action, comedy, horror, sci-fi, The Asylum

January 13th, 2019 Movie – The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time

sharknado 6

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and that includes the phenomenon known as Sharknado. Yes, when it was announced that the latest Sharknado movie would be the end of the series, I will admit that I was pretty sad to hear about it. I mean, ever since the first movie took the world by storm (pun somewhat intended), Every summer I would get a week of brand new shark themed movies to go along with the latest installment in the series. It is going to be very hard to let go of something that awesome. Anyways, after the last movie, and learning that the next installment would be the end, I was curious to see exactly how The Asylum was going to close out this franchise. Let’s see how they did with today’s movie, The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time.

The plot: During the Cretaceous period, a velociraptor is curious about a large, shark fin shaped rock but it quickly runs off when the rock explodes as a jeep drives through it. Inside the jeep, Fin Shepard turns to talk to his adult son Gil but notices that Gil has vanished. Suddenly, a hologram recording of Gil appears and tells Fin that due to the energy involved in time travel, a person can only go back in time once or else they vanish. Telling Fin that the time travel device is built into the pilot wings that Gil threw to Fin, Gil explains that Fin has to go through time and stop all of the past sharknado’s from happening if he wants to prevent the world’s destruction. When the recording ends, Fin goes looking for the bag that contains the cyborg head of his wife April only to see a dinosaur grab it in it’s mouth and run off. Fin drives the jeep after it and finds himself in a stampede, slamming on the brakes before he joins the dinosaurs in going over the cliff into the sea below. As Fin looks down the cliff, a megalodon breaches out of the water, causing Fin to step back from the cliff’s edge. A tyrannosaurus appears and Fin manages to avoid it and when it turns to attack him, the megalodon leaps out of the water and grabs the tyrannosaurus, dragging it into the sea. Fin then turns and faces the dinosaur that grabbed the bad and attempts to get it back when a masked figure suddenly leaps down from a nearby cliff, attacking the dinosaur with knives and forcing it to drop the bag and run off. As Fin grabs the bag, he is shocked to see that the masked figure is Nova, and she if joined by Bryan and a non-cyborg April, who rides in on a pteranodon. Fin is shocked as everybody had supposedly died and they explain that Gil had saved them all before they died and brought them there to help Fin stop the first sharknado. A meteor storm occurs just as the first sharknado appears and the group decide to use the meteors to destroy the sharknado but they aren’t powerful enough. Fin jumps onto the back of a megalodon caught in the vortex and as he forces it to swallow some of the meteors, he spots Gil riding on another shark and calls out to him but Gil disappears through time. Fin jumps back onto the pteranodon and Bryan hits a meteor into the megalodon, causing an explosion that destroys the sharknado. When a time vortex appears, they fly through it, thinking that they are returning to the present day but find themselves in the medieval kingdom of Camelot, and that Bryan has suddenly become a woman. The sorceress Morgana shoots down the pteranodon and attempts to take them prisoner but she is called off by Winter, who escorts them all to the castle, saying their arrival has been foretold. Winter introduces them to Merlin, who tells them that Gil had been studying with them for 10 years and Winter goes to fetch him only to see him sail off into an approaching sharknado. When she reports what happened, Fin and April want to try and save him but Nova tells them if they stop Gil from traveling through time to search for his parents, he won’t grow up and pull the others out of time to help Fin stop the sharknados from occurring. When an alert sounds from the bag containing the cyborg April’s head, everyone is curious about what is in the bag and Nova tries to grab it from Fin, only for the bag to open and the head rolls along the floor and lands at April’s feet. Fin explains to April that it was the only thing left of her when the world is destroyed and April tells Fin she forgives him but decides to hold onto the head. Fin and the others go to stop the sharknado but are stopped by Morgana, who tells them she has a potion that will destroy the sharknado but will use it only if Merlin agrees to remove the spell around Excalibur. Merlin agrees and Morgana uses an arrow to send the potion into the sharknado but instead of destroying it, it causes the sharks to start breathing fire. Fin and the others rush to defend the castle and Fin decides to try and use Excalibur, pulling it from the stone and revealing it to be a chainsaw sword. Fin uses Excalibur’s magic to stop the sharknado, with Morgana being killed in the process, and they then seal themselves into a large cauldron and are fired from a catapult so they can go fast enough to travel through time. They arrive in colonial America, with Bryan returning to being a man again, and they begin to wonder if their attempts to stop the sharknados might do more harm than good but when they see a sharknado approaching the colonial fleet, they decide to stop it before America ceases to exist, only to be captured by colonial soldiers. They are taken to General Washington’s camp and after explaining to Benjamin Franklin that they are there to help save the colonies from the sharknado, they are allowed inside to speak to Washington. Fin and Bryan explain their plan and after Washington allows them to proceed, Fin has the army fire their cannons into the sharknado, timing their attack to coincide with the lightning strikes to cause the cannonballs to become electrified. After destroying the sharknado and sending the British fleet retreating, Fin and the others try to figure out a way to get home but Nova, having encountered her ancestor, rushes off to talk to him. Nova hands her ancestor a note to be passed down to her grandfather but Fin takes it from her ancestor, causing an argument between him and Nova on her desire to change her past and save her grandfather. Fin and Nova rejoin April and Bryan so they can leave but Bryan, due to his being a history teacher, decides to stay behind and ensure America is put on the right path. With Franklin’s help, the three head off to the time vortex, where they end up landing in the Old West, where they come between a stand off between Billy the Kid and the town sheriff. Surprised at the arrival of the carriage, Billy is disarmed by the sheriff and runs off and the sheriff arrests Fin for his role in helping Billy escape. As Fin is taken to jail, April and Nova hide in the carriage and are shocked to see Skye appear. In jail, Fin speaks to another prisoner, who was supposed to be rescued by Billy the Kid, and as the prisoner is taken from his cell to be hung, Fin realizes that the prisoner is a grown up Gil. Nova and Skye break Fin out of jail and Fin explains that they screwed up and Gil is about to be killed and Skye goes to rescue him, just as a sharknado approaches. Fin and Skye rescue Gil, who races off into the vortex, while April and Nova use cyborg April’s head to destroy the sharknado. After a standoff with Billy the Kid, who wants to go to the future, Fin, April, Nova, and Skye get onto a train and use it to travel through the time vortex. They end up on the Santa Monica beach in the 1950’s and as a sharknado approaches the beach, they rush to save the people on the beach only to be shocked when they see Fin’s parents, Gilly Shepard and Raye Martin, working to stop the sharknado. After the adult Gil makes it through the vortex and the sharknado is destroyed, Nova sees the prototype capacitor that Gil had left behind and shows it to Fin. They see the date on it is the date of the first sharknado that hit Santa Monica and realize that that is their next destination and borrow Gil’s Cadillac to make the trup but Nova reprograms the capacitor to take them to 1997 San Francisco so she can try to save her grandfather. Fin tries to talk her out of changing her past but Nova refuses to listen to him and heads off. Nova reaches the charter boat that her grandfather owns and heads on board, with Fin and the others getting on board as well. The group head out into the ocean and as Nova watches her grandfather interact with her younger self, Fin again talks to Nova about what she is planning on doing. Nova argues her reasons for saving him, and after noticing the ripped up note she gave her ancestor framed and mounted on a wall, she rushes to warn the captain, inadvertently causing the boat to crash on some rocks. Realizing that she is the reason her grandfather died, Nova starts to freak out but Fin helps Nova’s grandfather and younger self escape on a raft. Nova attacks some sharks to give them time to escape and ends up falling overboard, with the cyborg April’s head falling with her. As a shark attacks Nova, April tries to save her and ends up getting dragged overboard, where both her and Nova are killed. Realizing that the only way to save them is to keep stopping the sharknados, Skye grabs the capacitor while Fin hooks a shark and the are dragged behind it, allowing them to warp to the future but instead of the year 2013, a malfunction causes them to end up in the year 20013. They find themselves attacked by a robotic flying shark and once Fin kills it, they are captured by an army of April clones. The clones take them to their base, where they are confronted by the repaired cyborg April, who reveals that she had perfected time travel and rescued April to use her DNA for cloning her army. As Fin rushes to April, Skye confronts the cyborg April and ends up encased in carbonite, then tells Fin that she brought him there to be her queen. Fin tries to attack the cyborg April, who tries to stop him by showing him robotic versions of his children Matt and Claudia, as well as a robotic Nova, but Fin continues his attack, killing the replicas. Cyborg April attacks Fin but her attack also disables the stasis chamber that April is in, who leaves the chamber and begins attacking her cyborg doppelganger. The cyborg April easily overpowers the original but as she attempts to kill her, her power strikes the capacitor just as Fin grabs it, sending him back to 2013. Fin lands on the boat owned by Captain Santiago, whose crew has just brought cyborg April’s head back to the surface. When Santiago orders his men to throw it overboard, Fin convinces them not to and the cyborg April is happy to see that Fin came back for her. Santiago goes to kill Fin but as the sharks on the edge of the sharknado begin killing his crew, as well as his traitorous business partner, Fin convinces him to work together to destroy the sharknado. Santiago and Fin use Santiago’s weapons to attack the sharks but Santiago is swept up by the storm and killed. Cyborg April’s head says that her lasers are recharged and they have to destroy the sharknado or else time will unravel but before Fin can aim her at the sharknado, Gil appears. Fin is happy to see his son and embraces him and Gil tells him that he can fix everything but he needs the capacitor. Fin moves to hand it to him but when Gil messes up the Shepard family motto, Fin realizes he is an imposter. Gil is revealed to be the future cyborg April, who tries to get the capacitor from Fin so that he can’t destroy the sharknado. Fin and cyborg April’s head are sucked up into the storm, with cyborg April’s head being swallowed by a shark. Fin and future cyborg April struggle for control of the capacitor and when Fin is knocked away by some debris, future cyborg April laughs as time begins unraveling. Suddenly, the shark with cyborg April’s head appears and destroys future cyborg April, then tells Fin they have one shot; activating her self destruct button in her head which will either destroy the sharknado and restore time or wipe out the universe. Fin kisses the cyborg head, activating the self destruct and April’s head explodes, restoring time. In a sharknado free 2013, an explosion is heard off the coast of Santa Monica and the patron’s of Fin’s bar wonder what it could be. As Nova, Matt, and Fin’s brother-in-law Martin Brody stare out the window, a shark suddenly slams against the glass and Nova feels sorry for it, as she loves sharks now. Fin and April, who is pregnant with Gil, are planning to retire to Kansas and are turning over the bar to Martin, who tries to convince Nova to stay but she is going to college thanks to a loan from Fin. Bryan tells everyone to check out the TV, where the see a political add for Skye, who is running for President. As Gemini enters the bar, and Wilford and May Wexler talk with April about the baby, Claudia hands Fin a letter from The Colonel, which contains his flight wings, in case he doesn’t make it back from space in time for Gil’s birth. Fin offers a last round on him to everyone at the bar and giving a heartfelt speech about how much they all mean to him. Just as he finishes, April’s water breaks and the Shepards, as well as Wilford, May, Nova, and George (a regular bar patron of Fin’s), head out the door to go to the hospital, while a TV weather report has Al Roker telling the audience that there is not a cloud in the sky anywhere in the world so people should go out and enjoy it as there won’t be another like it ever again.

So I had a lot of expectations going into this movie and while it did hit several things that I wanted it to, I was honestly a little disappointed and felt like they could have done more. The movie was the same ridiculous fun that all of the others have been, and all the returning characters did great in their roles. Ian Ziering was great finishing off his role as Fin Shepard, while Tara Reid and Cassandra Scerbo were just as good reprising their roles of April and Nova respectively. I actually think April was written a little better in this movie, as she did more than just scream all the time. I liked that they brought Judah Friedlander (Bryan) and Vivica A. Fox (Skye) back and the interaction with the other characters was pretty good. Some of the cameos were pretty funny, such as Neil deGrasse Tyson playing Merlin and Dee Snider playing a sheriff, but most of the cameos felt a little flat, as if they were running out of ideas on how to make the most of them. I will say that I was kind of glad that they used some archive footage from the first movie to have John Heard’s character George show up at the end. The story was ok but the way they brought up time travel into things actually made the story feel rather disjointed. I did think it was funny how they tried to reference Back To The Future a couple of times during the movie, such as the capacitor looking like the flux capacitor as well as Gil telling Fin he has to be going 88 mph to start the time travel. The special effects were ok for the most part, though there were times where they honestly were a little worse than I was expecting, but that makes these movies that much more fun to watch. So it was a good way to end the series but I still think that they could have done a better job with it.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

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action, adventure, comedy, movie, movie review, superhero

January 29th, 2018 Movie – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

teenage mutant ninja turtles 3

Ok, I honestly don’t remember if this movie actually appeared in theaters or not. I mean, it obviously did, because it had a box office return, but I just don’t remember seeing it. Then again, after the debacle of the last movie, I doubt I would have gone to see this in theaters anyways. However, the fact that I never saw it in theater didn’t make a difference as I would wind up seeing bits and pieces of it on TV over the years before I wound up buying it on DVD. So let’s see how good of a movie it is in it’s entirety as I watch today’s movie, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III.

The plot In 1603 Japan, 4 samurai are chasing after Prince Kenshin and when they corner him in the woods, the samurai demand he come back to the palace. Kenshin refuses and attempts to fight his way free but the samurai disarm him and take him back to the palace, unaware that a young woman was watching them. In the present day, the Turtles are practicing in their lair but after a while, Raphael throws a sai into the radio and questions why they are still training, as the Foot is defeated and nobody knows they are down there. As he storms off to sulk, April shows up with some presents for the guys before she heads off on her vacation. After handing the Turtles their gifts, April starts unwrapping her gift to Splinter, a strange antique Japanese scepter. Back in ancient Japan, Kenshin is scolded by his father, Lord Norinaga, and when Norinaga moves to kill Kenshin for insulting him, he is stopped by the appearance of Walker, a British merchant who has brought more men and weapons to aid Norinaga in his war. Kenshin is dismissed to the temple to reflect and after chasing out the scholars, he sees a scroll, depicting the Turtles, which he calls “Kappa”. He then sees the scepter and reads the inscription printed on it, “Open wide the gates of time”, and the scepter begins to light up. In the present, the scepter April is holding begins to light up and as the Turtles watch, she is enveloped in electricity and disappears, only to be replaced by Kenshin, wearing April’s clothes. Meanwhile, April finds herself in ancient Japan, where she is captured by Norinaga’s guards. April is brought before Norinaga, who believes that she is a witch that spirited Kenshin away. After they destroy April’s walkman, Walker approaches April to serve as a translator and April tries to bluff her way out but Walker sees through it and tells Norinaga she should be killed. Norinaga decides to imprison her instead and while there, another prisoner, Whit, is brought in, who April thinks looks like Casey Jones. In the present, Kenshin faints after seeing Splinter and the Turtles and when he revives, they are able to figure out what happened. The Turtles make plans to go back in time to rescue April, enlisting Casey to help Splinter watch over Kenshin and whoever shows up in their place. When the Turtles use the scepter to travel back in time, they are replaced by Norinaga’s honor guard, not the priests they expected, and Splinter is able to calm the guards and Kenshin down so they don’t start fighting. In the past, the Turtles find themselves in a battle, during which Michelangelo gets separated from the others and is knocked out by Mitsu, the woman who had watched Kenshin being captured, and she has her rebel forces carry him away. The other Turtles head back to Norinaga’s castle, and try to hide when Norinaga summons them. Meanwhile, Walker and Norinaga are discussing whether Norinaga needs Walker’s guns and after Norinaga leaves, Walker sends his assistant Niles to fetch April. Niles and two men head to the prison, encountering Raphael, Leonardo, and Donatello along the way, and the Turtles follow after him and manage to free April. When Norinaga’s guards show up and begin attacking them, April frees Whit, who shows her a way out through a drainage tunnel and they make their escape. April and the Turtles go looking for Michelangelo when they are suddenly attacked by Mitsu and the rebel forces. Whit ends up saving April and when Mitsu attempts to shoot them with an arrow, Raphael throws a sai at her and breaks her bow. Mitsu calls off the attack and when Donatello and Leonardo take off their helmets, Mitsu says they look like the other one, and the Turtles realize she knows where Michelangelo is. Mitsu and her forces lead the Turtles, April, and Whit towards their village where Michelangelo is being kept but they find it under attack by Walker and his men, who are looking for the scepter. Michelangelo is set free and encounters Walker, who approaches him and prepares to shoot him but the Turtles manage to save him and Walker is driven out of the village. When a young boy named Yoshi is trapped in a burning house, Michelangelo risks his life to grab him and Leonardo performs CPR to save his life, causing the villagers to befriend the Turtles. With the scepter missing, the Turtles try to figure out another way to get home, with Donatello having a blacksmith fashion a new scepter. Meanwhile, Raphael starts to bond with Yoshi while Michelangelo develops feelings for Mitsu. At the palace, Walker describes the Turtles to Norinaga, who shows him the scroll with 4 Kappa that resemble the Turtles, and he decides to purchase Walker’s guns and cannons. A spy for Mitsu informs her of this and she tells the Turtles that they will attack the village in the morning. Raphael goes to comfort Yoshi, who doesn’t want Raphael to die so he gives him the scepter, which was hidden under the house. Raphael calls out for the others and when they see the scepter, Raphael realizes that Mitsu made sure to hide it so they would be forced to stay and fight, and Michelangelo questions if it is true but Mitsu leaves without answering. As the Turtles and April prepare to use the scepter to leave, they hear a commotion outside and see that Whit has grabbed Mitsu and is holding a knife to her throat. Whit demands they hand over the scepter, which the Turtles reluctantly do, and then rides off with Mitsu, telling them to being Kenshin to the temple. At the palace, Walker brings Mitsu to face Norinaga, who demands she tell him where Kenshin is but she tells him that he is on a magic journey and only the scepter can bring him back, which Walker now has. Walker has Mitsu placed in the prison as April shows up at the palace and heads towards Walker and Whit, yelling at Whit for betraying them. However, April was meant as a distraction, as the Turtles head up the drainage ditch into the prison and free Mitsu and the other rebels. They then begin fighting with Norinaga’s guards and, after being joined by the rest of the rebels, they are able to capture Norinaga. Suddenly, Walker appears with April as his hostage while his men show up with their guns and the order the rebels to surrender. Walker then tells his men to shoot the Turtles but Leonardo dares him to do it himself so Walker decides to use a cannon but misses when Leonardo ducks into his shell. Walker runs away and the rest of his men are quickly chased off by the rebels. Walker grabs the scepter, and his pet bird, and tries to escape from the Turtles, throwing the scepter away to aid in his escape. Michelangelo manages to catch the scepter while Whit fires a catapult at Walker, knocking him off the castle wall where he falls to his death in the water’s below. Later, April and Donatello are ready to use the scepter to leave but Michelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo are hesitant to leave ancient Japan. April manages to convince Raphael and Leonardo, while Mitsu says that Michelangelo promised to bring Kenshin back. In the present, Kenshin grows impatient and decides to use the scepter to head back to the past, with Splinter managing to convince him to take the honor guard with him. In the past, Michelangelo is saying goodbye to Mitsu and races to join the others but they disappear before he can reach them. In the present, April, Raphael, Leonardo, and Donatello arrive back in the lair and realize that Michelangelo did not make it, while the honor guard that is still there has the scepter and runs off. April and the others give chase but as the guard exits the lair, lightning envelopes him and Michelangelo appears, climbing back down the ladder to the lair. In the past, Kenshin approaches Mitsu just as Norinaga is escorted towards them. Kenshin hands Mitsu the scepter, who gives it to Norinaga, and after he heads into the temple with it, Kenshin approaches Mitsu and kisses her. In the present, Michelangelo is depressed over leaving Mitsu and the past but Splinter and the other Turtles cheer him up.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III met with poor results from the critics, holding a 21% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The critical consensus on the site is, ” It’s a case of one sequel too many for the heroes in a half shell, with a tired time-travel plot gimmick failing to save the franchise from rapidly diminishing returns.” A fourth movie was planned called The Next Mutation where the Turtles would undergo a secondary mutation, as well as a 5th Turtle being introduced, but the movie ended up being scrapped but the idea was used in a live action TV series produced by Saban. The movie was a modest hit at the box office, earning $42.2 million off of a $21 million budget.

The sequels just keep deteriorating in quality every time. This movie was definitely not good and probably would have been better suited as a direct-to-video rather than a theatrical release, regardless on if it did earn a profit. The acting was honestly weak, and even the voice actors just didn’t seem really enthusiastic over being in this movie. The story was boring, trying to revitalize the series some by adding a time travel twist but it just felt lame and kind of fell flat on it’s face. The fight scenes were not that impressive while the suits themselves, due to being created by a different company, looked different, and not necessarily in a good way. They honestly should have quit while they were behind and skipped this movie cause it really isn’t worth watching.

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5

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action, adventure, comedy, movie, movie review, superhero

January 28th, 2018 Movie – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze

teenage mutant ninja turtles 2

As expected of any superhero movie, if the first one is successful, then a sequel is sure to follow. That was definitely the case for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as it seemed like the studio almost immediately got to work on a sequel when they realized how big of a hit the first movie was. When I first saw the trailers for this movie, I remember thinking that it didn’t look as good as the first one, seeming to focus more on the comedy, and making it seem stupider as a result. I didn’t go to see this in theaters but I do remember renting it on video so my little brothers could watch it. So let’s see how today’s movie stands up as I watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze.

The plot: In New York City, a pizza delivery boy name Keno is delivering some pizzas to April O’Neil’s new apartment when he notices some vans with several boxes parked across the street. Heading to the shopping center, he finds 3 guys stealing some stuff and after attracting their attention, uses his martial arts skills to knock them out, only to see several more men show up. Suddenly, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show up and place Keno in a trash can to keep him out of trouble, then proceed to deal with the crooks. When they are finished, they send Keno to call the police and when he gets back, he finds the Turtles gone, as well as the pizzas but the money for them is placed in the bag. April returns to her apartment just as the Turtles come back and asks if they have had any luck finding a new place to live and Raphael suggests they go to their old home but Leonardo says that would not be smart since the Foot knows where that is. As Raphael and Leonardo argue over why that matters, since Raphael believes the Foot isn’t a problem since Shredder is dead, Splinter shows up and says that they must return to the underground. Meanwhile, the remains of the Foot Clan are meeting in the junkyard and Tatsu, expressing his anger over the situation, says he is in charge now but they are all shocked when the Shredder appears. The Shredder tells Tatsu to send his best ninja to follow April, as she will lead them to Splinter and the Turtles, so that he can get his revenge on them. The next day, April is doing a report on TGRI’s (Techno Global Research Institute) efforts in cleaning up a toxic spill and interviews the head scientist, Professor Jordan Perry. At the apartment, Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo are watching the news report and Raphael wants to change the channel but Splinter tells him not to touch the TV, as he stares intently at the screen. After the interview, some of the TGRI workers find some dandelions that have grown to gigantic proportions and go to alert Jordan, who says a canister must have been buried there and leaked, but unknown to them, Freddy, the Foot soldier that is undercover as part of April’s camera crew, finds one of the flowers and takes it to the junkyard to show Shredder. When Shredder sees the flower, he says that whatever caused this might be useful and orders Tatsu to gather his best men and grab Jordan. At April’s apartment, April returns to her apartment and the Turtles tell her that Splinter has been on the roof ever since he saw her report when Splinter comes down and asks that they join him. On the roof, Splinter reveals the broken canister that contained the ooze that transformed them and when he puts the pieces together, they learn that it came from TGRI, and Splinter says they have to find out if there are more canisters, as it could cause great trouble to the city. At TGRI, Jordan is working on getting rid of the remaining canisters of the ooze and as he prepares the last canister for disposal, Tatsu and the Foot show up and grab it and Jordan. The Turtles show up at TGRI and Donatello discovers that all of the canisters have been disposed of except for one. Suddenly, the see Tatsu and the Foot with the canister and they attempt to get it back from them but fail. Returning to April’s apartment, the Turtles decide to go ahead and move out, as they feel April isn’t safe if the Foot are still around and looking for them. Before they leave, Keno shows up with a free pizza and manages to get inside her apartment and discovers the Turtles and Splinter. Splinter explains how they came to be and Keno says that the Foot is recruiting any teenager that knows martial arts. He offers to infiltrate the Foot and find out where the ooze is and Raphael agrees with him but Splinter and the others say it is too dangerous. The Turtles head down into the sewers to find a new place to live but Raphael gets fed up and decides to leave. As the others keep looking for a new home, Michelangelo falls into an abandoned subway tunnel, which they feel will be perfect as their new home. Meanwhile, Shredder has Jordan use the ooze on a wolf and snapping turtle, causing them to mutate into giant creatures. However, the two creatures have the intelligence of infants, imprinting on Shredder as their surrogate mother. Shredder orders Tatsu to destroy them but Jordan appeals to Shredder, saying that they might not be smart but their great strength could be useful to him. The next day, Raphael meets with Keno and has him go try to sign up to be part of the Foot Clan, helping him pass the test to get in. Keno is taken to the Foot’s headquarters in the junkyard and Raphael says they should go tell the others when he sees the Shredder in a nearby building. Not believing what he saw, Raphael goes to take a closer look but they end up being spotted by Tatsu, so Raphael starts fighting the Foot to allow Keno to escape and tell the others, but Raphael ends up getting captured. Keno runs back to April’s apartment, where he meets her outside and tells her about Raphael being captured. The Turtles head to the junkyard to rescue Raphael but end up getting captured, and Shredder reveals himself and has them maneuvered over a bed of sharpened metal scraps. Splinter uses a bow and arrow to free the Turtles from the net, and they begin fighting the Foot to rescue Raphael when Shredder yells out for his new creations, Tokka and Rahzar. The two creatures easily overpower the Turtles and during the fight, Donatello is thrown into the building where Jordan is being held and he manages to rescue him. Michelangelo finds a manhole cover and the Turtles and Jordan manage to get away from Tokka and Rahzar. Afterwards, Shredder decides to send Tokka and Rahzar out into the city and have them begin destroying the area. The next day, April is interviewing Police Chief Sterns and afterwards, she is grabbed by a Foot soldier and dragged into an alley, where Freddy reveals himself and gives her a message for the Turtles. April contacts the Turtles, who bring her to their new home, and explains that Shredder wants them to head to a construction yard to face Tokka and Rahzar or else Shredder will unleash them on Central Park. Realizing they have no choice, the Turtles prepare to head to the construction yard but Jordan stops them, saying he has an idea. Having Keno go pick up some supplies, Jordan fashions an anti-mutagen to use against Tokka and Rahzar but says that they have to eat it. Michelangelo comes up with an idea and the Turtles head to the construction yard, where they find the Foot surrounding the open area. Shredder calls out Tokka and Rahzar but before they start fighting, Michelangelo offers them a pre-fight doughnut. Tokka and Rahzar each eat one but when Tokka grabs a second one, he discovers the frozen anti-mutagen inside it and begins fighting the Turtles. The Turtles are thrown out of the construction yard and into a nearby club, where Vanilla Ice is performing. As the crowd reacts in shock at the fight, Vanilla Ice begins singing about what is going on, calling it the Ninja Rap. Jordan shows up and speaks with Donatello, and realizes that Tokka and Rahzar’s burping is slowing the anti-mutagen’s affect but grabs a fire extinguisher, saying they can use that to introduce more CO2 into their system to speed up the anti-mutagen. The Turtles manage to knock Tokka and Rahzar down, then spray the extinguishers into their mouths, rendering the two unconscious. The Foot shows up and the Turtles easily defeat them, as well as Tatsu, then start dancing and make their way on stage. Shredder appears and holds up the last container of ooze, saying that he will make more mutants to fight the Turtles but Keno shows up and kicks the ooze out of his hand, which Jordan quickly grabs and leaves the club with it.. Shredder grabs a hostage and threatens to douse her with the small vial of ooze that he has but Raphael throws Keno into him, causing Shredder to release his hostage, and Michelangelo uses a keytar, with the speakers turned up, to send Shredder flying out of the club. The Turtles follow after him only to discover that Shredder has drank the ooze, turning him into a Super Shredder. Super Shredder begins to tear down the docks that they are on, sending it crashing down on top of him but the Turtles dive into the water and mange to swim to safety. Later, Splinter is watching the news, where April reads a note from Jordan thanking the Turtles by name. When the Turtles return home, Splinter asks if they were seen and they tell him no, as they practice the art of invisibility, but he holds up a newspaper, with their picture on the front page, and tells them to practice harder, quoting the Ninja Rap song as they start their punishment.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze met with negative results from the critics, holding a 32% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The critical consensus on the site is, “Not only is the movie’s juvenile dialogue unbearable for adults, but the turtles’ dopey and casual attitude towards physical violence makes them poor kids’ role models.” Ernie Reyes Jr. was the fight double for Donatello in the original movie and the producers liked him so much that they wrote the character of Keno into the sequel just so they could have him in it and replace Casey Jones, who they felt was too violent. While it had a bigger budget, the movie was not as successful as it’s predecessor, earning $78.6 million off of a $25 million budget.

This movie is such a disappointment compared to the original one. I did like Paige Turco, who replaced Judith Hoag as April O’Neil, and I loved Ernie Reyes Jr. (Keno), who matched up incredibly well with Raphael in attitude and personality. The story honestly felt a little weak, as if they wanted to try and create Rocksteady and Bebop, the mutated villains from the cartoon, without actually using those characters. The fight scenes with the ninjas was pretty good, and Ernie Reyes Jr. was fantastic in his fight scenes, but the scenes with Tokka and Rahzar were just so slow paced in comparison that it wasn’t even funny. And of course, we have the whole scene in the club and “Ninja Rap”. Pardon my language for a minute but, fuck this movie for giving us that fucking song. Ok, got that out of my system. Anyways, there are some good parts but on the whole, it doesn’t come close to the original.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

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action, adventure, comedy, movie, movie review, superhero

January 27th, 2018 Movie – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

teenage mutant ninja turtles

Cowabunga dudes. Honestly, was there a more popular cartoon in the late 80’s than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know that my younger brothers certainly loved it, and they had the toys to prove it. However, everyone’s favorite quartet of reptilian ninjas got there start in comics before they ever hit the small screen. I honestly never read the comics and only got my introduction through the cartoon but when I heard that a movie was being made, I was excited to see it. So let’s get a dose of Turtle Power with today’s movie, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990).

The plot: In New York City, Channel 3 reporter April O’Neil is doing a news story about the recent rise in criminal activity, and how they seem to be organized into one single gang. As she walks home that night, April is assaulted by a group of punks who try to rob her. Suddenly, a sai goes flying into the street light, plunging the alley into darkness and when the police show up, they find April is unharmed while the punks are tied up. As the cops cut the punks free and take them into custody, April notices the sai on the ground and quickly grabs it, unaware that someone is watching her from the sewers. In the sewers, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello, three humanoid turtles, are celebrating their victory over the punks but the 4th turtle, Raphael, is upset over losing his sai. When they return to their lair, they tell their master, a humanoid rat named Splinter, about their victory and he congratulates them on remaining unseen, as he has been teaching them the art of ninjitsu. Feeling down over the lost sai, Raphael decides to go see a movie and as he leaves the theater, he stops two kids from stealing a purse. The would-be purse snatchers run into the park, where they are confronted by a vigilante named Casey Jones, who begins to attack them with a hockey stick. Raphael stops Casey from seriously injuring them and the two begin fighting briefly before Casey knocks Rapahel into a trash can and runs off. The next day, April’s boss, Charles Pennington, shows up to check on her and as they are talking, he comments about his son Danny’s recent behavior, unaware that Danny is part of the criminal gang and swipes some money from April’s billfold when they aren’t looking. April goes to interview police chief Sterns about the gang and asks about the involvement of a criminal organization known as the Foot Clan, which angers Stern. As April is conducting her interview, a shadowed figure is watching her report and tells his men to go silence her. After leaving the interview, April heads down to the subway, where she is confronted by members of the Foot Clan. April tries to defend herself with the sai but the knock it away and knock her unconscious. Raphael, who was following April, grabs his sai and attacks the Foot Clan, then grabs the unconscious April and carries her down the subway tunnel, unaware that a member of the Foot Clan is following him and learns where their lair is. Inside the lair, Raphael explains to Splinter and the others why he brought April there and when April regains consciousness, she screams out at the sight of Splinter and the Turtles. Splinter tries to calm April down and after she sits down, he explains how they came to be. Splinter tells April how he was the pet rat of a ninja master named Hamato Yoshi and shortly after coming to America, Splinter found himself living in the sewers scavenging for food. One day, he found 4 baby turtles crawling around in a strange, glowing ooze and he scooped them up into a coffee can but the next day, the turtles started growing and becoming more human, as did Splinter. Splinter then decided to train them in ninjitsu, as he had mimicked Yoshi’s movements from his cage over the years, and decided to give them names. Later, the Turtles escort April back to her apartment, where she offers them some frozen pizza for dinner. When the Turtles return to the lair, they find the door broken open and quickly head inside to find that the lair is trashed and Splinter is missing. The Turtles return to April’s apartment and after telling her what happened, she lets them crash there for the night. The next morning, the Turtles are forced to hise when Charles stops by April’s apartment with Danny, having picked him up from the police station for stealing. Charles tries to talk April out of continuing with the story and while they argue, Danny sees Michelangelo in a mirror but when he turns around, Michelangelo is gone. After Charles and Danny leave, Charles starts to lecture Danny about stealing but when they are stopped in traffic, Danny quickly gets out of the car and runs away. That night, at the warehouse that serves as the hangout for the teenage criminal gang, as well as the training center for the Foot Clan, the leader of the Foot Clan, a man known as Shredder, addresses the assembled ninjas and teenagers. After promoting one of the teenagers into the Foot Clan, he tells them to let him know if they see or hear anything about the Turtles and Danny comes forward with information. The next day, April does an interview talking about the Foot Clan, which causes Sterns to call and yell at Charles. The Turtles are watching the interview and afterwards, Leonardo and Raphael argue over what there next move should be. Raphael goes onto the roof to blow off some steam, where he is seen by Casey from a nearby rooftop, when some Foot ninjas appear and begin to attack him. Meanwhile, April returns to the apartment and gives the other Turtles a tour of the antique store that she lives over. When they get back to the apartment, they are shocked to see Raphael come crashing down through the skylight, with several Foot ninjas following after him. The Turtles begin fighting with the Foot, with the floor giving way underneath them and they end up in the antique store. When Tatsu, Shredder’s lieutenant, arrives with more Foot ninjas, the Turtles find themselves becoming overwhelmed but are saved when Casey shows up and begins helping them. During the fight, a fire breaks out and April has Leonardo help her uncover a trap door to the basement garage and the Turtles start making their way out of the store. Casey covers their escape just as the April’s answering machine picks up and he hears Charles calling to tell April that she is fired. The group escape in April’s van and make their way to her family’s old farm. Meanwhile, Shredder questions a captive Splinter about where he and the Turtles came from. After he leaves, Danny approaches Splinter and Splinter starts talking to him, sensing the boys’ uneasiness over what he had caused. At the farm house, Donatello and Casey work on getting an old truck running, as April’s van is no longer working. Leonardo keeps a vigil over Raphael and when he finally regains consciousness, the two make up for the fight they had. With Raphael now awake, the Turtles begin training again so they can fight the Foot and find Splinter and while he is meditating, Leonardo is able to make contact with Splinter. Rushing back to the farm house to tell the others, Leonardo has them head out into the woods and as the meditate around a campfire, they are able to summon an astral projection of Splinter, who congratulates them on achieving this final lesson and tells them that if they work together as a family, then nobody can defeat them. The next morning, the Turtles tell April and Casey that it is time to head back and they make their way back to the city. Heading down to their lair, they find Danny hiding down there, and he tells April that he ran away and not to tell his father. That night, Danny sneaks out of the lair and returns to the Foot hideout but Casey, who was sleeping in the truck due to his claustrophobia, sees him and follows him there. Inside the hideout, Danny approaches Splinter, who comments about Danny’s hiding from his surrogate family and begins telling him about his family. In Japan, Splinter was the pet of Hamato Yoshi, whose only rival in ninjitsu was Oroku Saki. The two competed against each other in everything, especially for the love of a woman named Tang Shen. Not wanting to see them fight over her, Tang Shen decided to run away to America with Yoshi but Oroku Saki followed them and killed both Tang Shen and Yoshi. During the fight, Splinter’s cage was broken and he leapt onto Saki and begin bighting and scratching his face but Saki threw him to the ground and sliced off part of his ear before leaving. Danny asks what happened to Saki and Splinter says he doesn’t know but his mark is on the headband that Danny wears. Danny is confronted by Shredder, who finds a picture that April drew of Leonardo in Danny’s back pocket and realizes that the Turtles are back. Shredder sends the Foot to deal with the Turtles and then tells Tatsu to kill Splinter. Danny hears this and tries to go free Splinter when he is grabbed by Casey, who is disguised as one of the Foot ninjas, and Danny tells him about Splinter and they rush to free him. The unchain Splinter but are confronted by Tatsu, who proceeds to beat up Casey but Casey manages to grab a golf club and uses it to beat Tatsu. Afterwards, the gang of kids want to attack Casey, saying that they are loyal to Shredder, but Splinter says that the Shredder is simply using them and doesn’t really care about them as Casey and Danny help him leave. Meanwhile, the Foot head down to the Turtles lair but the Turtles set a trap and easily defeat the first wave of ninjas. As more ninjas start to show up, the Turtles continue fighting them and eventually manage to beat them all, with the fight making it’s way out of the sewer and onto a rooftop. On the roof, the Turtles are confronted by Shredder, who easily outmatches them, though Leonardo is able to slice his arm during the fight. As the Turtles fight shredder, Casey, Danny, and Splinter show up on the street below, with the gang following behind him, and Casey takes out some of the straggler Foot ninjas. On the roof, the Turtles ask Shredder where Splinter is and he mocks them by saying he is dead, causing Leonardo to rush at him in anger. Shredder easily disarms Leonardo and holds his spear at his throat, telling the others to drop their weapons or else he will kill Leonardo. When they do so, Shredder calls them fools and goes to kill Leonardo but stops when Splinter appears. Splinter calls out Shredder by his real name, Oroku Saki, and Saki takes off his face mask to reveal the scars that Splinter gave him. Saki charges at Splinter, who uses one of Michelangelo’s nunchucks to snare the spear and flip him over the roof. As Shredder is dangling over the roof, he attempts to throw a knife at Splinter but Splinter catches it, causing him to let go of part of the nunchucks. Shredder falls into the dump truck that Casey had moved earlier and Casey pulls the lever activating the compactor, crushing Shredder inside. The police show up and question the gang about what is going on and the leader tells him to check out the warehouse, saying that he will get all his answers there. Meanwhile, Charles shows up with a news crew and Danny races up to him and apologizes for his actions. After making up with Danny, Charles approaches April and convinces her to come back to work, with the offer of a raise and a corner office as incentive. As April gets ready to go on the air, Casey approaches her and they two end up kissing, with the Turtles cheering them on from the rooftop before they start cheering their victory over the Foot.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) met with mixed to negative results from the critics, holding a 40% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The critical consensus on the site is, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is exactly as advertised: one-liners, brawls, and general silliness. Good for the young at heart, irritating for everyone else.” Robin Williams is a fan of the franchise and gave Judith Hoag information on her character through his comic book collection, as the movie went into production while they were finishing working on Cadillac Man. The movie was a box office smash, earning $202 million off of a $13.5 million budget, making it the highest grossing independent film at the time and spawning 2 sequels.

To be honest, this movie didn’t age that well but it is still an entertaining movie to watch. The acting was pretty decent, with Judith Hoag and Elias Koteas doing good jobs as April and Casey. The story was pretty good, following more along the lines with the version of the Turtles from the comics, which had a darker tone than the cartoon, but the studio added some humor into the movie to make it fit more with how the kids viewed the cartoon. The suits the Turtles actually looked pretty good (which isn’t too surprising since they were done by Jim Henson’s workshop) and I also liked the look of Splinter, which made the fact that this was a low budget movie that much more impressive. I also liked the fight choreography, which was pretty good during the scenes with the Foot ninjas, but not as impressive during the fight with Shredder. All told, this is still a fun movie and does bring back some nostalgia when you watch it.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

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