rocks and William shoots another flare at the canisters, causing an explosion which blows off all 6 of the shark’s heads. With the shark finally dead for good, William and Mary embrace each other before heading back towards the camp so they can try to signal for a rescue off the island.

Man, was I ever glad that this movie lived up to my expectations because it was exactly the sort of ridiculously funny movie that I enjoy watching. The acting was pretty good, with Brandon Auret doing a good job as the lead role of William. Thandi Sebe (Mary), Cord Newman (James), and Jonathan Pienaar (Duke) were also pretty good in their roles but nobody else really stood out much. The story was good in the sense that they actually attempted an explanation of how the shark came to be, though I will admit that they could have done a better job using that explanation. Unfortunately, there were some plot holes in the movie, with the biggest ones being the storm that was approaching the island, prompting the discussion on whether the lighthouse or the labs would be safer, but then it never actually materialized and seemed to have been completely forgotten towards the end of the movie. The special effects were pretty good and I loved that they finally had the shark look similar to a starfish, which is what the shark was rumored to look like in 5-Headed Shark Attack before the design was changed. I especially loved the part where they had the shark walking on land, using the snouts from the 4 back heads to move itself, as I thought that was the funniest, and most original thing I had seen from this type of movie and it literally had me falling out of my chair laughing. So it’s a fun bit of horror/sci-fi shark entertainment and if you were a fan of the other movies in the series, then you will enjoy this one as well.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

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adventure, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

Flashback Review: April 26th, 2014 Movie – Bigfoot (2012)

bigfoot 2012

Ahh, an Asylum movie that involves Bigfoot. This sounds like it should be a lot of fun, so let’s see what exactly we have here. Two rival musicians as the main characters, who are at odds with each other in the film. A giant monster that terrorizes the region. A third musician that gets killed by the title monster. You know something, this honestly sounds pretty familiar to me. Wait a minute….I got it. This is just a reboot of Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid. Ok, I know it really isn’t but you have to admit that on some levels, Bigfoot (2012) does kind of seem that way. Well, let’s see how similar, or different, they are.

The plot: Outside of Deadwood, SD, a hunter lines up his shot and shoots a bear but before he can approach his trophy, he is attacked and killed by a large Bigfoot. Meanwhile, radio DJ Harley Anderson is using his show to complain about the freak snow storm the area is getting in April, as well as promote his 80’s flashback festival next week. When his show is finished, Harley heads out to the site of the festival and tells the foreman setting up the stages to clear out some trees. Harley’s former band mate, Simon Quint, has become an environmentalist and, along with some teenage followers, attempt to stop them by chaining themselves to the bulldozers but one of the drivers proceeds to start moving anyways, dragging the kids behind him. Sheriffs Becky Alvarez and Walt Henderson show up and stop the bulldozer and after listening to Harley and Simon arguing over who should be arrested, they end up taking Simon into custody. Harley’s crews get back to work but as one man heads into the woods to start cutting down some trees, he is attacked by Bigfoot. Bigfoot then heads after the rest of Harley’s crew, killing several of them and destroying the vehicles, causing a fire to break out. The fire is eventually put out and the fire chief shows him the footprints left in the snow but Harley says the festival is still on. As the festival draws closer, a couple in an RV are driving towards town when they accidentally hit Bigfoot, who throws the RV off the road. With the festival one day away, Mayor Tommy Gillis wants to pull the plug on the festival, but Harley tells him he can work out a deal with Simon to get him to stop trying to ruin the festival. Harley meets with Simon and offers to let him perform at the festival as a way to get his message out and Simon agrees to the deal. On the day of the festival, the snow has finally stopped but many of the acts, as well as the fans, have not shown up. Simon heads out to perform to a lackluster crowd while back stage, Alice Cooper, Harley’s special guest, complains about the event and threatens to quit. Harley sabotages Simon’s performance, causing feedback that wakes up Bigfoot from his cave and sends him heading towards the festival. When Alice Cooper starts performing, Bigfoot attacks the festival, killing several of the attendees and kicking Alice Cooper off the stage, killing him. As the news reports on the catastrophe, the National Guard is brought in to try and locate and kill Bigfoot but Simon tries to organize a movement to save him. Harley calls Al Hunter, a hunter friend of his, and hires him to come down and kill Bigfoot for him. As Bigfoot continues to terrorize the town, killing anyone that ventures into the forest, Simon tries to come up with a way to tranquilize it instead of killing it so it can be taken to a preserve. Harley joins Al and his team and they head out to try and kill Bigfoot but are unable to do so and Al loses two of his team members. Harley then talks with Mayor Gillis and convinces him to let him try and capture or kill Bigfoot and turn it into a tourist attraction. He then sends someone in to steal Simon’s tranquilizers so that he can use them for his plan. Simon and some of his group head out to try and track Bigfoot and run into Becky, who is searching for it as well. They find some tracks and Becky notices a cave nearby and goes to investigate it, with Simon and one of his group following her. The two team members left outside are attacked and killed by Bigfoot and when Becky, Simon, and the others go try to help, Simon realizes that his tranquilizer darts are missing. Harley and Al show up in a helicopter and try luring Bigfoot out to the open so Harley can get a clear shot at it. As Simon and Beth try to get away from Bigfoot, it continues to chase them as a National Guard tank fires at Bigfoot, burning it with it’s explosive shells and finally chasing it away. As new plans are made to deal with Bigfoot, Becky and Walt realize it is using the cave systems to travel around and try to figure out where it will show up next. Bigfoot ends up in Rapid City and begins a rampage there. Harley and Al hire some local hunters to help them try to stop Bigfoot but several of the men end up heading off early and get killed. As the rest of the hunters try to trap and kill it, Harley notices Simon flying by on his glider and shoots him down, refusing to let him stop his plans but Bigfoot still gets away. Simon and Priya, the only member of his team still there, head out to the caves to try and tranquilize Bigfoot. Meanwhile, Becky and Walt try their own way to stop him but Walt ends up getting killed in the process. Harley and Al make their way past a National Guard blockade and enter the caves looking for Bigfoot, with Al accidentally shooting Priya and wounding her when Simon and Priya surprise them. Hearing Bigfoot approaching, Al panics and runs out of the cave, followed by Harley, Simon, and Priya and Al ends up being killed by the National Guard by accident while Priya is killed by Bigfoot. Bigfoot makes it’s way to Mount Rushmore and Becky leads the National Guard to try and kill it. When the helicopter she is in is brought down, she sees Bigfoot climbing to the top of Mount Rushmore and calls in an airstrike. Simon and Harley both head to Mount Rushmore, with Simon still intending to try and tranquilize Bigfoot while Harley wants to kill it. The two end up fighting on the top of Lincoln’s head and Harley falls off the edge, Simon reaches down to try and save Harley as Bigfoot approaches them, and Simon reaches out to him for help. Seeing them on the monument, Becky tries to call off the air strike but is too late and as the missiles hit the monument, Harley, Simon, and Bigfoot are knocked off the monument and fall to the ground, where they are buried underneath the rubble. One year later, Mayor Gillis is on hand to dedicate a statue to the memory of Harley and Clint, celebrating them as heroes, while Mount Rushmore is also being rebuilt.

Yeh, it’s hard not to think that they took the plot of Mega Python vs Gatoroid and tweaked it a little because there really are a lot of similarities to it. That being said, this was a pretty decent movie, although it was a little slow to start. The acting was ok, with Barry Williams and Danny Bonaduce doing decent jobs as Simon and Harley respectively. I honestly thought that Bruce Davison (Walt), Sherilyn Fenn (Becky), and Howard Hesseman (Mayor Gillis) gave better performances while Alice Cooper’s brief appearance was just hilarious. The story honestly felt a little disjointed, as the starting point of Simon trying to save the forest from Harley was then transferred to trying to save Bigfoot, but it just felt odd with everything else going on in the movie. I liked the design of Bigfoot and how they showed it’s face taking the damage from when it was burned throughout the movie. That being said, the CGI looked a little weak and there were times where the scale felt off with the Bigfoot, as it’s size kept seeming to change somewhat in scale with the people when it was attacking them. I mean, it would always be bigger/taller than them but sometimes the size difference was a lot bigger than others. Still, it is another enjoyable movie, at least for me, from The Asylum and if you like their movies, it is worth watching.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

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action, horror, movie, movie review, The Asylum, zombie movie

July 5th, 2018 Movie – Zoombies

zoombies

Well folks, this is it. I have reached the last movie in my collection….well, as of January 2018. I still have a couple of movies I picked up this year but we will get to that later. Right now, I want to take a moment and think back on this. I started this little project of mine January 1st, 2014, mainly to check and see if any of my movies were messed up and needed to be replaced (side note, 6 movies in total needed to be replaced, 5 of which still in need of that). The whole blog idea came about as a joke 6 months later but it has kind of taken on a life of it’s own since then. Now I find it somewhat fitting that the last movie on the list comes from one of my favorite studios, The Asylum, as it means the list ends on a high note. Now when I first heard about this movie, I thought the idea was fantastic and couldn’t wait to pick this movie up on DVD. So let’s have some fun with today’s movie, Zoombies.

The plot: At the Eden Wildlife Zoo, which primarily contains endangered species, one of the security guards, Monte, brings in cages full of monkeys into the veterinarian’s clinic as a precaution, while the vets work on trying to figure out what is wrong with a monkey named Sandy, as she is suffering from some strange virus. When Sandy flat-lines, the head vet, Dr. Gordon, decides to inject her with some intracardiac epinephrine, overruling his assistant’s (Robin) objections about it being illegal. After injecting Sandy, they notice all of the other monkey’s acting strangely and, along with Monte, lift the covers to check on them. Suddenly, they hear a sound and when the turn around, they find Sandy is moving again and quickly leaps off the table. As they go looking for her, Sandy knocks a cabinet over onto Monte, killing him, then leaps at Robin when she tries to run, ripping out her eyes, before attacking Dr. Gordon. Meanwhile, Dr. Ellen Rogers, the zoo’s owner, is giving a tour of the zoo to a group of college interns (Amber, Ricky, A.J., Gage, Robbie and Kyle), taking their phones from them when Amber is talking on hers trying to get someone to get her out of the program. Ricky is dropped off with Chelsea, who manages the bird aviary, and as Amber, Kyle, and Robbie are dropped off at the African animal area, it is revealed that the reason Amber is there is because her grandmother is one of the zoo’s largest donors and this was her community service work for being on probation. Ellen’s daughter Thea, who was in the bus with them, says she wants to see Kifa, the zoo’s Cross River gorilla, and when they head over, Thea calls out to Kifa, who comes running out of her cave to see Thea. As A.J. watches in amazement at Kifa and Thea’s interaction, Kifa’s handler Daxton explains that Kifa and Thea practically grew up together and are best friends, then takes A.J. with him while Ellen, Thea, and Gage leave. Meanwhile, Dr. Gordon is still alive and manages to press the alarm button so Rex, the head of security, sends one of the guards, Johnny, to see what is going on. When Ellen, Thea, and Gage return to the main building, Ellen leaves Thea in her old workroom/playroom, then takes Gage to introduce him to Rex and the other two guards. As she goes to meet Leslie “Lizzy” Hogan, the new security guard hire, they get word that they lost contact with Johnny and so Rex, Lizzy, and the two other guards, Boris and Ty, head out to see what’s wrong, taking Gage with them. When they get to the clinic, they turn off the alarm and go looking for Dr. Gordon, finding him severely injured in the lab. After managing to get into the lab, they ask what happened and he starts to tell them before he suddenly starts convulsing and a monkey burst out of his chest. As the other monkeys, which are now infected, suddenly appear, they attack and kill Boris and Ty, then attack Rex. Lizzy is able to help him and they manage to kill some of them but three monkeys manage to escape. Rex contacts Ellen and tells her what is going on and she proceeds to place the zoo on lockdown while contacting the police for help. As the alarm sounds through the zoo, Chelsea and Ricky lock up the aviary, while A.J. and Daxton lock themselves in the lab next to Kifa’s enclosure. Amber, Kyle, and Robbie hear the alarm and their boss, Gus, sees the monkeys leaping through the trees and tells them to run as he gets attacked. The three interns take shelter in a t-shirt kiosk but when the warthogs, now infected, begin attacking the booth, they quickly climb up through the roof and into the trees. They are soon attacked by some infected giraffes and Kyle and Robbie are killed but Rex, Lizzy, and Gage arrive and manage to save Amber. As Rex and Lizzy argue about the aviary, as Lizzy says if any of them gets infected it and escape it would be disastrous, Amber tries to convince Gage to leave with her. When another giraffe attacks Gage, Lizzy and Rex go to help him and Amber decides to take their jeep and try to leave on her own. As the three try to figure out what they should do next, they see some elephants approaching them and Gage theorizes that they haven’t been infected, as they have no natural predators, and they can ride on them and stay safe. Meanwhile, Ellen is in contact with the police, who sends a S.W.A.T. team in to assess the situation but the team encounters some infected lions and is killed. Amber reaches the front gate and after finding it locked, she notices the camera and starts waving at it to get someone’s attention. Ellen sees her and asks where the others are but Amber yells at her to open the gate. Ellen says she can’t do that, as it would release the animals, and as Amber argues with her, Ellen notices  the lions approaching Amber and tries to warn her but Amber ignores her and tries to climb the gate but the lions attack her. As Ellen watches in horror, she notices a sensor saying that an animal is in the watchtower, just as she realizes Thea isn’t with her. Thea is back in the playroom and as she approaches the stuffed koala, she realizes it is a real one when it tries to bite her and when Ellen manages to enter the room, she finds that Thea killed it with a baseball bat. Back in the park, the elephants get spooked by a bunch of infected lemurs in the trees, knocking Rex and the others off of them and accidentally stepping on Rex’s leg, breaking it. As the lemurs start to attack them, they are rescued by Daxton and A.J., who take them back to the lab. As they discuss the situation, Lizzy notices animals approaching the gorilla compound and Daxton runs out to protect Kifa, only to discover that Kifa has become infected. Kifa attacks Daxton, throwing him through the door to the lab and kills him, then begins hunting the others. Rex tells Lizzy to make sure none of the animals, especially the birds in the aviary, escape the zoo, then grabs a machete and stabs Kifa, buying the others time to escape. Kifa kills Rex, then chases after the others, who climb up the rocks of her enclosure then drop a boulder to stop her before they escape. Trying to figure out their next move, they see the jeep driving by and go rushing to it only to find fatally wounded Amber behind the wheel. Amber ends up dying and Lizzy uses the radio to contact Ellen and tell her what is going on. Ellen tells her that she will get Chelsea and Ricky out of the aviary and tells them to meet back at the watchtower. When the lions appear and start feeding on Amber, Lizzy, Gage, and A.J. get in the jeep and drive off, killing some of the lions that chase after them but they end up wrecking the jeep in the process. Hearing some animals moving down the path, Gage leads them towards the ziplines, and they use them to get to the watchtower but the cable snap as they get close and A.J. ends up falling to his death while Lizzy grabs onto Gage, and they then make it to the watchtower. Ellen lets them inside and as they make plans to head to the aviary, they arm themselves with weapons from the security room, as well as grabbing all of the gasoline and fuel they can carry in order to destroy the aviary. When they get there, Lizzy and Gage head inside to find Ricky and Chelsea only to find that they have been attacked by the birds, who are infected. The two begin shooting at the birds when they start attacking them while outside, Ellen notices some of the birds trying to peck through the glass and starts pouring gas around the aviary in order to set it on fire. Lighting the fuel on fire, the fire starts to engulf the aviary but she realizes it won’t kill the birds before they escape. Gage and Lizzy manage to make it out and Lizzy has Ellen move the truck next to the aviary, then uses a flare to ignite the remaining fuel in the truck, causing it to explode and take the aviary with it. As they watch the birds die in flames, they are surprised to see Kifa approach them and they quickly run for the gate. They try to climb the gate but Kifa attacks them and Ellen is forced to shoot him in the head. A helicopter picks them up and takes them to safety but back in the zoo, it is shown that Kifa was not killed and regains consciousness.

This was an entertaining movie but I will admit that I was a little disappointed in some of the effects. The acting was ok, with Andrew Asper (Gage) doing a good job as the surprising male lead while Ione Butler (Lizzy) and Kim Nielsen (Ellen) did good jobs as the female leads. The story was interesting and I liked the idea of the virus turning the animals into zombies, somewhat, but, and I know this is odd coming from me, but I wish they did at least attempt to explain how the virus first started and not just jump into “sick monkey attacks people” part. One scene that I did find funny/plot problem was at the end in the aviary. When Gage and Lizzy were firing on the birds, the shots that missed could have easily broken the glass and allowed the birds to escape but of course, that magically doesn’t happen. The special effects were honestly a little weak, particularly some of the green screen aspects of the movie. One thing I thought was pretty annoying was that after Kifa was infected, they would keep switching back and forth between the infected face and the pre-infected face, even when he was chasing after people. The back and forth with the face really bugged me more than anything else in the movie. Kifa and the special effects aside, this was still a fun movie to watch and another solid entry from The Asylum.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

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action, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum, thriller

March 11th, 2018 Movie – Transmorphers

transmorphers

Now it only made sense that when a live action Transformers movie was announced, The Asylum would be quick to make a mockbuster of that movie. I actually remember going into Blockbuster and seeing this movie on the shelf, with a sticker on the case saying that “This not the Transformers movie currently in theaters”. Honestly, I found it incredibly funny that someone would mistake the two movies, but stranger things have occurred, like finding a legitimate porn movie on the shelves at Blockbuster. Anyways, I never got around to renting this movie when it was in Blockbuster but a few years ago, when The Asylum was having a warehouse sale on some of their movies, I decided to buy a lot of their movies that I did not own at the time, including this movie and it’s sequel. So let’s see how good/bad this movie is as I watch Transmorphers.

The plot: When life is detected on another planet millions of light years away, the Earth sends a message of peace to them. Unknown to the Earth, the planet launches thousands of cubes towards Earth, reaching it in 5 days. The cubes turn into giant robots, which begin decimating the humans, wiping out 90% of the population and driving the survivors underground. The alien robots then alter the Earth’s atmosphere, covering the planet in almost eternal darkness and rainfall to make the planet more like their own. Hundreds of years later, the robots are spotted advancing beyond their normal boundaries. The matter is brought up to the council, who choose not to do anything but General Van Ryberg decides not to wait until it is too late. Van Ryberg has a patrol team lead by Lt. Blackthorn to capture a robot so they can study it as part of a long term plan to retake the planet. The team head up to the surface but after placing the EM mine, a sudden high pitched whining sound is heard. Suddenly, one of the team begins convulsing and bleeding from his ears and nose. Back in the base, Van Ryberg realizes that the brain scans they heard about are real, she orders the patrol to evacuate but when they are surrounded by more robots, that were disguised as parts of the surrounding area, she has them written off and orders a briefing in her office. During the briefing, some people argue that the best person to lead the mission is Warren Mitchell, but Van Ryberg and some others argue against it, as Mitchell was judged a traitor and sentenced to 100 years in cryo-stasis. After all of the arguments are heard, Van Ryberg decides to have Mitchell thawed out, as well as one of his men, Itchy. Van Ryberg tells the two men that their release is conditional and as they start to leave, she warns Mitchell to stay away from Karina Nadir, as her and Van Ryberg are now married. Mitchell and Itchy meet the team that Van Ryberg assigned to them but after Mitchell tests them, he chooses only one member of the team to join him, then asks Itchy to find him some more volunteers. Itchy reaches out to Blair, a former friend/lover, to get some volunteers and as Mitchell speaks with the new volunteers, he is happy to see Xandria Lux (who had voiced support for Mitchell’s release) and some of her squad showing up to volunteer as well. Mitchell turns the briefing over to Doctor Voloslov Alextzavich, who tells them that they need to capture a Z-bot intact so they can study their fuel cells, as he believes if they can corrupt a fuel cell and place it into one of their radio towers, they can send out a signal to power down all of the robots. He warns them that the robot has to be kept in tact, as the fuel cells self destruct if the robot is destroyed. When someone asks about bringing the robot back to the city for study, he warns that the fuel cells also act as a tracking device so that would lead the robots right to them. Mitchell dismisses the team, saying to meet back in the morning, and as he talks with Xandria, they see Karina show up. Xandria has a few harsh words with Karina before leaving and when Mitchell asks what she is doing there, Karina says she is there to volunteer. Mitchell says Van Ryberg won’t like it but when Karina says she doesn’t control her, Mitchell relents and tells her when to meet. Later, Xandria and her volunteers get in a fight with the rest of her squad, who call them traitors, while Itchy and the others go for drinks and learn that Voloslov’s companion is actually an android that he built. Elsewhere, Van Ryberg is upset that Karina is going with Mitchell’s team and worries that she won’t make it back but Karina tells her to have some faith in them. The next morning, Mitchell and his team head to the surface and locate a nearby group of robots to attack. Their ambush is a success and the manage to short circuit one and destroy the others but one of their team had been scanned before the attack and Itchy warns that reinforcements will be on the way. As more robots start coming after them, they make their way to the drop off point, where a tent is set up for the scientists to examine the fuel cell but Blair ends up being captured by one of the robots. Karina uses a robot jet pack to fly off after her as Mitchell continues taking the robot back to the drop off point, then has Itchy and Xandria establish a perimeter. Karina manages to rescue Blair but instead of trying to make their way back, Karina notices that they are close to the radio tower and says they should stay there to take part in the second stage of the plan. Inside the tent, the scientists discover that the robots are not vessels for the aliens to use, but the aliens themselves, but before they can examine it further, they are forced to evacuate. Mitchell tells them to leave the robot and make their way back to the city as he and the other soldiers cover their escape. When they return to the city, Van Ryberg berates Mitchell for leaving Karina on the surface and plans to go find her herself but Mitchell argues with her that her job is to protect the city and she has to put them first and he will find Karina. Voloslov asks them to come into the lab and when they enter, both Van Ryberg and Mitchell are furious to see the robot had been brought into the city but the scientists say they had no choice. Van Ryberg goes to deal with the council and tells Mitchell to finish the mission, leaving unsaid for him to find Karina, but after she leaves, the robot expires, ruining the fuel cell. Mitchell asks if there is anything they can do and one scientist says they can transfer the fuel cell into another robot. Mitchell suggests using Voloslov’s companion but Voloslov says she won’t work, then reveals that Mitchell is a robot, the first one he built. Mitchell is taken aback by the news but agrees to put the fuel cells into him so he can finish the mission just as a massive robot army is spotted heading in their direction. Mitchell, Itchy, Voloslov, his assistant, and another soldier make their way to the tower while Van Ryberg leads a defense of the city, but they find themselves close to being overrun. Mitchell reaches the tower, saving Blair and Karina in the process, and they make their way inside only to encounter security measures. Suddenly, the tower begins to morph, revealing that it is a robot as well, while it’s internal security measures only increase, keeping Mitchell and his team at bay. When Voloslov realizes the security measures are on biosensors, Mitchell has Karina and the others all leave, while he goes on ahead, able to move untouched past the turrents. Mitchell enters the fuel chamber and releases the fuel cell, shutting down all of the robots before the overrun the city, then steps out of the chamber but collapses himself. Outside, Karina and Van Ryberg are reunited and embrace while everyone else sees the sun coming out from the behind the clouds for the first time in centuries and stare in wonder at their newly reclaimed world.

This was kind of a let down of a mockbuster, but I think it is because I am used to the more recent movies. The acting felt really stiff, which was funny when it concerns Matthew Wolf as he was supposed to be a robot. However, it really felt stiff with Amy Weber and Eliza Swenson, who portrayed Karina and Van Ryberg respectively, as they just didn’t make a convincing couple. The story wasn’t very original, as it seemed to borrow heavily from The Terminator, just making the robots from outer space and able to transform. The special effects were absolute garbage, which made this somewhat laughable to watch at times, and painful at others. It is an early work and I know they have gotten better, but I wish they had improved before they made this movie.

Rating: 2 out of 5

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action, adventure, movie, movie review, The Asylum

February 25th, 2018 Movie – Titanic II

titanic 2

As has become a recurring theme over the years, I have some of my friends to thank for today’s movie. I know it may come as a shock to most of you, but I really do enjoy the cheesy low budget B-movies, primarily of the sci-fi variety. To try and get my friends to enjoy them as much as I do, I have movie nights where I show numerous of these movies during the night. One such night several years ago, as we were about to watch one such movie, one of the trailers before the movie featured today’s movie. My three friends who were there at the time, Charles, Emily, and Kathy, asked me if I had it, then begin pressuring me to buy it when they learned that I didn’t own it. Needless to say, I ended up succumbing to the pressure and buying it on Amazon (it was only $9) but said that they had to watch it with me when it came in, which they agreed to. So the movie arrived, they came over to watch it, and fun was had by all. So now let’s see if history can repeat itself as I watch today’s movie, Titanic II.

The plot: Off the coast of the Helheim Glacier in Greenland, a man is surfing along the waves caused by pieces of the glacier falling into the ocean. Suddenly, a massive piece of the glacier breaks off, creating a massive wave to form that quickly knocks him off his board and drowns him. United States Coast Guard Captain James Maine receives a call from N.O.A.A. about the situation at the glacier and he contacts his regular pilot, Elliot Snipes, and has him fly him out there to investigate. Meanwhile, James’ daughter Amy and her friend Kelly Wade are in New York City waiting on James to see them off as they get ready to board the SS Titanic II, a new luxury cruise liner built by wealthy businessman Hayden Walsh. As they watch Hayden arrive, escorted by several models, Kelly questions Amy over her feelings for him, as they used to date, but Amy swears she is over him. As Kelly goes ahead and boards, Amy receives a call from James, telling her he can’t be there and telling her he doesn’t want her on the ship but she tells him everything will be fine. Amy boards the ship and runs into Hayden, where they have a brief and somewhat awkward conversation, before she heads to the infirmary where she and Kelly are working. On deck, Hayden is giving a speech to the assembled crowd and introduces Captain Howard before the ship begins it’s maiden voyage, sailing the same route the original RMS Titanic took, only in reverse. In Greenland, James reaches N.O.A.A.’s research site and is met by Dr. Kim Patterson. Kim explains that she requested his presence because of his reputation and she knew he would give her the benefit of the doubt when she explains what is happening. She tells him that the wave from the iceberg that broke off the glacier the day before had reached all the way to Canada and says that their is a chance an even bigger piece would break off soon, which could send a tsunami across the entire Atlantic Ocean. To illustrate her point, Kim takes James out to show him where the iceberg broke off and explains that global warming is making the ice melt at a faster pace than normal. Back on the ship, Hayden and Amy meet up on the deck and discuss the 6 months since the last spoke and what led to their breakup. Meanwhile, Captain Howard is overseeing the ship’s progress and one of his officers worries about being able to maneuver quick enough should they encounter ice as they near Greenland but Howard assures him that the ship is more capable than it’s predecessor. Back on the glacier, a sudden tremor occurs and cracks begin forming along the glacier. James and Kim manage to get on James’ helicopter but Kim’s team ends up falling in the cracks as the glacier breaks apart and falls into the ocean. James radios his base and speaks with Admiral Hadley and warns him of the approaching tsunami caused by the iceberg falling into the ocean. When Kim warns him about ice being a danger to ships at sea, James contacts Hadley again and has him place a warning out to ships at sea and alert the Navy to send someone to the Titanic II, as he feels it will be in danger. On board the ship, the radio operator receives the tsunami alert and tells Howard about it, who orders all passengers to be escorted to the lower decks as a precaution. After the infirmary is contacted about the situation, Amy heads to a ballroom to help just as Hayden is being informed of the situation. Hayden heads to the bridge, arguing with James over the radio that the ship can handle any ice that comes their way but James tells him that the tsunami is traveling at 800 mph and any ice moving with it will tear the ship apart. James tells Howard to move the ship south as quickly as he can but warns that the wave will reach them in 15 minutes or less. A Navy sub is traveling towards the Titanic II but encounters some icebergs under the water and ends up being destroyed when an iceberg collides with it. Back on the Titanic II, Hayden tells Howard to push the engines to 50 knots and Hayden’s second in command tells him that the engines haven’t been tested and might seize up but Howard says to go ahead and push them. James attempts to contact Amy but when she doesn’t answer, he leaves her a message telling her not to go to the lower decks and to stay in the center of the ship but if it starts taking on water, to get to the lifeboats. Snipes tells James that they are running low on fuel and they head to a Canadian Coast Guard Station to refuel. Back on the ship, one of the engines seize up as the wave approaches, sending a massive iceberg heading towards them. Captain Howard sounds the alarm as the iceberg and wave strike the ship, tearing a hole in the starboard side. As they assess the damage, they learn that all of the life boats on the starboard side were crushed by the wave’s pressure and the ship, having never been designed to withstand an impact from the side, is taking on too much water and will sink in 2-3 hours. Howard orders an evacuation and Hayden’s bodyguard ushers Hayden towards his private helicopter, rushing past Amy, who is on the deck tending to an injured passenger. When he reaches the helipad, Hayden tells his bodyguard to forget protocol and get as many injured people onto the helicopter and get them to safety first, then heads back towards the ship. Meanwhile, Kim tells James that according to the data she is receiving from N.O.A.A., tremors are still rocking the glacier and it has the chance of sending another tsunami that will dwarf the previous one. Hayden contacts Admiral Hadley and relays the information saying they need to get as many planes and helicopters into the air to get the people on the Titanic II off of the ship. However Kim receives an report that the entire front part of the glacier has fallen into the ocean and the wave is heading outward. Back on the Titanic II, evacuation procedures are commencing and after helping the injured passenger to the elevator, Amy goes to find Kelly and Hayden, who shows up to help get a fallen passenger off of her, goes with her. They find her in the infirmary pinned under a medical cabinet and bleeding from a laceration and Amy quickly makes a makeshift bandage to keep the wound sealed and they make their way to the life boats. Choosing to arrange for a mid-air refueling, James contacts the Titanic II and tells Howard not to put the lifeboats in the water as they will be deathtraps when this second wave hits. Before Howard can respond, the turbine room explodes, killing him and trapping Amy, Hayden, and Kelly in the elevator. In the helicopter, the refueling is commencing but Snipes sees the wave approaching and they disconnect and quickly fly over the wave but the refueling plane is struck by the wave and destroyed. James manages to get in touch with Amy, who tells him where they are, and he warns them about the second wave and says not to get in the lifeboat. James asks Hayden if he has any dive gear on the ship and when Hayden says they do, James says to head there and get the diving gear on so they have a better chance of staying alive. Hayden, Amy, and Kelly manage to get out of the elevator and climb up the shaft to the next floor. Making their way to the dive chamber, they find the door jammed and Hayden uses a fire axe to pry the door open and Amy tries to squeeze through but she gets stuck and as Kelly goes to push her free, the door slams closed as she does, crushing Kelly. Hayden makes it through the door and tells Amy they have to keep moving and they make their way to the dive chamber. Before they enter, they hear someone calling for help and attempt to rescue him but are unable to get the door open and the man suffocates to death from the smoke in the room. Amy and Hayden return to the dive chamber to find that there is only one tank and wet suit left so Hayden has Amy put it on. Seeing debris falling around them in the room, Hayden and Amy get into the dive locker just as the wave hits the ship, flipping it upside down while destroying all of the life rafts that had launched. Amy and Hayden find themselves trapped in the locker and with the water rising fast, Hayden makes sure that Amy has the tank on, turning on the emergency signal on the harness as he does, and tells her if they are rescued soon enough, he can be revived and Amy kisses him before they are completely submerged, then cries as Hayden drowns in front of her. James, Kim, and Snipes arrive at the site and, getting the signal from Kim’s vest, James dons some scuba gear and, after handing Kim some rope for him to use as a guide rope back, jumps into the water and makes his way to the ship. After he jumps, Snipes realizes they are almost out of fuel and has Kim throw a life raft into the water and jump for it, then crashes the helicopter away from the raft so it won’t be damaged. James makes his way to the dive chamber and frees Amy, who grabs Hayden’s body and they make their way to the surface. Kim helps them aboard the raft and Amy attempts to revive Hayden but to no avail as rescue helicopters arrive to pick them up, making Amy and the people that left in Hayden’s helicopter the only survivors.

Just to clarify, I can respect Titanic for the film it is but personally, I hate it. That being said, this wasn’t that bad of a movie but it also wasn’t something that had me on the edge of my seat in suspense. Sadly, this was kind of an average film at best. The acting was decent, with Bruce Davison (James), Brooke Burns (Kim) and Shane Van Dyke (Hayden) doing decent jobs in their roles but I felt like Marie Westbrook (Amy) couldn’t quite get her character down right. The story was interesting and based on a bit of truth, as an Australian billionaire named Clive Palmer had plans to build a Titanic 2 but financial difficulties and other issues have currently put the project on hold. A second replica Titanic 2 is being built in China but that ship is not intended for travel but rather to serve as a docked museum. The special effects weren’t too bad, though some of the shots with the waves destroying the sub, plane, and life boats were a little on the cheesy side. It’s a good movie to watch and laugh at with friends, but that is about the only redeeming feature.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

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comedy, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

January 17th, 2018 Movie – Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

sharknado 5

For me, one of the highlights of the summer is always Sharknado week on Syfy. This past year had several really fun movies, some of which have yet to be released on DVD, aside form today’s movie. Every year they seem to be going bigger and bigger with these movies and I enjoy every one of them but I know that the train will end up going off the rails soon. So let’s enjoy this while it lasts and have some fun with today’s movie, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming.

The plot: In a cave close by Stonehenge, Nova discovers a mural depicting a history of sharknados and contacts her team waiting above and tells them to contact Fin Shepard. Fin, along with April ad their son Gil, are in London for a meeting with NATO about the sharknado threat when Fin gets Nova’s call and goes to meet her. April and Gil are shown the secret lab where British scientist are working on anti-sharknado weapons and Gil is given a helmet that will allow him to survive inside a sharknado. Back at Stonehenge, Fin descends into the cavern and Nova shows him the mural and tells him that sharknados have appeared in the past but humanity fought back and won. An artifact called the Harness of Dakuwaqa is in the cavern and she had Fin brought there to help her get it. Making their way through the booby traps, the find the artifact and grab it but set off a chain reaction leading to the formation of a sharknado. Fin and Nova head back to London, with April saving them when their helicopter is attacked by sharks. Nova commandeers a bus and heads towards Buckingham Palace and when they get there, April flies off to try and stop Big Ben from being destroyed. Fin has Nova look after Gil while he leads the palace guards in a charge to rescue the Queen, who is trapped inside the palace, but despite Nova’s best efforts, Gil ends up being sucked up into the sharknado and disappears. When they regroup, Nova apologizes for what happened and both Fin and April are upset that she lost their son. Nova is upset with herself but receives a signal from Gil’s helmet showing he is alive and currently in Holland. Nova convinces Fin to head to the NATO meeting, as the best minds on the planet are there to discuss the sharknado problem. When another sharknado forms and attacks the meeting, Fin, April, and Nova are directed towards a specialized blimp piloted by Dr. Angel and they had out after the sharknado with Gil in it but Dr. Angel is killed and the Blimp catches fire and crashes over Switzerland. Fin, April, and Nova manage to get out before the crash and seeing some ski equipment, he hands April a ski and tells her to spin and form a vortex that will attract the sharknado that Gil is in towards them. The idea works but it also causes an avalanche and Fin, April, and Nova are forced to ski/snowboard to safety. With the sharknado moving away from them, Fin, April, and Nova get on a dog sled and use it to get close to the vortex before cutting the dogs free, allowing the sled to get sucked into the vortex. Inside, Fin and the others see Gil and try to grab him but are unable to and as Gil disappears again, Fin, April, and Nova find themselves somehow transported to Australia and surrounded by sharks. A helicopter shows up and throws a ladder down for them to climb to safety but as April tries to protect Fin, she is bitten in half by a shark. When they reach shore, Nova leads Fin towards the Sydney Opera House, which serves as the headquarters for her sharknado Sisterhood, telling him that they will be able to repair April. Nova then goes to contact her Sister in the China area overseeing the removal of the Nuclear waste from the last sharknado attack in America, as China had overtaken the project, and Fin is shocked to discover that it is his cousin Gemini, causing him and Nova to get into an argument. In the China Sea, a sharknado attacks the ship, absorbing the nuclear waste material into it. Back in Australia, the rebuilt April reunites with Fin and is told her flight systems no longer work and that if she receives to much of a charge, her circuits could overload. When they get a signal that the sharknado Gil is in is heading towards them, Nova has the Opera House transform into a battle station to defend Australia from it. Fin and April head to the bridge to try and bungee jump into the vortex to save Gil, with April secretly stealing the artifact from Nova before they leave. Fin and April manage to jump inside but are unable to grab Gil, who disappears into the vortex, and Fin and April end up transported to Brazil. They are picked up by a man named Rodolfo, who works for Nova, and he takes them to a woman named Vega so she can explain about the artifact, unaware that they are being followed by a mysterious man named Zico. At Vega’s place, she explains that the artifact could be used to summon a sharknado but that it should be returned to Stonehenge. While they are talking, Vega’s assistant grabs the artifact and hands it to Zico and when they discover it is missing, Fin and April chase after him. As the sharknado hits the city, Fin and April follow after Zico and they end up driving through the vortex and arrive in Rome. Fin and Zico start to fight but Zico ends up being killed by some sharks and the artifact is swallowed. Fin kills the shark and takes the artifact back but the sharknado disappears, leaving them with no idea what to do. April throws some coins into the Trevi Fountain and they are approached by an emissary of the Pope, who gives Fin a special chainsaw to help him save the world. Fin and April decide to try and summon the Sharknado to them so they can save Gil and they manage to grab him but a shark slams into them and they lose their grip on Gil and end up landing in Japan. As they check the montier to make sure Gil is alive, they see that the sharknado that had absorbed the nuclear material had mutated into a giant blob of sharks which the media dubs Sharkzilla. Nova and her Sisters fly over Sharkzilla and jump into it in an effort to rescue Gil, while the military fire missiles at Shakzilla to try and destroy it. The explosions disperse the blob but Gil is sucked into the vortex again while Nova falls to the street, where she ends up dying in Fin’s arms, apologizing for failing to save Gil. As more sharknados attack the world, Fin calls his son Matt, who tells him that Claudia, The Colonel, and Grandma are all dead just before he is killed as well. Fin and April end up in another sharknado and are transported to Egypt, where they discover hieroglyphics showing how the ancient Egyptians fought against sharknados. Realizing that the artifact is a key to a hidden chamber, they find the machine the Egyptians used and activate it, stopping the sharknados across the world but the machine doesn’t shut down and begins making even stronger sharknados. April notices a staff which serves as a key for the machine and tells Fin to grab it, then decides to try and absorb the excess energy from the machine in order to shut it down, sacrificing herself in order to do so. Carrying April’s head around in the hopes of being able to restore her, Fin searches for any survivors among the wreckage of the city and is approached by a man in a Humvee, who turns out to be an adult Gil. Gil explains that the sharknados had sent him back in time and he had been working on a way to get back to him, able to figure out how to use them as a time machine. Gil then says that they have to go back to the beginning in order to save April and the rest of their family so Fin gets in the Humvee and they head off.

This was another fun installment in the series but watching it now, I can admit that it felt a little weak. The acting was decent for the most part, though Tara Reid still seems bad (especially when she is screaming). I loved the cameos, with several of them being very funny (like Geraldo Rivera opening a tiny safe and finding it empty). The story honestly felt a little weak, as it felt like they were struggling to come up with a way to make the sharknados bigger and badder. I did like the nod to Indiana Jones that they had in the beginning of the movie and the obvious Back To The Future nod at the end but I felt like they could have done more with the movie then use it as a time travel gimmick. The special effects were good, and I did like the “Sharkzilla” aspect, which really made me laugh. A fun movie to watch but it does make me a little worried for how they will handle the next one.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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