action, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum, Uncategorized

January 6th, 2019 Movie – 6-Headed Shark Attack

6 headed shark attack

A new year is upon us and, as promised, I have returned with more movies to watch and review. Since I cut back on my movie purchasing after I finished my initial run, I am only going to be posting reviews over the weekend, primarily on Sunday but I could do them on Saturday as well depending on how busy I am. So, let’s dust this thing off and get right into a new movie. Today’s movie was part of Syfy’s Sharknado week last year and is the latest installment in the multi-headed shark franchise (I don’t think they have an actual title for the series). This was one of the movies I was most looking forward to seeing during that week, mainly to see how the shark was going to look with all of those heads; with the actual plot of the movie being a distant second. Luckily, the movie actually turned out to be pretty entertaining, much like the other movies in the series. So let’s sit back and enjoy today’s movie, 6-Headed Shark Attack.

The plot: In 1984, a graduation party for the UCSB School of Biology is being held on the floating Marine Research Station off the coast of Isla Corazón in Baja, Mexico. During the party, a couple argue over the man’s flirting and actions at the party, causing the woman to throw her engagement ring into the water. As the man heads back inside to the party, the woman stays outside to cry when she notices a large shadow moving through the water, just as a 6-headed shark begins attacking the station. In the present day, Isla Corazón has been bought by William and turned into a marriage boot camp. William is holding a session with the latest group at camp, Mary and James, Duke and Daphne, Angie and Kip, and Jake and Sarah, but when James questions where William’s wife is, William brushes off the question. After the group finishes the first task, with James refusing to participate, William notices a boat approaching the island and tells the group to grab their wetsuits and meet him on the beach, then tells his assistants Brad and Rebecca to prepare the next challenge while he goes to meet the boat. Brad and Rebecca set up the challenge, then head off to enjoy the surf but they are attacked and killed by the 6-headed shark. Meanwhile, William paddles out to the boat, where his wife/ex Suzanne and her new boyfriend greet him, and as William argues with his wife about her giving up on the camp, he reluctantly signs the papers she asks for so she can dissolve their business. On shore, the couples are all getting ready for the next task, with Jake telling Sarah his belief that the island was the home for a secret government project that was shut down during the Cold War. Meanwhile, Daphne flirts with Kip, causing tensions to flare between Angie, Kip, and Daphne, while James and Mary argue about their being at the camp and James telling Mary he is jealous about how William was looking at her. William is trying to get in touch with Brad and Rebecca when Mary approaches him, telling him that James and her want to leave. When William tries to convince her to stay, she threatens to sue him for false advertising and William relents and says that he will take them back the next day and refund their money. Mary rejoins the others, telling James that they can’t leave until tomorrow, and they all head out to the floating dock, where their supplies are. Meanwhile, William discovers a severed foot in the shallow water of the beach and rushes to join the others, just as Brad’s body surfaces near Mary. As Everyone reacts in shock on the small dock, William tells them that their only chance is to head to the boat, as the tide is to low for him to risk bringing it to them, and after James argues with him for a bit, William comes up with a plan and they all begin paddling the floating dock towards the boat. They manage to reach the boat and William tries to radio for help but is unable to reach anybody. William decides to head back and try to find Rebecca, despite the objections of the guests, and Duke decides to go with him, fashioning a make-shift bang-stick to use against the shark. They head towards the beach, where Duke spots a shadow in the water and heads out to kill the shark, while the others raise the boat’s anchors and head out to try and help them. As the shark approaches Duke and William, Duke jabs it with the boom stick, seemingly killing it, but as he talks with William, the shark revives and attacks him, ripping him in half between it’s heads, then rips off the damaged head, which quickly grows back. Meanwhile, the others are shocked by what they saw and end up running aground on the rocks and William swims out to them and tells them they have to swim back to shore. Everyone reluctantly does so and William has to help Daphne through her guilt for Duke’s death before she starts swimming. The group manage to make it to shore, where Sarah blames William for what has happened and as tempers start to flare up, Daphne points out an approaching storm system and Sarah tells them that the intensity of the storm will put the whole island underwater. William suggests heading to an old lighthouse but Sarah says that is in the direction of the storm and they won’t make it in time. Jake says they should head to the lab, as it is on floating docks, and convinces the others to go with them, with William and Daphne, who says she will go where he goes, reluctantly following. When they get to the lab, they try to find something to help them survive, with William finding a radio and attempting to call for help again. Meanwhile, James and Jake discover that the shark had been created at the lab, which had been testing the regenerative properties of sharks. Suddenly, a storm swell rocks the labs, causing Jake to fall into the water and a shelf to fall onto the opening. Sarah and the others lift the shelf so Jake can get back onto the lab but as Sarah embraces him, the shark leaps up from the opening and grabs both Jake and Sarah, killing them, then tries to get the others. William works on fending the shark off, allowing the others to escape, then starts to swim for shore himself when he hears Suzanne speaking over the radio. William rushes to the radio and makes contact with Suzanne, telling her to meet him and the others at the lighthouse, then avoids the shark before making his own swim to shore. The others reach shore and after James spots the lighthouse, they all start heading for it. As they make their way there, Kip and Angie end up falling behind and discuss their relationship. As they decide to make it work, they are shocked to see the shark approaching them, using 4 of it’s heads to walk across the sand, and Kip and Angie are both killed. Mary, James, and Daphne run for the lighthouse, with the shark shuffling after them and as it moves to attack Mary and Daphne, William appears and cuts off one of the shark’s heads, then chases it away from them so they can get to the lighthouse. When they reach the lighthouse, William and James work on finding the fuse box and getting power to the lighthouse while Mary tends to Daphne, who is in shock but when Mary leaves Daphne to look around for supplies, Daphne leaves the lighthouse and wanders to the nearby rocks to scream out her frustrations, only for the shark to kill her. Back in the lighthouse, James confronts William over his imagined affair with Mary, pointing a rifle that he finds at him but William quickly grabs the box of bullets. Mary appears with some acetylene canisters and they start bringing them up to the light to use when James spots Suzanne’s boat approaching. When the shark moves towards the boat and begins circling it, causing a vortex to drag the boat underwater, James tells William to hand him the shells but William refuses, not wanting to risk James hitting Suzanne. William leaves the lighthouse and Mary follows after him but they can only watch helplessly as the boat is dragged under and Suzanne and her boyfriend are killed. William decides to use the acetylene canisters to kill the shark, handing James some bullets for the rifle while he and Mary place the canisters on the beach and prepare to lure the shark towards them so James can shoot the canisters but James instead attempts to shoot William but Mary realizes what he is doing and knocks William aside, saving his life. James then shoots the shark in one of it’s heads but the shark simply rips it off and flings it at the lighthouse, crushing James underneath it. The shark heads back to the water and William tells MAry to grab the canisters and they swim back out to his boat, which has come free of the rocks due to the storm swell. With the motor damages, William says they will have to use the sails to get out of there, just as the shark starts attacking the boat. Mary fashions a spear to attack the shark and after fending off the shark, William grabs it and heads down into the hold to attack the shark as it tries to break through. William manages to stab the skark in the head and pin it to the ship just as Mary drops the canisters down there, flooding the hold with the gas. William shoots a flare at the shark, attempting to kill it with the gas, but the flare doesn’t ignite and they quickly swim to shore, with the shark getting free and following them. As they run from the shark, it leaps after them and gets stuck in the rocks and William shoots another flare at the canisters, causing an explosion which blows off all 6 of the shark’s heads. With the shark finally dead for good, William and Mary embrace each other before heading back towards the camp so they can try to signal for a rescue off the island.

Man, was I ever glad that this movie lived up to my expectations because it was exactly the sort of ridiculously funny movie that I enjoy watching. The acting was pretty good, with Brandon Auret doing a good job as the lead role of William. Thandi Sebe (Mary), Cord Newman (James), and Jonathan Pienaar (Duke) were also pretty good in their roles but nobody else really stood out much. The story was good in the sense that they actually attempted an explanation of how the shark came to be, though I will admit that they could have done a better job using that explanation. Unfortunately, there were some plot holes in the movie, with the biggest ones being the storm that was approaching the island, prompting the discussion on whether the lighthouse or the labs would be safer, but then it never actually materialized and seemed to have been completely forgotten towards the end of the movie. The special effects were pretty good and I loved that they finally had the shark look similar to a starfish, which is what the shark was rumored to look like in 5-Headed Shark Attack before the design was changed. I especially loved the part where they had the shark walking on land, using the snouts from the 4 back heads to move itself, as I thought that was the funniest, and most original thing I had seen from this type of movie and it literally had me falling out of my chair laughing. So it’s a fun bit of horror/sci-fi shark entertainment and if you were a fan of the other movies in the series, then you will enjoy this one as well.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

adventure, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

Flashback Review: April 26th, 2014 Movie – Bigfoot (2012)

bigfoot 2012

Ahh, an Asylum movie that involves Bigfoot. This sounds like it should be a lot of fun, so let’s see what exactly we have here. Two rival musicians as the main characters, who are at odds with each other in the film. A giant monster that terrorizes the region. A third musician that gets killed by the title monster. You know something, this honestly sounds pretty familiar to me. Wait a minute….I got it. This is just a reboot of Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid. Ok, I know it really isn’t but you have to admit that on some levels, Bigfoot (2012) does kind of seem that way. Well, let’s see how similar, or different, they are.

The plot: Outside of Deadwood, SD, a hunter lines up his shot and shoots a bear but before he can approach his trophy, he is attacked and killed by a large Bigfoot. Meanwhile, radio DJ Harley Anderson is using his show to complain about the freak snow storm the area is getting in April, as well as promote his 80’s flashback festival next week. When his show is finished, Harley heads out to the site of the festival and tells the foreman setting up the stages to clear out some trees. Harley’s former band mate, Simon Quint, has become an environmentalist and, along with some teenage followers, attempt to stop them by chaining themselves to the bulldozers but one of the drivers proceeds to start moving anyways, dragging the kids behind him. Sheriffs Becky Alvarez and Walt Henderson show up and stop the bulldozer and after listening to Harley and Simon arguing over who should be arrested, they end up taking Simon into custody. Harley’s crews get back to work but as one man heads into the woods to start cutting down some trees, he is attacked by Bigfoot. Bigfoot then heads after the rest of Harley’s crew, killing several of them and destroying the vehicles, causing a fire to break out. The fire is eventually put out and the fire chief shows him the footprints left in the snow but Harley says the festival is still on. As the festival draws closer, a couple in an RV are driving towards town when they accidentally hit Bigfoot, who throws the RV off the road. With the festival one day away, Mayor Tommy Gillis wants to pull the plug on the festival, but Harley tells him he can work out a deal with Simon to get him to stop trying to ruin the festival. Harley meets with Simon and offers to let him perform at the festival as a way to get his message out and Simon agrees to the deal. On the day of the festival, the snow has finally stopped but many of the acts, as well as the fans, have not shown up. Simon heads out to perform to a lackluster crowd while back stage, Alice Cooper, Harley’s special guest, complains about the event and threatens to quit. Harley sabotages Simon’s performance, causing feedback that wakes up Bigfoot from his cave and sends him heading towards the festival. When Alice Cooper starts performing, Bigfoot attacks the festival, killing several of the attendees and kicking Alice Cooper off the stage, killing him. As the news reports on the catastrophe, the National Guard is brought in to try and locate and kill Bigfoot but Simon tries to organize a movement to save him. Harley calls Al Hunter, a hunter friend of his, and hires him to come down and kill Bigfoot for him. As Bigfoot continues to terrorize the town, killing anyone that ventures into the forest, Simon tries to come up with a way to tranquilize it instead of killing it so it can be taken to a preserve. Harley joins Al and his team and they head out to try and kill Bigfoot but are unable to do so and Al loses two of his team members. Harley then talks with Mayor Gillis and convinces him to let him try and capture or kill Bigfoot and turn it into a tourist attraction. He then sends someone in to steal Simon’s tranquilizers so that he can use them for his plan. Simon and some of his group head out to try and track Bigfoot and run into Becky, who is searching for it as well. They find some tracks and Becky notices a cave nearby and goes to investigate it, with Simon and one of his group following her. The two team members left outside are attacked and killed by Bigfoot and when Becky, Simon, and the others go try to help, Simon realizes that his tranquilizer darts are missing. Harley and Al show up in a helicopter and try luring Bigfoot out to the open so Harley can get a clear shot at it. As Simon and Beth try to get away from Bigfoot, it continues to chase them as a National Guard tank fires at Bigfoot, burning it with it’s explosive shells and finally chasing it away. As new plans are made to deal with Bigfoot, Becky and Walt realize it is using the cave systems to travel around and try to figure out where it will show up next. Bigfoot ends up in Rapid City and begins a rampage there. Harley and Al hire some local hunters to help them try to stop Bigfoot but several of the men end up heading off early and get killed. As the rest of the hunters try to trap and kill it, Harley notices Simon flying by on his glider and shoots him down, refusing to let him stop his plans but Bigfoot still gets away. Simon and Priya, the only member of his team still there, head out to the caves to try and tranquilize Bigfoot. Meanwhile, Becky and Walt try their own way to stop him but Walt ends up getting killed in the process. Harley and Al make their way past a National Guard blockade and enter the caves looking for Bigfoot, with Al accidentally shooting Priya and wounding her when Simon and Priya surprise them. Hearing Bigfoot approaching, Al panics and runs out of the cave, followed by Harley, Simon, and Priya and Al ends up being killed by the National Guard by accident while Priya is killed by Bigfoot. Bigfoot makes it’s way to Mount Rushmore and Becky leads the National Guard to try and kill it. When the helicopter she is in is brought down, she sees Bigfoot climbing to the top of Mount Rushmore and calls in an airstrike. Simon and Harley both head to Mount Rushmore, with Simon still intending to try and tranquilize Bigfoot while Harley wants to kill it. The two end up fighting on the top of Lincoln’s head and Harley falls off the edge, Simon reaches down to try and save Harley as Bigfoot approaches them, and Simon reaches out to him for help. Seeing them on the monument, Becky tries to call off the air strike but is too late and as the missiles hit the monument, Harley, Simon, and Bigfoot are knocked off the monument and fall to the ground, where they are buried underneath the rubble. One year later, Mayor Gillis is on hand to dedicate a statue to the memory of Harley and Clint, celebrating them as heroes, while Mount Rushmore is also being rebuilt.

Yeh, it’s hard not to think that they took the plot of Mega Python vs Gatoroid and tweaked it a little because there really are a lot of similarities to it. That being said, this was a pretty decent movie, although it was a little slow to start. The acting was ok, with Barry Williams and Danny Bonaduce doing decent jobs as Simon and Harley respectively. I honestly thought that Bruce Davison (Walt), Sherilyn Fenn (Becky), and Howard Hesseman (Mayor Gillis) gave better performances while Alice Cooper’s brief appearance was just hilarious. The story honestly felt a little disjointed, as the starting point of Simon trying to save the forest from Harley was then transferred to trying to save Bigfoot, but it just felt odd with everything else going on in the movie. I liked the design of Bigfoot and how they showed it’s face taking the damage from when it was burned throughout the movie. That being said, the CGI looked a little weak and there were times where the scale felt off with the Bigfoot, as it’s size kept seeming to change somewhat in scale with the people when it was attacking them. I mean, it would always be bigger/taller than them but sometimes the size difference was a lot bigger than others. Still, it is another enjoyable movie, at least for me, from The Asylum and if you like their movies, it is worth watching.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

action, horror, movie, movie review, The Asylum, zombie movie

July 5th, 2018 Movie – Zoombies


Well folks, this is it. I have reached the last movie in my collection….well, as of January 2018. I still have a couple of movies I picked up this year but we will get to that later. Right now, I want to take a moment and think back on this. I started this little project of mine January 1st, 2014, mainly to check and see if any of my movies were messed up and needed to be replaced (side note, 6 movies in total needed to be replaced, 5 of which still in need of that). The whole blog idea came about as a joke 6 months later but it has kind of taken on a life of it’s own since then. Now I find it somewhat fitting that the last movie on the list comes from one of my favorite studios, The Asylum, as it means the list ends on a high note. Now when I first heard about this movie, I thought the idea was fantastic and couldn’t wait to pick this movie up on DVD. So let’s have some fun with today’s movie, Zoombies.

The plot: At the Eden Wildlife Zoo, which primarily contains endangered species, one of the security guards, Monte, brings in cages full of monkeys into the veterinarian’s clinic as a precaution, while the vets work on trying to figure out what is wrong with a monkey named Sandy, as she is suffering from some strange virus. When Sandy flat-lines, the head vet, Dr. Gordon, decides to inject her with some intracardiac epinephrine, overruling his assistant’s (Robin) objections about it being illegal. After injecting Sandy, they notice all of the other monkey’s acting strangely and, along with Monte, lift the covers to check on them. Suddenly, they hear a sound and when the turn around, they find Sandy is moving again and quickly leaps off the table. As they go looking for her, Sandy knocks a cabinet over onto Monte, killing him, then leaps at Robin when she tries to run, ripping out her eyes, before attacking Dr. Gordon. Meanwhile, Dr. Ellen Rogers, the zoo’s owner, is giving a tour of the zoo to a group of college interns (Amber, Ricky, A.J., Gage, Robbie and Kyle), taking their phones from them when Amber is talking on hers trying to get someone to get her out of the program. Ricky is dropped off with Chelsea, who manages the bird aviary, and as Amber, Kyle, and Robbie are dropped off at the African animal area, it is revealed that the reason Amber is there is because her grandmother is one of the zoo’s largest donors and this was her community service work for being on probation. Ellen’s daughter Thea, who was in the bus with them, says she wants to see Kifa, the zoo’s Cross River gorilla, and when they head over, Thea calls out to Kifa, who comes running out of her cave to see Thea. As A.J. watches in amazement at Kifa and Thea’s interaction, Kifa’s handler Daxton explains that Kifa and Thea practically grew up together and are best friends, then takes A.J. with him while Ellen, Thea, and Gage leave. Meanwhile, Dr. Gordon is still alive and manages to press the alarm button so Rex, the head of security, sends one of the guards, Johnny, to see what is going on. When Ellen, Thea, and Gage return to the main building, Ellen leaves Thea in her old workroom/playroom, then takes Gage to introduce him to Rex and the other two guards. As she goes to meet Leslie “Lizzy” Hogan, the new security guard hire, they get word that they lost contact with Johnny and so Rex, Lizzy, and the two other guards, Boris and Ty, head out to see what’s wrong, taking Gage with them. When they get to the clinic, they turn off the alarm and go looking for Dr. Gordon, finding him severely injured in the lab. After managing to get into the lab, they ask what happened and he starts to tell them before he suddenly starts convulsing and a monkey burst out of his chest. As the other monkeys, which are now infected, suddenly appear, they attack and kill Boris and Ty, then attack Rex. Lizzy is able to help him and they manage to kill some of them but three monkeys manage to escape. Rex contacts Ellen and tells her what is going on and she proceeds to place the zoo on lockdown while contacting the police for help. As the alarm sounds through the zoo, Chelsea and Ricky lock up the aviary, while A.J. and Daxton lock themselves in the lab next to Kifa’s enclosure. Amber, Kyle, and Robbie hear the alarm and their boss, Gus, sees the monkeys leaping through the trees and tells them to run as he gets attacked. The three interns take shelter in a t-shirt kiosk but when the warthogs, now infected, begin attacking the booth, they quickly climb up through the roof and into the trees. They are soon attacked by some infected giraffes and Kyle and Robbie are killed but Rex, Lizzy, and Gage arrive and manage to save Amber. As Rex and Lizzy argue about the aviary, as Lizzy says if any of them gets infected it and escape it would be disastrous, Amber tries to convince Gage to leave with her. When another giraffe attacks Gage, Lizzy and Rex go to help him and Amber decides to take their jeep and try to leave on her own. As the three try to figure out what they should do next, they see some elephants approaching them and Gage theorizes that they haven’t been infected, as they have no natural predators, and they can ride on them and stay safe. Meanwhile, Ellen is in contact with the police, who sends a S.W.A.T. team in to assess the situation but the team encounters some infected lions and is killed. Amber reaches the front gate and after finding it locked, she notices the camera and starts waving at it to get someone’s attention. Ellen sees her and asks where the others are but Amber yells at her to open the gate. Ellen says she can’t do that, as it would release the animals, and as Amber argues with her, Ellen notices  the lions approaching Amber and tries to warn her but Amber ignores her and tries to climb the gate but the lions attack her. As Ellen watches in horror, she notices a sensor saying that an animal is in the watchtower, just as she realizes Thea isn’t with her. Thea is back in the playroom and as she approaches the stuffed koala, she realizes it is a real one when it tries to bite her and when Ellen manages to enter the room, she finds that Thea killed it with a baseball bat. Back in the park, the elephants get spooked by a bunch of infected lemurs in the trees, knocking Rex and the others off of them and accidentally stepping on Rex’s leg, breaking it. As the lemurs start to attack them, they are rescued by Daxton and A.J., who take them back to the lab. As they discuss the situation, Lizzy notices animals approaching the gorilla compound and Daxton runs out to protect Kifa, only to discover that Kifa has become infected. Kifa attacks Daxton, throwing him through the door to the lab and kills him, then begins hunting the others. Rex tells Lizzy to make sure none of the animals, especially the birds in the aviary, escape the zoo, then grabs a machete and stabs Kifa, buying the others time to escape. Kifa kills Rex, then chases after the others, who climb up the rocks of her enclosure then drop a boulder to stop her before they escape. Trying to figure out their next move, they see the jeep driving by and go rushing to it only to find fatally wounded Amber behind the wheel. Amber ends up dying and Lizzy uses the radio to contact Ellen and tell her what is going on. Ellen tells her that she will get Chelsea and Ricky out of the aviary and tells them to meet back at the watchtower. When the lions appear and start feeding on Amber, Lizzy, Gage, and A.J. get in the jeep and drive off, killing some of the lions that chase after them but they end up wrecking the jeep in the process. Hearing some animals moving down the path, Gage leads them towards the ziplines, and they use them to get to the watchtower but the cable snap as they get close and A.J. ends up falling to his death while Lizzy grabs onto Gage, and they then make it to the watchtower. Ellen lets them inside and as they make plans to head to the aviary, they arm themselves with weapons from the security room, as well as grabbing all of the gasoline and fuel they can carry in order to destroy the aviary. When they get there, Lizzy and Gage head inside to find Ricky and Chelsea only to find that they have been attacked by the birds, who are infected. The two begin shooting at the birds when they start attacking them while outside, Ellen notices some of the birds trying to peck through the glass and starts pouring gas around the aviary in order to set it on fire. Lighting the fuel on fire, the fire starts to engulf the aviary but she realizes it won’t kill the birds before they escape. Gage and Lizzy manage to make it out and Lizzy has Ellen move the truck next to the aviary, then uses a flare to ignite the remaining fuel in the truck, causing it to explode and take the aviary with it. As they watch the birds die in flames, they are surprised to see Kifa approach them and they quickly run for the gate. They try to climb the gate but Kifa attacks them and Ellen is forced to shoot him in the head. A helicopter picks them up and takes them to safety but back in the zoo, it is shown that Kifa was not killed and regains consciousness.

This was an entertaining movie but I will admit that I was a little disappointed in some of the effects. The acting was ok, with Andrew Asper (Gage) doing a good job as the surprising male lead while Ione Butler (Lizzy) and Kim Nielsen (Ellen) did good jobs as the female leads. The story was interesting and I liked the idea of the virus turning the animals into zombies, somewhat, but, and I know this is odd coming from me, but I wish they did at least attempt to explain how the virus first started and not just jump into “sick monkey attacks people” part. One scene that I did find funny/plot problem was at the end in the aviary. When Gage and Lizzy were firing on the birds, the shots that missed could have easily broken the glass and allowed the birds to escape but of course, that magically doesn’t happen. The special effects were honestly a little weak, particularly some of the green screen aspects of the movie. One thing I thought was pretty annoying was that after Kifa was infected, they would keep switching back and forth between the infected face and the pre-infected face, even when he was chasing after people. The back and forth with the face really bugged me more than anything else in the movie. Kifa and the special effects aside, this was still a fun movie to watch and another solid entry from The Asylum.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

action, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum, thriller

March 11th, 2018 Movie – Transmorphers


Now it only made sense that when a live action Transformers movie was announced, The Asylum would be quick to make a mockbuster of that movie. I actually remember going into Blockbuster and seeing this movie on the shelf, with a sticker on the case saying that “This not the Transformers movie currently in theaters”. Honestly, I found it incredibly funny that someone would mistake the two movies, but stranger things have occurred, like finding a legitimate porn movie on the shelves at Blockbuster. Anyways, I never got around to renting this movie when it was in Blockbuster but a few years ago, when The Asylum was having a warehouse sale on some of their movies, I decided to buy a lot of their movies that I did not own at the time, including this movie and it’s sequel. So let’s see how good/bad this movie is as I watch Transmorphers.

The plot: When life is detected on another planet millions of light years away, the Earth sends a message of peace to them. Unknown to the Earth, the planet launches thousands of cubes towards Earth, reaching it in 5 days. The cubes turn into giant robots, which begin decimating the humans, wiping out 90% of the population and driving the survivors underground. The alien robots then alter the Earth’s atmosphere, covering the planet in almost eternal darkness and rainfall to make the planet more like their own. Hundreds of years later, the robots are spotted advancing beyond their normal boundaries. The matter is brought up to the council, who choose not to do anything but General Van Ryberg decides not to wait until it is too late. Van Ryberg has a patrol team lead by Lt. Blackthorn to capture a robot so they can study it as part of a long term plan to retake the planet. The team head up to the surface but after placing the EM mine, a sudden high pitched whining sound is heard. Suddenly, one of the team begins convulsing and bleeding from his ears and nose. Back in the base, Van Ryberg realizes that the brain scans they heard about are real, she orders the patrol to evacuate but when they are surrounded by more robots, that were disguised as parts of the surrounding area, she has them written off and orders a briefing in her office. During the briefing, some people argue that the best person to lead the mission is Warren Mitchell, but Van Ryberg and some others argue against it, as Mitchell was judged a traitor and sentenced to 100 years in cryo-stasis. After all of the arguments are heard, Van Ryberg decides to have Mitchell thawed out, as well as one of his men, Itchy. Van Ryberg tells the two men that their release is conditional and as they start to leave, she warns Mitchell to stay away from Karina Nadir, as her and Van Ryberg are now married. Mitchell and Itchy meet the team that Van Ryberg assigned to them but after Mitchell tests them, he chooses only one member of the team to join him, then asks Itchy to find him some more volunteers. Itchy reaches out to Blair, a former friend/lover, to get some volunteers and as Mitchell speaks with the new volunteers, he is happy to see Xandria Lux (who had voiced support for Mitchell’s release) and some of her squad showing up to volunteer as well. Mitchell turns the briefing over to Doctor Voloslov Alextzavich, who tells them that they need to capture a Z-bot intact so they can study their fuel cells, as he believes if they can corrupt a fuel cell and place it into one of their radio towers, they can send out a signal to power down all of the robots. He warns them that the robot has to be kept in tact, as the fuel cells self destruct if the robot is destroyed. When someone asks about bringing the robot back to the city for study, he warns that the fuel cells also act as a tracking device so that would lead the robots right to them. Mitchell dismisses the team, saying to meet back in the morning, and as he talks with Xandria, they see Karina show up. Xandria has a few harsh words with Karina before leaving and when Mitchell asks what she is doing there, Karina says she is there to volunteer. Mitchell says Van Ryberg won’t like it but when Karina says she doesn’t control her, Mitchell relents and tells her when to meet. Later, Xandria and her volunteers get in a fight with the rest of her squad, who call them traitors, while Itchy and the others go for drinks and learn that Voloslov’s companion is actually an android that he built. Elsewhere, Van Ryberg is upset that Karina is going with Mitchell’s team and worries that she won’t make it back but Karina tells her to have some faith in them. The next morning, Mitchell and his team head to the surface and locate a nearby group of robots to attack. Their ambush is a success and the manage to short circuit one and destroy the others but one of their team had been scanned before the attack and Itchy warns that reinforcements will be on the way. As more robots start coming after them, they make their way to the drop off point, where a tent is set up for the scientists to examine the fuel cell but Blair ends up being captured by one of the robots. Karina uses a robot jet pack to fly off after her as Mitchell continues taking the robot back to the drop off point, then has Itchy and Xandria establish a perimeter. Karina manages to rescue Blair but instead of trying to make their way back, Karina notices that they are close to the radio tower and says they should stay there to take part in the second stage of the plan. Inside the tent, the scientists discover that the robots are not vessels for the aliens to use, but the aliens themselves, but before they can examine it further, they are forced to evacuate. Mitchell tells them to leave the robot and make their way back to the city as he and the other soldiers cover their escape. When they return to the city, Van Ryberg berates Mitchell for leaving Karina on the surface and plans to go find her herself but Mitchell argues with her that her job is to protect the city and she has to put them first and he will find Karina. Voloslov asks them to come into the lab and when they enter, both Van Ryberg and Mitchell are furious to see the robot had been brought into the city but the scientists say they had no choice. Van Ryberg goes to deal with the council and tells Mitchell to finish the mission, leaving unsaid for him to find Karina, but after she leaves, the robot expires, ruining the fuel cell. Mitchell asks if there is anything they can do and one scientist says they can transfer the fuel cell into another robot. Mitchell suggests using Voloslov’s companion but Voloslov says she won’t work, then reveals that Mitchell is a robot, the first one he built. Mitchell is taken aback by the news but agrees to put the fuel cells into him so he can finish the mission just as a massive robot army is spotted heading in their direction. Mitchell, Itchy, Voloslov, his assistant, and another soldier make their way to the tower while Van Ryberg leads a defense of the city, but they find themselves close to being overrun. Mitchell reaches the tower, saving Blair and Karina in the process, and they make their way inside only to encounter security measures. Suddenly, the tower begins to morph, revealing that it is a robot as well, while it’s internal security measures only increase, keeping Mitchell and his team at bay. When Voloslov realizes the security measures are on biosensors, Mitchell has Karina and the others all leave, while he goes on ahead, able to move untouched past the turrents. Mitchell enters the fuel chamber and releases the fuel cell, shutting down all of the robots before the overrun the city, then steps out of the chamber but collapses himself. Outside, Karina and Van Ryberg are reunited and embrace while everyone else sees the sun coming out from the behind the clouds for the first time in centuries and stare in wonder at their newly reclaimed world.

This was kind of a let down of a mockbuster, but I think it is because I am used to the more recent movies. The acting felt really stiff, which was funny when it concerns Matthew Wolf as he was supposed to be a robot. However, it really felt stiff with Amy Weber and Eliza Swenson, who portrayed Karina and Van Ryberg respectively, as they just didn’t make a convincing couple. The story wasn’t very original, as it seemed to borrow heavily from The Terminator, just making the robots from outer space and able to transform. The special effects were absolute garbage, which made this somewhat laughable to watch at times, and painful at others. It is an early work and I know they have gotten better, but I wish they had improved before they made this movie.

Rating: 2 out of 5

action, adventure, movie, movie review, The Asylum

February 25th, 2018 Movie – Titanic II

titanic 2

As has become a recurring theme over the years, I have some of my friends to thank for today’s movie. I know it may come as a shock to most of you, but I really do enjoy the cheesy low budget B-movies, primarily of the sci-fi variety. To try and get my friends to enjoy them as much as I do, I have movie nights where I show numerous of these movies during the night. One such night several years ago, as we were about to watch one such movie, one of the trailers before the movie featured today’s movie. My three friends who were there at the time, Charles, Emily, and Kathy, asked me if I had it, then begin pressuring me to buy it when they learned that I didn’t own it. Needless to say, I ended up succumbing to the pressure and buying it on Amazon (it was only $9) but said that they had to watch it with me when it came in, which they agreed to. So the movie arrived, they came over to watch it, and fun was had by all. So now let’s see if history can repeat itself as I watch today’s movie, Titanic II.

The plot: Off the coast of the Helheim Glacier in Greenland, a man is surfing along the waves caused by pieces of the glacier falling into the ocean. Suddenly, a massive piece of the glacier breaks off, creating a massive wave to form that quickly knocks him off his board and drowns him. United States Coast Guard Captain James Maine receives a call from N.O.A.A. about the situation at the glacier and he contacts his regular pilot, Elliot Snipes, and has him fly him out there to investigate. Meanwhile, James’ daughter Amy and her friend Kelly Wade are in New York City waiting on James to see them off as they get ready to board the SS Titanic II, a new luxury cruise liner built by wealthy businessman Hayden Walsh. As they watch Hayden arrive, escorted by several models, Kelly questions Amy over her feelings for him, as they used to date, but Amy swears she is over him. As Kelly goes ahead and boards, Amy receives a call from James, telling her he can’t be there and telling her he doesn’t want her on the ship but she tells him everything will be fine. Amy boards the ship and runs into Hayden, where they have a brief and somewhat awkward conversation, before she heads to the infirmary where she and Kelly are working. On deck, Hayden is giving a speech to the assembled crowd and introduces Captain Howard before the ship begins it’s maiden voyage, sailing the same route the original RMS Titanic took, only in reverse. In Greenland, James reaches N.O.A.A.’s research site and is met by Dr. Kim Patterson. Kim explains that she requested his presence because of his reputation and she knew he would give her the benefit of the doubt when she explains what is happening. She tells him that the wave from the iceberg that broke off the glacier the day before had reached all the way to Canada and says that their is a chance an even bigger piece would break off soon, which could send a tsunami across the entire Atlantic Ocean. To illustrate her point, Kim takes James out to show him where the iceberg broke off and explains that global warming is making the ice melt at a faster pace than normal. Back on the ship, Hayden and Amy meet up on the deck and discuss the 6 months since the last spoke and what led to their breakup. Meanwhile, Captain Howard is overseeing the ship’s progress and one of his officers worries about being able to maneuver quick enough should they encounter ice as they near Greenland but Howard assures him that the ship is more capable than it’s predecessor. Back on the glacier, a sudden tremor occurs and cracks begin forming along the glacier. James and Kim manage to get on James’ helicopter but Kim’s team ends up falling in the cracks as the glacier breaks apart and falls into the ocean. James radios his base and speaks with Admiral Hadley and warns him of the approaching tsunami caused by the iceberg falling into the ocean. When Kim warns him about ice being a danger to ships at sea, James contacts Hadley again and has him place a warning out to ships at sea and alert the Navy to send someone to the Titanic II, as he feels it will be in danger. On board the ship, the radio operator receives the tsunami alert and tells Howard about it, who orders all passengers to be escorted to the lower decks as a precaution. After the infirmary is contacted about the situation, Amy heads to a ballroom to help just as Hayden is being informed of the situation. Hayden heads to the bridge, arguing with James over the radio that the ship can handle any ice that comes their way but James tells him that the tsunami is traveling at 800 mph and any ice moving with it will tear the ship apart. James tells Howard to move the ship south as quickly as he can but warns that the wave will reach them in 15 minutes or less. A Navy sub is traveling towards the Titanic II but encounters some icebergs under the water and ends up being destroyed when an iceberg collides with it. Back on the Titanic II, Hayden tells Howard to push the engines to 50 knots and Hayden’s second in command tells him that the engines haven’t been tested and might seize up but Howard says to go ahead and push them. James attempts to contact Amy but when she doesn’t answer, he leaves her a message telling her not to go to the lower decks and to stay in the center of the ship but if it starts taking on water, to get to the lifeboats. Snipes tells James that they are running low on fuel and they head to a Canadian Coast Guard Station to refuel. Back on the ship, one of the engines seize up as the wave approaches, sending a massive iceberg heading towards them. Captain Howard sounds the alarm as the iceberg and wave strike the ship, tearing a hole in the starboard side. As they assess the damage, they learn that all of the life boats on the starboard side were crushed by the wave’s pressure and the ship, having never been designed to withstand an impact from the side, is taking on too much water and will sink in 2-3 hours. Howard orders an evacuation and Hayden’s bodyguard ushers Hayden towards his private helicopter, rushing past Amy, who is on the deck tending to an injured passenger. When he reaches the helipad, Hayden tells his bodyguard to forget protocol and get as many injured people onto the helicopter and get them to safety first, then heads back towards the ship. Meanwhile, Kim tells James that according to the data she is receiving from N.O.A.A., tremors are still rocking the glacier and it has the chance of sending another tsunami that will dwarf the previous one. Hayden contacts Admiral Hadley and relays the information saying they need to get as many planes and helicopters into the air to get the people on the Titanic II off of the ship. However Kim receives an report that the entire front part of the glacier has fallen into the ocean and the wave is heading outward. Back on the Titanic II, evacuation procedures are commencing and after helping the injured passenger to the elevator, Amy goes to find Kelly and Hayden, who shows up to help get a fallen passenger off of her, goes with her. They find her in the infirmary pinned under a medical cabinet and bleeding from a laceration and Amy quickly makes a makeshift bandage to keep the wound sealed and they make their way to the life boats. Choosing to arrange for a mid-air refueling, James contacts the Titanic II and tells Howard not to put the lifeboats in the water as they will be deathtraps when this second wave hits. Before Howard can respond, the turbine room explodes, killing him and trapping Amy, Hayden, and Kelly in the elevator. In the helicopter, the refueling is commencing but Snipes sees the wave approaching and they disconnect and quickly fly over the wave but the refueling plane is struck by the wave and destroyed. James manages to get in touch with Amy, who tells him where they are, and he warns them about the second wave and says not to get in the lifeboat. James asks Hayden if he has any dive gear on the ship and when Hayden says they do, James says to head there and get the diving gear on so they have a better chance of staying alive. Hayden, Amy, and Kelly manage to get out of the elevator and climb up the shaft to the next floor. Making their way to the dive chamber, they find the door jammed and Hayden uses a fire axe to pry the door open and Amy tries to squeeze through but she gets stuck and as Kelly goes to push her free, the door slams closed as she does, crushing Kelly. Hayden makes it through the door and tells Amy they have to keep moving and they make their way to the dive chamber. Before they enter, they hear someone calling for help and attempt to rescue him but are unable to get the door open and the man suffocates to death from the smoke in the room. Amy and Hayden return to the dive chamber to find that there is only one tank and wet suit left so Hayden has Amy put it on. Seeing debris falling around them in the room, Hayden and Amy get into the dive locker just as the wave hits the ship, flipping it upside down while destroying all of the life rafts that had launched. Amy and Hayden find themselves trapped in the locker and with the water rising fast, Hayden makes sure that Amy has the tank on, turning on the emergency signal on the harness as he does, and tells her if they are rescued soon enough, he can be revived and Amy kisses him before they are completely submerged, then cries as Hayden drowns in front of her. James, Kim, and Snipes arrive at the site and, getting the signal from Kim’s vest, James dons some scuba gear and, after handing Kim some rope for him to use as a guide rope back, jumps into the water and makes his way to the ship. After he jumps, Snipes realizes they are almost out of fuel and has Kim throw a life raft into the water and jump for it, then crashes the helicopter away from the raft so it won’t be damaged. James makes his way to the dive chamber and frees Amy, who grabs Hayden’s body and they make their way to the surface. Kim helps them aboard the raft and Amy attempts to revive Hayden but to no avail as rescue helicopters arrive to pick them up, making Amy and the people that left in Hayden’s helicopter the only survivors.

Just to clarify, I can respect Titanic for the film it is but personally, I hate it. That being said, this wasn’t that bad of a movie but it also wasn’t something that had me on the edge of my seat in suspense. Sadly, this was kind of an average film at best. The acting was decent, with Bruce Davison (James), Brooke Burns (Kim) and Shane Van Dyke (Hayden) doing decent jobs in their roles but I felt like Marie Westbrook (Amy) couldn’t quite get her character down right. The story was interesting and based on a bit of truth, as an Australian billionaire named Clive Palmer had plans to build a Titanic 2 but financial difficulties and other issues have currently put the project on hold. A second replica Titanic 2 is being built in China but that ship is not intended for travel but rather to serve as a docked museum. The special effects weren’t too bad, though some of the shots with the waves destroying the sub, plane, and life boats were a little on the cheesy side. It’s a good movie to watch and laugh at with friends, but that is about the only redeeming feature.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

comedy, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

January 17th, 2018 Movie – Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

sharknado 5

For me, one of the highlights of the summer is always Sharknado week on Syfy. This past year had several really fun movies, some of which have yet to be released on DVD, aside form today’s movie. Every year they seem to be going bigger and bigger with these movies and I enjoy every one of them but I know that the train will end up going off the rails soon. So let’s enjoy this while it lasts and have some fun with today’s movie, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming.

The plot: In a cave close by Stonehenge, Nova discovers a mural depicting a history of sharknados and contacts her team waiting above and tells them to contact Fin Shepard. Fin, along with April ad their son Gil, are in London for a meeting with NATO about the sharknado threat when Fin gets Nova’s call and goes to meet her. April and Gil are shown the secret lab where British scientist are working on anti-sharknado weapons and Gil is given a helmet that will allow him to survive inside a sharknado. Back at Stonehenge, Fin descends into the cavern and Nova shows him the mural and tells him that sharknados have appeared in the past but humanity fought back and won. An artifact called the Harness of Dakuwaqa is in the cavern and she had Fin brought there to help her get it. Making their way through the booby traps, the find the artifact and grab it but set off a chain reaction leading to the formation of a sharknado. Fin and Nova head back to London, with April saving them when their helicopter is attacked by sharks. Nova commandeers a bus and heads towards Buckingham Palace and when they get there, April flies off to try and stop Big Ben from being destroyed. Fin has Nova look after Gil while he leads the palace guards in a charge to rescue the Queen, who is trapped inside the palace, but despite Nova’s best efforts, Gil ends up being sucked up into the sharknado and disappears. When they regroup, Nova apologizes for what happened and both Fin and April are upset that she lost their son. Nova is upset with herself but receives a signal from Gil’s helmet showing he is alive and currently in Holland. Nova convinces Fin to head to the NATO meeting, as the best minds on the planet are there to discuss the sharknado problem. When another sharknado forms and attacks the meeting, Fin, April, and Nova are directed towards a specialized blimp piloted by Dr. Angel and they had out after the sharknado with Gil in it but Dr. Angel is killed and the Blimp catches fire and crashes over Switzerland. Fin, April, and Nova manage to get out before the crash and seeing some ski equipment, he hands April a ski and tells her to spin and form a vortex that will attract the sharknado that Gil is in towards them. The idea works but it also causes an avalanche and Fin, April, and Nova are forced to ski/snowboard to safety. With the sharknado moving away from them, Fin, April, and Nova get on a dog sled and use it to get close to the vortex before cutting the dogs free, allowing the sled to get sucked into the vortex. Inside, Fin and the others see Gil and try to grab him but are unable to and as Gil disappears again, Fin, April, and Nova find themselves somehow transported to Australia and surrounded by sharks. A helicopter shows up and throws a ladder down for them to climb to safety but as April tries to protect Fin, she is bitten in half by a shark. When they reach shore, Nova leads Fin towards the Sydney Opera House, which serves as the headquarters for her sharknado Sisterhood, telling him that they will be able to repair April. Nova then goes to contact her Sister in the China area overseeing the removal of the Nuclear waste from the last sharknado attack in America, as China had overtaken the project, and Fin is shocked to discover that it is his cousin Gemini, causing him and Nova to get into an argument. In the China Sea, a sharknado attacks the ship, absorbing the nuclear waste material into it. Back in Australia, the rebuilt April reunites with Fin and is told her flight systems no longer work and that if she receives to much of a charge, her circuits could overload. When they get a signal that the sharknado Gil is in is heading towards them, Nova has the Opera House transform into a battle station to defend Australia from it. Fin and April head to the bridge to try and bungee jump into the vortex to save Gil, with April secretly stealing the artifact from Nova before they leave. Fin and April manage to jump inside but are unable to grab Gil, who disappears into the vortex, and Fin and April end up transported to Brazil. They are picked up by a man named Rodolfo, who works for Nova, and he takes them to a woman named Vega so she can explain about the artifact, unaware that they are being followed by a mysterious man named Zico. At Vega’s place, she explains that the artifact could be used to summon a sharknado but that it should be returned to Stonehenge. While they are talking, Vega’s assistant grabs the artifact and hands it to Zico and when they discover it is missing, Fin and April chase after him. As the sharknado hits the city, Fin and April follow after Zico and they end up driving through the vortex and arrive in Rome. Fin and Zico start to fight but Zico ends up being killed by some sharks and the artifact is swallowed. Fin kills the shark and takes the artifact back but the sharknado disappears, leaving them with no idea what to do. April throws some coins into the Trevi Fountain and they are approached by an emissary of the Pope, who gives Fin a special chainsaw to help him save the world. Fin and April decide to try and summon the Sharknado to them so they can save Gil and they manage to grab him but a shark slams into them and they lose their grip on Gil and end up landing in Japan. As they check the montier to make sure Gil is alive, they see that the sharknado that had absorbed the nuclear material had mutated into a giant blob of sharks which the media dubs Sharkzilla. Nova and her Sisters fly over Sharkzilla and jump into it in an effort to rescue Gil, while the military fire missiles at Shakzilla to try and destroy it. The explosions disperse the blob but Gil is sucked into the vortex again while Nova falls to the street, where she ends up dying in Fin’s arms, apologizing for failing to save Gil. As more sharknados attack the world, Fin calls his son Matt, who tells him that Claudia, The Colonel, and Grandma are all dead just before he is killed as well. Fin and April end up in another sharknado and are transported to Egypt, where they discover hieroglyphics showing how the ancient Egyptians fought against sharknados. Realizing that the artifact is a key to a hidden chamber, they find the machine the Egyptians used and activate it, stopping the sharknados across the world but the machine doesn’t shut down and begins making even stronger sharknados. April notices a staff which serves as a key for the machine and tells Fin to grab it, then decides to try and absorb the excess energy from the machine in order to shut it down, sacrificing herself in order to do so. Carrying April’s head around in the hopes of being able to restore her, Fin searches for any survivors among the wreckage of the city and is approached by a man in a Humvee, who turns out to be an adult Gil. Gil explains that the sharknados had sent him back in time and he had been working on a way to get back to him, able to figure out how to use them as a time machine. Gil then says that they have to go back to the beginning in order to save April and the rest of their family so Fin gets in the Humvee and they head off.

This was another fun installment in the series but watching it now, I can admit that it felt a little weak. The acting was decent for the most part, though Tara Reid still seems bad (especially when she is screaming). I loved the cameos, with several of them being very funny (like Geraldo Rivera opening a tiny safe and finding it empty). The story honestly felt a little weak, as it felt like they were struggling to come up with a way to make the sharknados bigger and badder. I did like the nod to Indiana Jones that they had in the beginning of the movie and the obvious Back To The Future nod at the end but I felt like they could have done more with the movie then use it as a time travel gimmick. The special effects were good, and I did like the “Sharkzilla” aspect, which really made me laugh. A fun movie to watch but it does make me a little worried for how they will handle the next one.

Rating: 4 out of 5

action, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

January 3rd, 2017 Movie – Empire Of The Sharks

empire of the sharks

You know, I forgot to mention that I did make a New Year’s resolution this year, one that has some influence on this site. Now I have a lot of DVD’s, that is pretty much an established fact at this point. And as a result of this, I am starting to run out of room to put them all. So starting this year, I am going to be buying more movies digitally in order to keep from running out of space. That brings us to today’s movie. Today’s movie is another movie that debuted during Sharknado week and one of the movies I was most interested in seeing, mainly due to it’s being something of a sequel to Planet Of The Sharks, which had debuted the year before. So let’s see how they did with today’s movie, Empire Of The Sharks.

The plot: In a future where most of the Earth’s surface is covered in water, a ship captained by Mason Scrim arrives at a small floating village called Caratoa and demands tribute to his leader, Warlord Ian Fien, in exchange for fresh water. When he deems their tribute not enough, he orders the village leader Tustin Worth, to double it the next day. Tustin argues that the amount of water is not enough for his village so Mason orders his men to grab several of the girls from the village, one of whom is a young girl named Willow. When Tustin protests, Mason has him captured and hung off his ship, where he then uses some electronic control gloves to summon some of the sharks that Ian Fien controls, which gives him control of the oceans, and kills Tustin and some of the men. He then orders the surviving villagers to double the tribute or else their villagers will become the permanent property of Ian Fien. After they leave, a young man named Timor and his friend Sion take their submersible craft and chase after them. As they follow the ship to Ian Fien’s fortress, Sion comments about Mason’s control of the sharks and Timor tells her that he saw something similar as a child but the man respected the sharks and merely guided them away from people, not using them to kill for him, and says that there may be another person that can do it. When they reach the outskirts of the fortress, Timor exits the sub and swims to the dock to try and rescue Willow as she is being escorted inside but he is spotted and is forced to fend off the guards before diving back to the water to avoid a flamethrower. Sion pilots the sub to go rescue him but accidentally sets off the proximity alarm, which causes the underwater gates to open and Ian Fien’s shark army swims out to chase after them. They manage to get away by diving deeper than the sharks are comfortable swimming, then surface before the pressure destroys the sub and head back to the village. Back at the fortress, Willow is chained to a turnstile and forced to move it with the rest of the slaves, as it powers the device which allows Ian Fien to control the sharks, with those too tired to work tied to floats and fed to his sharks. As they are working, the woman next to Willow notices her Sun Stone, which Willow says allows her to navigate using the sun, and asks if she was taught the way of “shark calling”, believing she was there for a reason, but Willow says she didn’t know how. Back at the village, Timor argues with the elders to help him rescue their people but they refuse so Timor and Sion gather what valuables they have and head off to a trading port to try and hire some people to help them. When they reach the port, their bag is stolen by a thug and some of his men but the thug is quickly thrown into the water by Captain Ann Aldrin, and Timor tries to talk with her but she says he will need more than what he has to offer. Continuing to observe the crowd, Timor and Sion manage to secure a meeting with Edgar (who is an expert at sonar technology), Toby (a deep sea explosives/salvage expert), and Nimue (a deep sea diver). Timor lays out his plan and manages to convince them to join his quest, then he tries to find a ship to use but Ann Arkin and the others refuse. Edgar, Toby, and Nimue show him a boat that they stole, which contains the parts for a kinetic energy generator, which Ian Fien will use to power his desalinization machine instead of the human labor he uses now. Timor tries to use the parts as leverage to get their people free but Mason says he will destroy Caratoa unless they give them the parts back. Timor tries to bluff but Toby tells him it is too late as Nimue had stolen the parts and Toby had planted explosives on the ship and blows it up. Hearing the ship’s destruction on the radio, Ian Fien orders all of the hostages to be fed to his sharks but an unknown force causes the sharks to ignore his system’s commands. When he has Willow placed in the water and nothing happens, he realizes she is the one responsible and has her brought to him. Timor yells out to Willow and Ian Fien, realizing the leverage he has, tells Timor to meet Mason at Naru port with his items or else everyone will be killed. Timor gets the parts back from Nimue and tells them he is cancelling their contract but they decide to go with him and Ann Aldrin joins them, saying it was everyone’s fault for letting Ian Fien grow so powerful and they needed to fight back now while they had a chance. Back at the fortress, Ian Fien has Willow brought to him and tells her of the times when the floods started, the group of people he was in were trying to get on the last of the mountains only to be pushed back into the sea by those that were already there. He then says that someone in the group was able to communicate with the sharks and have them leave the people in peace and he was inspired to create his device so he could communicate with the sharks as well, but use them as his weapon. Ian Fien tries to get her to tell him how she is able to communicate with the sharks, believing her sun stone is the source of her ability, but Willow says she doesn’t have any powers. Ian Fien’s scientist decides to try and map her brain waves so they can study them and figure out her secret and Ian Fien designs a test so they can do that. Sending Mason to Caratoa, Ian Fien places one of the hostages in the water and orders Willow to have the sharks attack her or else he will have Mason use his sharks to destroy Caratoa. As Ian Fien counts down before giving Mason the order, their proximity alarm goes off and he orders Mason to return to the fort while he takes Willows sun stone and has her and the other hostages placed back in their cells. Outside the fort, Edgar says they have to get closer so he can map out the fort but Ann Aldrin says that they can’t get too close or else the fort’s catapult will take them out. Timor decides to use a motorized surfboard to head out and serve as a distraction, allowing Ann Aldin to pilot the boat closer and allow Edgar to map the base. The plan works but as they get out of range of the catapult, Ian Fien has his sharks knock Timor off the surfboard and as the others try to help him get on board the ship, Toby is grabbed by a shark and killed. Safely out of range, Edgar figures out where the prisoners are being held and says the only thing way they can get in, aside from the front door, is through the portal where Ian Fien keeps his sharks. Meanwhile, Ian Fien orders a kamikaze shark to be made ready and sends it out to blow up Ann Aldrin’s ship. Nimue says she is going with Timor and she dives into the water and proceeds to lure the sharks away from him but ends up getting eaten while he manages to reach the portal and make his way inside the base. Willow senses Timor’s presence and tries to use her power to keep the sharks away from him but she is unable too and the sharks swim into the pen after him. Meanwhile, Edgar picks up the kamikaze shark approaching and Ann tries to blow it up before it hits them but when she misses, orders Edgar and Sion to abandon ship. The three manage to jump into the water before the shark impacts with the ship and blows it up and Edgar is later killed by another shark. Ian Fien prepares to have the sharks kill Sion and Ann but he notices the sun stone glowing and realizes that Willow is using her power to try and save them. He then has Sion and Ann brought inside the fort and placed on floats, then has Willow attached to a machine to measure her brain waves while he has his sharks attack Sion and Ann. Willow is able to take control of the sharks and has them start attacking Ian Fien’s men, including his scientist. Ian Fien manages to render her unconscious and destroys the sun stone, then throws her into the water so she can drown, saying their can be only one person controlling the sharks. Meanwhile, Timor had managed to empty the ballasts of the fort, causing it to sink, and then rescues Willow and brings her ashore. As he tends to her, Timor is attacked by a returning Mason but Willow regains consciousness and uses her powers to have a shark attack and kill Mason. Timor and Willow rescue Sion and Ann and they make plans to grab Mason’s boat and free the hostages, as well as grabbing the desalinization equipment, and leaving. Ian Fien tries to stop Timor and Willow, knocking them both into the water and sending the sharks after them but Willow manages to take control of them, shorting out Ian’s control disks as they struggle for control of the sharks. With Ian Fien no longer able to control the sharks, Willow has several sharks attack and kill Ian Fien, then disperses the sharks to the oceans and rejoins the others on the ship. They return to Caratoa, where Timor, Sion, and Ann pay tribute to the sacrifices of Toby, Edgar, and Nimue. Meanwhile, a village elder approaches Willow and begins training her to fully utilize her powers as a shark caller, and Sion jokes with Timor that he will have to up his game if he hopes to hace a chance with her now.

I know many people don’t like these types of movies, but this was actually a really good movie, and one of the better ones to come out last year. The acting was pretty good, with John Savage (Ian Fiuen), Jack Armstrong (Timor), and Thandi Sebe (Sion) doing a good job in their roles. As good as they were, I felt that Ashley de Lange (Willow) and Jonathan Pienaar (Mason) were great and played their roles to a T. The plot was pretty good, playing equal parts unique story while also displaying some brief elements of being a sequel, though those were mainly a brief reference to Dillon Barrick (played by Brandon Auret) being Willow’s father. There are some elements to this movie that reminded me a little of Waterworld, mainly the whole warlord trying to control all of the oceans for himself and needing a child to maintain that control. The special effects were a lot better than I expected and did a great job helping showcase the story instead of making it all about the special effects. One of the better shark movies to come out of The Asylum in the last few years and one worth watching.

Rating: 4 out of 5

horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

January 1st, 2018 Movie – 5-Headed Shark Attack

5 headed shark attack

Happy New Year everyone. I hope everybody had a fun night with friends and family. As I finally seem to be getting over the bout of Vertigo that hit me at the end of the year, I am finally able to get back to watching and reviewing some movies and, as is usually the case, I find myself starting the year with movies that I bought/received over the Christmas holidays. Back in July during the annual Sharknado week on Syfy, this is one of the movies that I was most interested in watching. The Asylum’s shark movies are always some of my favorites every year so let’s see have some fun with today’s movie, 5-Headed Shark Attack.

The plot: In the waters off of Palomino Island, Puerto Rico, a photographer is taking pictures of some models on his boat while his friend/pilot is fooling around inside with another girl. When one of the girls notices blood in the water, they see a giant, 4-headed shark circling the boat and as everyone stands on the edge of the boat to watch it, the shark suddenly rushes towards the boat before leaping onto the boat to kill them. The San Juan Police Department are called in about the attack and Captain Sterling and Angie Black investigate the boat only to find the photographer’s camera on the blood covered deck, with pictures of the shark on it’s memory card. They take the camera to the local aquarium to see Dr. Angie Yost, a marine biologist working there with her 4 students/assistants (Cait, Lindsay, Ram, and Sean). When the police tell her of the shark attack, Angie is skeptical at first until they show her the picture, which piqued her interest. When aquarium owner Thaddeus Marshall learns that there were multiple sightings of the shark, he tells the police that it has to be some sort of hoax and convinces Angie to go along with his thoughts. Once the police leave, he organizes a trip and blackmails Angie and her assistants to help him find and capture the shark, threatening their jobs if they don’t help him. Angie and her assistants reluctantly agree and they head out to search for the shark but they find no sign of any marine life at first. When the shark appears and begins circling the boat, they can only catch glimpses of it at first until it grabs Sean and drags him into the water and kills him. They head back to port and report what happened to the police, then Angie chastises Thaddeus for his part in getting Sean killed but Thaddeus refuses to back down on his desire to capture the shark and convinces Angie and the others to go along with him. As the police offer a reward for the shark’s death, Angie takes Thaddeus and the others to see Red, an old acquaintance and former partner of hers and enlists him to help them capture the shark. Meanwhile, the shark attacks a fishing boat, sinking it to get to the crew, and then attacks some divers researching a nearby coral reef. When a tour boat sees the shark killing a humpback whale, they radio in the incident and then head back to port with the shark chasing after them. Red hears the mayday over the radio and heads towards the boat with plans to use a spear gun to tag it with a sonar tracker, then argues with Angie when she wants to turn back, saying he can’t let the shark stay out there and keep killing people. The tour boat manages to make it to port and the people get to safety but the shark kills a police officer before heading towards Red’s ship. The shark swims underneath the ship and begins circling it before swimming out of the water to attack it. Red manages to shoot the shark with the tracker but it still manages to grab Lindsay and drag her into the water and kill her. When they get back to the aquarium, Ram yells at Thaddeus, blaming him for Lindsay’s death. Meanwhile, the shark mutates, growing a head out of it’s tail fin, and attacks a surfing competition. Trying to come up with a plan, Angie decides to try and use recorded dolphin sounds to manipulate the shark into a position to where they can kill it. Red and Juan agree with the plan but say they have a limited amount of explosives they can use, overruling Thaddeus plea to try and capture it alive. Red and Juan each pilot a boat out into the bay, with plans to lure it into an inlet so they can kill it. Sterling and Black set up sonar sensors on the outskirts of the inlet so they can keep tabs on the shark while Red and the others head into the inlet and prepare to attack it with depth charges. The shark attacks Sterling’s boat, killing Black when she falls into the water, then cripples Sterling’s boat and causing it to drift. Sterling radios Red about what happened and Red tells him to use the dolphin sounds to lure it to his position. Sterling uses some depth charges to attract the shark’s attention and as it swims towards him, he activates the speakers, causing the shark to head to Red’s position. Red and the others get ready to kill the shark, putting the explosives inside some milk jugs filled with blood to lure the shark into swallowing them but as it swims towards them, it knocks the tracker loose, causing Angie to lose sight of it on her tablet. Red has Cait help Ram with the chum line and keep an eye on the fish finder and they eventually catch sight of it on the sonar circling them. The shark attacks one of the milk jugs and knocks it loose, where it is swallowed by another shark and when it explodes, they think they kill it only to be shocked when the fin reemerges. The shark cripples their boat and they radio Sterling for help, who calls in a helicopter to help them. The shark attacks the boat and knocks Cait into the water and Ram jumps into the water to help her. They manage to swim back to the boat and Thaddeus drives the shark away by throwing a harpoon into it but he gets tangled up in the rope and dragged into the water, where the shark kills him. Red arms Angie, Cait, and Ram and they fire at the shark to try and keep it at bay long enough for them to be rescued. When the helicopter arrives, it starts descending to rescue them but the shark leaps out of the water, grabs the helicopter, and drags it down into the water. When the shark ends up pinned by the helicopter wreckage, they think it might have been killed but it soon gets free and begins circling the boat again. Red has Ram start chumming to lure the shark towards them and he takes to last of his depth charges and attaches them to a large boat hook, then leaps onto the shark when it passes by them. Red stabs the hook into the shark and is carried away from the boat and Angie and the others watch as the shark explodes. Angie, Cait, and Ram fear that Red was killed as well but they soon see him climb back aboard the ship and Angie embraces him as they all laugh at surviving the ordeal.

Normally, if you give me a shark movie from the Asylum, I will love it but unfortunately, this one was a little disappointing. The acting was ok, with Chris Bruno and Nikki Howard doing good jobs in their roles. The story was pretty weak, never really trying to attempt to explain how the shark came to be; just going with the whole “oh look, there is a giant mutant shark somehow swimming in the water here.” The biggest disappointment was the shark design in general. They had a great set-up for how the shark could look at the end of 3-Headed Shark Attack, making it look essentially like a hydra in shark form. They end look for the shark, 4 heads side by side with a 5th head emerging from the tail, honestly looked pretty weak and lazy. The only thing I can figure is that it was easier to make it look this way via special effects but that honestly doesn’t make that much sense. Unfortunately, this might be one of the rare disappointments in the Asylum’s history of shark movies.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

action, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi, The Asylum

December 9th, 2017 Movie – Supercroc


What a fun time yesterday was. It’s not often that we get a nice little snow storm in Atlanta, and wake up to find it is still going on. This just makes it the perfect weather to watch a movie from my favorite company, The Asylum. Now today’s movie is one that I first saw on Syfy years ago while I was doing some random channel surfing. I then ended up buying it on DVD during the Great Blockbuster Binge. So let’s kick back and enjoy today’s movie, Supercroc.

The plot: In the Los Padres National Forest outside of Los Angeles, four soldiers are on an assignment to locate an abject that was detected in the forest. While they are walking through the woods, Pvt. Celia Perez and Pvt. Jackson are discussing their upcoming wedding and how one of them will have to transfer to another unit after they get married. When they reach a lake, the group splits up, with Perez and Jackson heading in one direction while Pvt. Forney and Major Falk head off along the lake shore. Forney is killed by a giant crocodile, with Falk being killed shortly afterwards. Perez and Jackson look for their teammates briefly before they decide to leave when they stumble upon a cluster of large eggs. Perez tries to radio their command on the situation when she hears the mother growling close by and tells Jackson to run. Back at command, General McFadden is arguing with his staff about what is happening while Dr. Leah Perrot tells him to get his men out of there, as they are not able to handle what they are facing. Back in the forest, Jackson is killed by the crocodile but Perez manages to climb a tree and escape as the crocodile passes underneath before heading back into the lake. Perez contacts command to tell them what happened and about the eggs and a helicopter drops off a second team, led by Capt. Joe Lynch, to rescue Perez and recover the bodies of the fallen soldiers. Lynch and his team eventually locate Perez but when he asks her about the bodies, she tells him there aren’t any. Lynch wants to head to the lake to check for himself but before they can leave, they are attacked by the crocodile and Lynch’s men are killed while he and Perez manage to escape. Meanwhile, a team sent in by Perrot arrives at the nest site and proceeds to grab some of the eggs to bring back for study, then destroy the remaining eggs. Meanwhile, Perez and Lynch try to reach the evac helicopter but the crocodile, attracted by the noise, gets there and destroys it. Perez and Lynch try to make their way out of the forest and reach the nest site and discover that it has been destroyed. Back at command, Perrot tells McFadden what she knows about the creature, and they make plans to evacuate the National park before hitting it with an air strike. Perez and Lynch arrive just as the evacuation is leaving and are forced to take cover as the air strike hits the crocodile but it survives the attack and makes it’s way out of the park, going after it’s surviving eggs. Back at Command, Perrot and McFadden go over possibilities to handle the crocodile and keep it out of Los Angeles. Perrot suggest using a chemical attack to kill it, and McFadden reluctantly agrees and orders the outskirts of Los Angeles to be evacuated. The attack strikes the crocodile and seemingly works so Perrot leaves Command and radios her team to prepare to move the eggs. Meanwhile, Perez and Lynch are picked up and flown to Command, where they inform McFadden about the destroyed nest and McFadden realizes Perrot had people go take some of the eggs and orders his men to go to her lab and retrieve them so they can lure the crocodile away from Los Angeles. The crocodile recovers and from the chemical attack and continues towards Los Angeles, killing Perrot as she makes her way towards her lab. McFadden decides to use the eggs as bait to attack the crocodile and Perez and Lynch head out to the trap and build a bomb to attack the crocodile’s underbelly, where it is most vulnerable. They succeed in blowing up the crocodile, and McFadden has the eggs destroyed. Perez and Lynch head out, with them each offering to buy the other a drink, but as they pass by a dumpster, where a hidden egg is starting to hatch.

An early Asylum movie that was honestly a confusing mess of a movie. The acting was ok but nobody really stood out in this movie. The story was actually confusing, with the flipping between what was going on with the crocodile and the Command center not helping clear things up at time. The special effects were actually pretty bad this go around, which is actually to be expected as this was an early movie of theirs and they have since perfected their craft. Not their best movie, which is kind of a disappointment considering the number of their movies that I enjoy.

Rating: 2 out of 5

horror, movie, movie review, The Asylum

October 8th, 2017 Movie – Snakes On A Train

snakes on a train

Trust my good friends at The Asylum to take advantage of an internet buzz saw. Yup, with all the buzz going on about Snakes On A Plane, The Asylum did what they do best and come up with their own mockbuster of the movie. When this first aired on Syfy, I only caught part of it as a lot of thin gs were going on back then. I kept missing it on future airings but I would eventually pick it up at Blockbuster during the Blockbuster binge period. So let’s enjoy some more slithery goodness with today’s movie, Snakes On A Train.

The plot: A man, Brujo, is helping his sick wife Alma cross the US/Mexico border and as they stop for the night, he helps her as she gets sick and vomits up some green slime and a snake, which he places in a glass jar. As Brujotends to her, an American that is helping them cross the border yells at them for starting a fire and says they are heading for El Paso but Brujo says they have to get to Los Angeles. As the two men argue, Alma vomits out another snake, which slithers off into the desert and as Brujo turns to tend to her, the American is bit by the snake and ends up dying. Brujo pays no heed as he helps his wife to a nearby train station, where they wait for a train heading for Los Angeles. When they find one, they try to sneak on board but are stopped by Chico, who tells them to go find another car but eventually takes pity on them and lets them on board. When Juan and Julio argue with Chico for letting them on, another man, Miguel, pays for Brujo and Alma’s fare so they can stay on board. In another part of the train, the conductor is checking everyone’s tickets before the train leaves and just as he is closing the door, he lets one last person, Cooper, on board and the train leaves. As the train makes it’s way towards Los Angeles, Brujo keeps tending to Alma, saying that when they reach Los Angeles, his uncle can remove the Mayan curse that was placed on her. When Chico comes over to ask for some weed, which Brujo is using to keep the snakes from emerging from Alma, and Brujo refuses to acknowledge him, Chico threatens to tell the baggage handler and have them kicked off. He then picks up one of the jars but when he sees it is full of snakes, he drops it and the jar goes rolling along the floor. Brujo attacks Chico, and Juan and Julio when the come to help him, then tries to retrieve the jar but it has already opened and the snakes start to slither free. As Alma tries to collect the snakes, Brujo continues fighting with Juan and Julio, eventually trapping them in a baggage cage. He almost attacks Miguel when he approaches but stops and goes after Chico, and the two continue fighting before Brujo stabs him in the throat and kicks him off the train. In another car, Martin, an electrical engineer, is starting up a conversation with a woman, Klara, when they are interrupted by two men, Dickie and Raz, who are returning to the compartment and Dickie claims to have seen something move past his feet. In the sleeper car, a little girl named Lani goes to brush her teeth but sees a snake in the bathroom and heads back to her car. When she tells her parents, Nancy and Mitch, don’t believe her and Nancy goes with her back to the bathroom and they hear a snake and Nancy decides to return to the car and they go to bed, not noticing the snake crawling into Mitch’s bunk. Back in the baggage car, Brujo has finished placing the snakes back in the jar and explains to Miguel that Alma’s family placed the curse on her because she ran off with Brujo instead of marrying the man they wanted her to marry. In the dining car, two more passengers, Crystal and Summer, are discussing Crystal’s taking money from a guy named Mark in exchange for delivering some drugs to someone in Los Angeles. but as they are talking, a snake slithers by their feet, but they didn’t see what it was. Miguel brings Brujo some food, which Brujo starts to feed to snakes and when Miguel suggest she see a doctor, Brujo tells him that a doctor can’t help her and asks him to try and get some meat from the dining car. Meanwhile, Juan and Julio managed to escape the cage and head into another car, where Juan reveals he stole Brujo’s bag. When Juan opens it to smoke Brujo’s marijuana, the box Julio opens contains a snake, which megins burrowing into his arm. Juan tries to cut the snake out of Julio’s arm but he is attacked by a snake which burrows into his arm. Brujo shows up and rips out Julio’s heart, removing the snake from it, then cuts open Juan’s arm and removes that snake before leaving him to his fate. Crystal and Summer head into a bathroom, where Crystal reveals that she is carrying cocaine, and Summer is upset and says that when they get to L.A., they are calling Mark to pick up the drugs and returning the money only to learn that Crystal already spent some of the money. As the girls head back to the dining car, they find their way blocked by Cooper but he eventually lets them pass when another passenger shows up behind them. As they go to sit down, Juan appears and starts ranting at them in Spanish but he takes off again when a waitress approaches them. As they try to figure out what is going on, Cooper sits down in their booth and after showing them a badge, tells Crystal that they are going to have a talk and warns Summer to stay there till he gets back. Juan makes his way to another car and is detained by the conductor, who calls up to the engineer and tells him to make an emergency stop in Benson, AZ so that they can have the police search the train. Brujo returns to the baggage car and tells Alma and Miguel what happened, then hands Miguel the food he grabbed and the address for his uncle, asking him to take care of Alma and make sure she gets to his uncle while he heads up to keep the train from stopping. Elsewhere, Cooper and Crystal head into an empty car and he starts questioning her about who she was to deliver the drugs too, then tries to force himself on her, telling her to go with it in order to keep out of jail but before he gets too far, he is stopped by another passenger, Barat, who reveals that Cooper is actually a former narcotics agent and the two men leave, telling Crystal not to go anywhere. In the engineer’s compartment, Brujo confronts the engineer and tells him not to stop the train but the engineer tries to attack him and ends up knocking himself out. Brujo keeps the train moving, then sabotages the radio and also rips out a phone in the next car, where Juan has been placed. Meanwhile, some of the other passengers notice snakes crawling in the car and go speak to the conductor, who has noticed what happened to the engineer but as he sits down, he is attacked and killed by a giant snake. The passengers all run with one of them hiding in a bathroom only to be killed by another snake. Meanwhile, Barat takes Cooper into the baggage area and places him in a cell and after taunting him for a bit, shoots him, then turns and points his gun at Miguel and Alma when he hears them but Cooper survived and shoots Barat and as they kill each other, they shoot the jars, releasing the snakes. As more passengers start seeing snakes, Summer hears Crystals screams and manages to save her from the room full of snakes while Nancy and Lani are woken by the screams and Nancy finds that Mitch has been killed and they both end up being killed by snakes. Brujo returns to the baggage car to find the snakes roaming free and begins capturing them and placing them in a bag as he searches for Alma. He eventually finds her in another car, as Miguel tries fending off giant snake and Alma asks Brujo for her snakes and begins swallowing them, as Brujo chants, causing her to transform into a giant snake, and she immediately eats Brujo before busting out of the train. As Martin and Klara work on repairing the radio, the giant snake attacks the train and begins swallowing it. Miguel, Martin, Klara, Crystal, Summer, and Hoover are the only passengers still alive and they all run to the end car and jump out of the train before it is completely swallowed. Outside the train, Miguel uses Alma’s amulet, which he had grabbed before she changed, and begins chanting, summoning a mystic vortex which sucks up the giant snake and makes it disappear. As the others collect themselves, Miguel starts walking towards Los Angeles and the others follow but unknown to them, Crystal has an apparent snake bite on her leg, meaning the nightmare might not be over.

This was an interesting movie to watch but definitely falls on the bad side. The acting was ok, but nobody really stood out in this movie. The story was odd and honestly, a little confusing. I think the mystical aspect of the snake was an interesting idea but I feel like they could have done a better job at explaining some of the details, especially the ending. The special effects were about what you would expect and I did like the use of live snakes in some scenes to add some realism. It’s not the best mockbuster they have done but it is a decent little horror movie to watch.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5