action, comedy, horror, movie, movie review, sci-fi

February 24th, 2019 Movie – Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV

the toxic avenger 4

Now that we have the bad sequels out of the way, let’s move on to the official sequel. Don’t believe me, just ask Stan Lee (R.I.P.). As a matter of fact, he says it himself that the first two sequels were shitty (I don’t know if he was apologizing for the sequels or saying the word “shitty”) and that this was the real sequel. Anyways, I first saw this movie a couple of years ago on Hulu when it was available to stream on there. Needless to say, I loved it much better than the other two sequels, so let’s have some fun with today’s movie, Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV.

The plot: 15 years after Melvin fell into a vat and became The Toxic Avenger, a criminal group called “The Diaper Mafia” enter Tromaville’s School for the Very Special and hold the students and their teacher, Mrs. Weiner, hostage. After killing two of the students, and threatening to kill more unless their demands are met, The Diaper Mafia ask that Bikini Anchor Samantha Chambers be allowed to interview them and when she and her cameraman arrive, their leader, Tex Diaper, begins explaining their reasons for their attack. When Tex goes to attack the pregnant Mrs. Weiner, Samantha Chambers reveals that she is actually Toxie in disguise, while the camerman is Toxie’s sidekick Lardass. As Toxie and Lardass begin fighting with the Diaper Mafia, Tex reveals that his father, Tromaville Police Sgt. Kazinski, had helped supply them with the weapons for their assault, including a bomb. When Toxie kills Tex, the bomb is armed but before he can try to defuse it, Toxie’s alarm goes off and he rushes back to his home to impregnate his wife Sarah. After they have sex, Sarah argues with Toxie about his wanting to rush back to the school instead of staying with her. When Toxie returns to the school, the bomb is about to explode and Lardass attempts to eat it while Toxie tries to save some of the students but the bomb explodes, with Toxie only able to rescue two students, Tito and Sweetie Honey. As Toxie mourns the death of Lardass, the police begin shooting at him and he is forced to run from them. When a car pulls up, Toxie is surprised to see Sgt. Kabukiman driving the car, and Kabukiman keeps calling him Noxie. Back at the school, another Toxic Avenger appears and as the crowd cheers his survival, he rips the arms off of Chief Newman and begins attacking the crowd. As Toxie and Noxie both try to figure out what is going on, a scientist explains that Tromaville has an alternate dimensional duplicate called Amortville, and the explosion somehow caused Toxie (along with Sweetie Honey and Tito) and Noxie to end up in the other dimension. Back in Tromaville, Noxie encounters Sgt. Kazinski, who is happy about “Toxie’s” sudden change of heart and wants to help him, while the mayor assembles a team of super heroes, led by Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. to capture Noxie. Back in Amortville, Toxie rescues Sweetie Honey and Tito from some drug dealers, then takes them back to his home only to discover his shack is not at the junkyard. Toxie tries to find a way back to their home and tells them to stay there, but Tito, who is a self proclaimed rebel, leaves and reluctantly lets Sweetie Honey come with him when she complains about being left alone. After saving the head of a man who had been dragged behind a truck, Toxie encounters Lardass’ doppelganger, a disgraced scientist named Chester. When Chester tells Toxie about how Noxie stole his daughter Claire, causing him to give up his work on interdimensional travel, and shows Toxie a picture of her, Toxie remarks that Claire looks like Sarah and goes to rescue her. Arriving at Noxie’s sex dungeon, Toxie finds Claire and is surprised to see that she can see, but is deaf. After convincing Claire that he is not there to harm her, Toxie tries to take her out of the dungeon but is stopped by Evil Kabukiman. Toxie tells Claire to run while he fights with Evil Kabukiman, with their fight carrying them to the hot dog factory, where Evil Mad Cowboy joins in. As Toxie fights with the two villians, he sees that Tito, Sweetie Honey, and Pompey (the head) have been captured and he works to help them escape after killing Evil Mad Cowboy. Back in Tromaville, Noxie finds Toxie’s shack and ends up sleeping with Sarah when Kazinski shows up and tells him what is going on. Noxie then kills the mayor and takes over Tomaville, killing all of the superheroes that were assigned to deal with him. Kabukiman managed to escape the slaughter and in a drunken stumble, ends up at Toxie’s home and passes out on the tied up Sarah. Later, Sarah learns that she is pregnant with twins but they are from two different fathers and she is told that she should get an abortion or else the two warring fetuses will cause her to explode. Claire heads to a family planning center but the nature of Toxie and Noxie’s sperm causes her pregnancy to accelerate and she ends up going into labor and is rushed to the hospital. Back in Amortville, Chester and Claire find Toxie, Sweetie Honey, Tito, and Pompey at the dump and Chester tells Toxie he will help him get back to his own dimension. After going through his colleague’s notes, he hands Toxie a pair of ruby slippers and Toxie grabs Sweetie Honey but Tito refuses to leave, deciding to stay in Amortville and help the citizens against Evil Kabukiman, with Pompey acting as his sidekick. After traveling into a 70’s porno film and Heaven, Toxie and Sweetie Honey finally make it back to Tromaville, where Kabukiman tells them about what has happened. Toxie heads to the hospital and begins fighting with Kazinski’s police force, confronting and killing Kazinski in the process. Toxie eventually finds Sarah’s room and sees Noxie standing over her and the two men start fighting, with their respective babies fighting inside Sarah’s womb. Toxie manages to defeat Noxie, tearing him apart to revel the Melvin within him but when the evil Melvin attacks him, Toxie throws Melvin out the window, where he lands in a vat of toxic waste and as he becomes engulfed in flames, Melvin runs off and swears he will return. Back in the hospital room, Sarah is handed her newborn baby as Mrs. Weiner and Sweetie Honey show up to hand Toxie some awards. Kabukiman shows up just as a doctor shows up with Sarah’s second baby and Sarah thinks it is the evil baby but when the doctor moves the blanket, it is revealed to look like Kabukiman. An angry Toxie turns to face Kabukiman, who tries to explain he was drunk when it happened before running off while everyone else laughs.

This is about as gross and raunchy of a B-movie that you could hope to find and while I will admit that there are some scenes that can be a bit much, this is a fun movie to watch. The acting was pretty good, with David Mattey doing a good job playing both Toxie and Noxie, while Clyde Lewis did a great job voicing the differing versions. I also liked Paul Kyrmse (Kabukiman) and Joe Fleishaker (Lardass/Chester) but was kind of indifferent to Heidi Sjursen’s portrayal of Sarah/Claire, but I will admit that some of that might be due to the limited time she was on screen. The story was pretty good, especially how they acknowledged the previous sequels but chose not to use anything from them. Well, I say that but there was one little bit of inconsistency that did annoy me. In the opening narration, Stan Lee says that Melvin’s last name is Ferd, from the original movie, but when they are in the hospital, the name on Sarah’s room says Sarah Junko, which was the last name from the previous sequels. I did like the alternate dimension aspect and how they had Noxie have a little tuft of hair on his head. I guess they decided to use that instead of a moustache to indicate he was an evil doppelganger. The special effects did look on the cheap side at times, and I will say that there was a lot more toilet humor than was really necessary, but overall, they had a nice blend of cheesy goodness that you would expect from this sort of movie. A nice, disgusting end to the series and a fun movie to watch.

Rating: 3 out of 5

Standard
action, crime, movie, movie review, thriller

Flashback Review: May 29th, 2014 Movie – The Boondock Saints

the boondock saints

You ever come across a movie that you have never heard of but all of your friends talk about it and reference it, making you feel completely stupid for not being able to follow along? Surprisingly, that happens to me every now and then. I know that might seem odd, given how much I enjoy movies and how many I watch but the truth is, since my preference tends to focus on a somewhat limited genre at times, there are plenty of movies that will slip by me. That is the case for The Boondock Saints, as I obviously didn’t see it when it was in theaters due to it’s limited release, but I also didn’t rent it right away when it came out on DVD. It was several years after it’s release, when several of my friends were talking about it, that I decided to rent it and a few years later when I picked up my copy. Now let’s see just how well this movie has aged.

The plot: In Boston, MA, Connor and Murphy MacManus, twin Irish-American brothers, are attending mass and as the priest goes to give his sermon, they walk up to the front of the church, kneel in front of the cross and kiss the feet of Jesus, then leave, while the priest talks about the death of Kitty Genovese, using it to discuss being a good man. After a rough day at work at the meat packing plant, they head to a local bar to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with some of their friends, including David Della Rocco, a low ranking member of the mafia. As the night winds down, Doc, the bar owner, says that he is being forced to shut the place down just as three members of the Russian syndicate enter the bar to enforce the point. Connor and Murphy try to placate the three men, telling them that it is St. Patrick’s Day and they should all be friends and share a pint but the leader of the Russians shoves Connor back towards the bar. The next day, the police are investigating the deaths of two of the Russians when they are approached by FBI Agent Paul Smecker, who quickly dismisses the lead detective’s theories on what happened and sends him off for coffee instead. Putting in some earbuds so he can listen to classical music, Smecker then proceeds to examine the crime scene and once he is finished, he has some of the officers look for bullets and items that he believes will be found in the area. Learning that a woman is complaining of her ceiling leaking on the 4th floor, Smecker says that they need to look on the 5th floor for the initial crime scene. After checking the apartment of Connor and Murphy, they head back downstairs where an officer says he knows the area and feels that they should check out the nearby bar so Smecker heads over there. Some time later, Connor and Murphy are having their injuries tended too at a Catholic hospital when Doc shows up to ask them what happened and tell them about Smecker coming and asking about them. Connor and Murphy hand him a bag containing the guns from the two Russians and tells him to hide it, then they head to the police station to turn themselves in. At the station, Smecker is chastising the officers for leaking what they know to the press and as Detective Greenly says that the two brothers are miles away, they walk in the door. Smecker takes them into an office and starts asking them what happened and, in another language, Connor and Murphy discuss if they should tell him about the money and guns they lifted but decide against it. The tell him that after the bar fight, where they had lit Chekov’s ass on fire, they had gone home but Chekov and his partner had burst in the door and had Connor handcuff himself to the toilet while they took Murphy out to the alley to kill him. Connor managed to rip the Toilet up off the floor and carried it to the roof, where he dropped it onto Chekov, killing him, while jumping down onto the other man. Murphy checked on Connor, then took the toilet lid and used it to kill the other Russian, then grabbed both of their weapons and money before grabbing Connor and heading to the hospital. After finishing their story, Smecker asks them if they know any other languages, to which the brothers answer in Russian, French, Italian, German, and Spanish. When an officer says the press is wanting a statement, Smecker says that they aren’t being charged and allows them to stay the night in a holding cell so they can try and avoid the press when they leave. Smecker joins the police chief in giving the statement to the press that the MacManus brothers are not being charged and ruling the matter a case of self defense, while Rocco heads inside to give them a change of clothes and their necklaces. That night, Connor and Murphy have a vision from God telling them to help rid the world of evil men so good men may flourish. As they go to leave, Connor notices a page coming in to the pager he lifted from Chekov and he calls the number, where he is told that the “fat man” will be arriving and where to meet. Later, Rocco attends a meeting with Giuseppe “Papa Joe” Yakavetta, his boss in the Mafia and is given an assignment to carry out in order to advance in the ranks. Meanwhile, Connor and Murphy take the money and jewelry they lifted from Chekov and his partner and use it to purchase some more weapons from an Irish arms smuggler. Later that night, Smecker gets a call about a massacre at a hotel suite and he heads over there, finding Detectives Greenly, Duffy, and Dolly waiting for him. After accessing the scene, Smecker says that there were two men responsible for the crime and does his best to figure out how it went down. Earlier that night, Connor and Murphy show up at the hotel and after donning some ski masks to hide their identities, they climb up into the air vents to make their way towards the suite but as they get lost in the vents, they end up fighting until the vent gives way and they collapse into the suite. The pair are tangled up in the rope Connor insisted on bringing and as the dangle upside down, they are able to use the surprise from their entrance to take out all of the men inside, then assassinate the “Fat Man”. As they are going around taking the money from the victims, they hear a knock on the door and when they look through the peep hole, they see Rocco there wearing a busboy uniform. Deciding to have some fun with him, they put the masks back on and open the door, dragging Rocco inside and scaring him. When they asks him where his gun is, he tells them and they see it is a 6-shooter and they realize that Rocco was set up to die since there were 9 men there total. After revealing who they are to Rocco, who is shocked that they were able to do what they did, they all head to Rocco’s place to hide out and as they are cleaning their weapons, Rocco gets drunks and starts ranting about everything, accidentally killing his girlfriend’s cat when he slams his hands on the table and a gun accidentally discharges. The next day, Connor and Murphy try to get Rocco to realize that he was set up to die but he refuses to believe them and heads off to learn the truth himself. Some time later, Rocco’s girlfriend Donna and her friend Rayvie show up and head over to the couch, and a short while later, Rocco bursts into the room, screaming out that they have to go. Connor and Murphy try to get Rocco to explain what happened and he tells them he had gone to a diner to see if his friends had known he was being set up and when they confirmed it, he killed them as well as the diner owner. After yelling at Donna about her cat, Rocco and the MacManus brothers leave and drive around until Rocco tells them to stop at a club where Papa Joe’s lieutenant, Vincenzo Lipazzi, is known to frequent and they make plans to go in that night. When Lipazzi arrives, the three sneak into the central room of the peep show booths, with Rocco holding the girl hostage and forcing her to tell them which booth Lipazzi is in. Connor and Murphy kill Lipazzi but when they realize that there are two more men in booths on the side, the let Rocco kill them. Later, Smecker, Greenly, Dolly, and Duffy are at the crime scene trying to figure out what happened and Smecker realizes that there are two different killers, the professional ones that killed Lipazzi and the reckless one that killed the other two men. When he learns about the diner hit, Smecker gets even more upset as he can’t seem to figure out what is going on but knows that it isn’t over yet. Elsewhere, Papa Joe meets with the former head of the Yakavetta family and tells him that he needs Il Duce to help deal with the situation he is in and the former head warns him that in 20 years, they only used him 3 times because he is so psychotic. Meanwhile, Rocco is telling the MacManus brothers about a cleaner that Papa Joe uses and how he had to drive for him one night as he took out an entire family. Connor and Murphy agree to take him out and they head to the man’s house on a Saturday, when he has a poker game with several Yakavetta men, and proceed to take them all out. As they are leaving, they find Il Duce waiting for them outside and a gunfight ensues, with Murphy being shot in the arm while Rocco has his finger shot off. Il Duce is forced to leave when he runs out of bullets and Connor and Murphy quickly spray down the blood splatter with ammonia, then leave with Rocco. When Smecker arrives at the scene, he is increasingly frustrated that the killers seem to have thought of everything but as he rants and raves, he finds Rocco’s finger and quietly wraps it in a handkerchief and puts it in his pocket. Elsewhere, Connor, Murphy, and Rocco go back to Donna’s place, where they use an iron to staunch the blood from Rocco and Murphy’s wounds, while arguing about who Il Duce was and how he knew where to find them. Meanwhile, Smecker runs the fingerprints on the finger and when he gets the ID, he realizes where he has seen Rocco before and realizes who the two other killers are and decides to get drunk while trying to figure out what he should do. Elsewhere, Connor, Murphy, and Rocco are watching an interview Smecker is giving on TV and Connor and Murphy warn Rocco that he could be trouble as he is a smart man and could figure things out. Connor and Murphy then head to church and while Rocco waits for them, he sees Smecker stumbling drunk out of the bar and follows him into the church, where he sees Smecker go into a confessional booth. Rocco grabs the priest and forces him into the other booth but Connor sees him doing this and heads into the third booth, pulling Rocco’s head through the window and asks him what he is doing. Rocco tells him that Smecker is in there but as they quietly argue over what Rocco had planned to do, they hear Smecker talking to the priest, saying he is torn on what to do and actually sympathizes with the boys and is somewhat on their side, then when he listens to the father, says that he will try to find a way to help them, surprising Connor and Rocco. After Smecker leaves, Connor, Murphy, and Rocco call Smecker and explain what happened at the cleaners house and ask him to find out who the man while they plan on taking out Papa Joe. Smecker goes to see the former head of the Yakavetta family learns about Il Duce and also that Connor and the others are heading into a trap. At Papa Joe’s house, Connor, Murphy, and Rocco have been captured and Papa Joe ends up shooting Rocco, then tells his men to finish off Connor and Murphy but Connor and Murphy manage to escape their cuffs and take out the man that went in to kill them. Meanwhile, Smecker dresses up in drag and manages to fool one of Papa Joe’s men into letting him in, where he kills two guards but when he finds a third guard has his throat slit, he is knocked unconscious by Il Duce. In the basement, Connor and Murphy are saying their family prayer over Rocco’s body but when they hear a noise, they turn and find Il Duce standing behind them, who finishes the family prayer, revealing that he is their father. Three months later, Papa Joe is on trial, where an acquittal is expected to occur. Smecker opens the back door to the court while Greenly knocks on a police van, signaling Il Duce, Connor, and Murphy to enter the court house, bypassing the metal detectors with their weapons. The three men enter the courtroom, telling the guards to disarm and forcing everyone to the front of the court as they give a speech to the masses, warning that they are only there for those who are evil and then proceed to recite the family prayer before executing Papa Joe. That night, Connor asks how far they will go and their father says as far as needed. The next day, a reporter is talking to people on the street to get their opinion of “The Saints”, with public opinion being divided between those who approve of what they are doing and those who think they are no better than the criminals they kill.

The Boondock Saints didn’t meet with high results from the critics, holding a 20% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The critical consensus on the site is, “A juvenile, ugly movie that represents the worst tendencies of directors channeling Tarantino.” While it was considered one of the hottest scripts around, the movie was a box office bomb, only earningĀ  $30,471 off of a $6 million budget. Billy Connolly was so excited to be playing against type in the role of Il Duce, and was having so much fun playing a psychopath, that they had to add the cigar the character constantly smokes in order to hide his constant smile. The poor performance was due to it only getting a severely limited release due to studio politics and fears of it being associated with the Columbine massacre but it would garner a cult following once it hit the video shelves, resulting in $50 million in sells and prompt a sequel to be made 10 years later with a third movie reported to be in the works.

It is violent but this is still a good movie to watch. The acting was really good, with Willem Dafoe (Smecker), Sean Patrick Flanery (Connor) and Norman Reedus (Murphy) doing good jobs in their roles. David Della Rocco was also good as Rocco, though kind of annoying at times, while Billy Connolly really seemed to have fun as Il Duce. The story was interesting, not quite being your typical mobster/revenge movie but putting a rather unique spin on things. I will say that the constant back and forth between the past events of the killings and Smecker’s theories and reenactments got to be a little annoying after a while. The gun fight scenes were not overly graphic for the most part but the constant slow motion with them was a bit overly theatrical and would have been better suited if they had run at normal time more often. Still, this is a lot of fun and one of those movies that is worth watching any time it comes on.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Standard
comedy, movie, movie review

October 19th, 2017 Movie – South Beach Academy

south beach academy

This right here is what you would call an unwanted bonus movie. I say that because I had no intention of buying this movie, it just happened to be the second movie in a double feature disc that I bought. Now I bought this disc because I wanted Rock ‘N’ Roll High School Forever and this was the only way I could get it. I have my ideas on what this movie is about so let’s see if this movie matches them as I watch South Beach Academy.

The plot: Harry Spencer is sneaking onto a yacht to rescue his girlfriend from Johnny Staccato, a minor mob boss. As he confronts Johnny, Harry monologues about how he wound up in this predicament. One week ago, his brother Billy came to town and met a girl named Harley, who he managed to get a date with. Harry teaches volleyball at South Beach Academy, which is owned by his uncle Gene. Gene has placed a bet with Johnny on the volleyball match that is going on and keeps telling Johnny’s muscle, Pigiron, to increase the bet. During the match, Harry sees Shannon McSorely running on the beach and is amazed when she hits an errant volleyball back into the match. Shannon stays to watch the match, which Harry’s team is winning, until all of the bets are in. Johnny’s muscle signals the girls on his team and they immediately start beating Harry’s team, eventually winning the match. Afterwards, Harry goes to talk with Shannon, who tells him he was set up to lose that match and reveals that she used to be on the US volleyball team. Billy shows up and interrupts them but quickly leaves as Harry arranges to meet with Shannon later. As they walk along the pier, she tells them about how she got conned into a scam which resulted in her not being able to compete in the Olympics. Later that night, Billy and Harry go to a bar, where Harley works as a singer, and while Billy goes closer to the stage to watch Harley, Harry sees Shannon and goes to talk with her. The next day, Johnny shows up at the academy to collect his money and offers Gene a rematch, saying if Gene’s team wins, he will forgive his initial bet and give him 2 million dollars, but if Johnny’s team wins, he gets the deed to the academy. Harry tells Gene not to do it, and Gene says he will just pay Johnny the money in the morning but when Johnny continues to taunt Gene, Gene ends up making the bet. As Harry talks with Gene later about the bet, Gene says he knows Shannon used to be an Olympic volleyball player and was hoping Harry could get her and her former teammates to play for his team. Harry reluctantly agrees to talk to Shannon about it and she is angry that he wants to use her like that but finally agrees, as Johnny was the one that ran the scam on her and she wants to get payback. As Harry and Shannon go try to recruit the other members of the team to help, they are attacked on the beach by some of Johnny’s men but are helped out by Shannon’s former teammate Dominique. After meeting the last member of the team and getting her to join, the girls start practicing for the match. The night before the match, Shannon invites Harry to her house for dinner and they start to make out but Shannon stops before it goes too far, wanting to wait till after the match. After Harry leaves, Shannon finds Johnny in her house and when Harry calls Shannon later that night, Johnny ends up talking with Harry and revealing that Shannon has been working with him. The next day, the match commences and Harry’s team tries their best without Shannon but are losing. When Pigiron goes to taunt Gene, Shannon uses that time to try and explain herself to Harry, saying that Johnny had promised the information to free her brother from jail if she went along with his scheme. However, because of her feelings for Harry, she decides to go against Johnny’s wishes and play for Harry’s team. Harry’s team mounts a comeback and starts to win but Pigiron returns and grabs Shannon and takes her away and Harry goes after her, which brings us to the start of the movie. As Johnny brags to Harry about how he has been manipulating Shannon, Shannon manages to kick Johnny in the face and knock him out. Harry and Shannon return to the match and Harry’s team wins. At the celebration party, Harry reveals that he had taped Johnny’s confession which they can use to free Shannon’s brother and Harry and Shannon end up walking along the beach and having sex, as well as Billy and Harley.

Yup, this is exactly what I thought it would be; a cheap, boring T&A movie. There really isn’t much going for this movie. The acting was pretty bland and honestly did nothing to get me interested in the movie. The story was poorly written, and the pacing was kind of a messed, bouncing between the main story and Billy’s constant showing up in a strip club. Harry’s narrating the movie at times was pretty annoying, while Corey Feldman was honestly annoying all the time. His “calling” the volleyball match was absolutely ridiculous. Another thing that was kind of annoying but also funny at times was the random scenes involving a “drill sergeant” who was teaching girls various beach activities throughout the movie. This is the kind of movie that you would expect to watch late at night when you were teenager but not exactly worth watching now.

Rating: 1 out of 5

Standard