horror, movie, movie review, thriller

June 2nd, 2019 Movie – Trilogy Of Terror

trilogy of terror

So I currently find myself in the position of honestly not having a clue as to what movie I should watch for my blog. I literally spent an hour coming through Netflix, Hulu, Vudu, and other streaming sites just to get an idea. Then, this movie popped into my head, or rather one part of this movie, and I knew that my choice had been made. Now I had honestly never heard of this movie until several years ago, when I saw a clip of this movie on YouTube. That clip, which was from the portion of the movie titled “Amelia” was one of the most crazy, insane things that I had seen in quite a while. Several of my friends had seen this clip as well and asked if I had seen, or owned, the movie and I said that I managed to see the full movie but did not own it, as the DVD is out of print and any copy I found was too expensive to warrant purchasing. Still, I found the movie online so I was able to watch today’s movie, Trilogy Of Terror.

The plot: Trilogy of Terror is made up of three short film segments so I will keep the plots of each segment separated.

Julie – Chad and his friend Eddie are sitting on a picnic table on their college campus talking about the various girls that they see walking by when Chad sees his English teacher, Julie Eldridge, and starts wondering about her. After being distracted by her thigh when she sits on her desk in class, Chad strikes up a conversation with Julie after class in an attempt to ask her out but she turns him down, and Eddie tries to warn him away from messing with a teacher. That night, a friend tries to convince Julie to go out with her but she refuses and gets ready to go to bed, unaware that Chad is outside and watching her undress. The next day, Chad invites Julie to see a movie at the drive-in and she ends up agreeing. While watching the movie, Chad gets her a drink but spikes it before handing it to her and after she falls asleep, he drives her to a motel. After getting a room for the night, Chad takes Julie inside and proceeds to take pictures of her in compromising positions, then redresses her and puts her back in the car Chad take Julie home, telling her that she had fallen asleep during the movie, and he tries to ask her out again but she refuses, saying it was a mistake to go out the first time. The next day, Chad calls Julie and tells her that he is picking her up for a drive, then shows her the photos that he took of her, blackmailing her into staying in a relationship with him. The relationship continues for a month, until Julie tells Chad one night that the game is over. She revels to him that she had manipulated him into becoming interested in her but has grown bored of him, like she has done with the other students she has seduced. Chad starts choking and realizes that Julie had poisoned his drink and after he dies, she takes him back to his apartment and drags him to his darkroom, where she starts a fire and leaves him there. Chad’s death is reported as an accident and Julie takes a newspaper clipping of the death and tapes it to her scrapbook of similar deaths. When someone knocks on her door, she answers it to find Arthur Moore there needing tutoring in English, and she invites him inside, saying they will be good friends.

Millicent And Therese – After the death of her father, Millicent is watching old home movies and writes in her diary about her belief that her sister Therese is evil. When a family friend, Thomas Amman, shows up at the house, Millicent tells him of her suspicions and how Therese had seduced their father and, even though it was ruled an accident, she believes that Therese killed their mother. The next day she contacts her doctor, Dr. Ramsey, and tells him that Therese is becoming more violent and Ramsey agrees to stop by the next day. When Ramsey gets there, Therese is the one that greets him and attempts to seduce him but he leaves, saying he will call Millicent later and Therese yells at him that they don’t need his help, The next day, Millicent sees a little girl crying because Therese broke her doll and Millicent gets the idea to make a voodoo coll so she could use it to kill Therese. Millicent calls Ramsey and tells him she no longer needs his help, as she has a way to deal with Therese, then puts her plan into motion. The next day, Ramsey tries calling the house and when he gets no answer, he heads over there. where he finds Therese lying dead on her bedroom floor, with the voodoo doll next to her, and no sign of Millicent. Ramsey calls the authorities to report the death and when an ambulance shows up to take the body away, he tells reveals that he had been the family physician for years and that Millicent and Therese were actually the same girl, with Millicent being another personality Therese had developed to handle the guilt of seducing their father and killing their mother.

Amelia – Amelia returns to her high-rise apartment carrying a large box and when she gets inside, she opens it to reveal a wooden doll in the form of a misshapen aboriginal warrior with razor sharp teeth. After reading the scroll that comes with the doll, which calls it “He Who Kills” and says not to remove the gold chain from the doll as it keeps the Zuni spirit inside the doll, Amelia calls her mother and ends up getting into an argument about her cancelling their plans and her lifestyle. After finishing her call, Amelia examines the doll for a bit before going to take a bath but as she puts the doll down, she doesn’t notice the chain coming loose and falling off. After her bath, Amelia heads into the kitchen to start cooking dinner and notices that the doll is not on her living room table where she left it. Amelia starts looking around to try and find the doll, finding it’s spear behind the couch, when she hears a noise in the kitchen and when she investigates, she finds the carving knife she was using is missing. Amelia heads back into the living room when the lights suddenly go out and she is attacked by the doll, wielding the knife and slashing at her feet and ankles. Amelia manages to get away and tries calling the police but the doll chases after her. Amelia locks herself in the bathroom, and the doll attempts to stab her from underneath the door, then manages to open the door and renew it’s attack. Amelia wraps the doll in a towel and tries drowning it but it has no effect and it chases her into a closet. When the doll goes after her, Amelia traps it inside a suitcase but the doll uses the knife to cut a hole in the suitcase. When the doll’s head burst free of the hole, Amelia starts stabbing at it with a knife, seemingly killing it but as she goes to check, it leaps out and bites her on the hand. Amelia stumbles into the kitchen, with the creature now biting her neck, and she manages to pull it off her and throws it into the oven, where the doll begins screaming in pain as it burns to ashes. When the screaming stops, Amelia opens the oven to check when something causes her to scream and fall back. Some time later, Amelia calls her mother and apologizes for her her call earlier and invites her over for dinner. After hanging up, Amelia rips the bolts off her front door, then crouches down and starts stabbing the floor with a knife while smiling with razor sharp teeth, revealing that the Zuni spirit has no possessed her.

As far as made for TV movies go this wasn’t too bad but the “Amelia” story simply outshined the other two parts. Karen Black was fantastic in her roles of the central characters of each part., making each character rather unique and not appear like it is the same person over and over in each story. The stories themselves were ok, with “Amelia” being my favorite and honestly fitting the theme of the movie best. The other two stories, “Julie” and “Millicent And Therese”, felt more dramatic than actual terror. I honestly didn’t care for “Millicent and Therese” that much, as I don’t particularly care for using mental illness as an explanation for a horror theme. Honestly, I would have been just happy with the “Amelia” story being longer, as the scenes with Amelia fighting off the doll were fantastic in a ridiculous sort of way. So the movie on a whole is ok but the last 26 minutes with “Amelia” is the crowning part with it.

Rating: 3 out of 5

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January 15th, 2018 Movie – Hawk: Warrior Of The Wheelzone

the legend of the roller blade seven

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is in a few hours when I finish watching today’s movie. I don’t often say I am disappointed with my movie purchases but this series is definitely one I don’t think I would have bought. It’s a bit presumptuous, but this might just cure me of my drunken Amazon spending. Now this was an interesting movie to try and find information about online because there seems to be a slight problem with what this movie is titled. Oh well, might as well get this train wreck over with and watch today’s movie, Hawk: Warrior Of The Wheelzone.

The plot: Well this is going to be an easy enough plot synopsis because THIS MOVIE IS JUST THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN WITH THE SCENES REEDITED IN A DIFFERENT SEQUENCE.

Ok, so this series kind of ended on a high note but there is really nothing redeeming about this movie. There was nothing different about the acting, as it was just as bad as the original movie. The story in this was a little better because instead of jumping around all over the place, it actually had a more linear flow, which made everything easier to follow. Even though they reedited the scenes, they did nothing to improve the sound quality or the fact that they voices didn’t match the mouth movements. So lesson learned, some movies should be avoided at all costs.

Rating: 1/2 out of 5

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January 14th, 2018 Movie – Return Of The Roller Blade Seven

return of the roller blade seven

Why, dear God why, did I think it would be a good idea to buy the trilogy on DVD. I must be an absolute glutton for punishment. Well, yesterday’s movie was about as terrible of a film as I have seen in my entire life. In regards to a sequel, there really is only one question; can it be any worse. Well, I just jinxed myself by saying that because not this will probably be even worse. Oh well, might as well get this headache out of the way and watch today’s movie, Return Of The Roller Blade Seven.

The plot: Father Donaldo is summoned to meet with Saint O’ffender, who proceeds to talk with Donaldo about the difference between following the light and the dark before Donaldo decides to walk away. Donaldo then heads out and ends up meeting with the Desert Marauder, who asks Donaldo to hear his confession as he feels responsible for how the world has turned out. Meanwhile, Hawk is summoned to the Wheelzone by an astral projection of Saint O’ffender, who tries tempting him to the dark side. As Hawk is camping out, he is attacked and seduced by a naked woman, under orders from O’ffender, but he is saved by Stella Speed, who quickly disappears. Elsewhere, Donaldo meets up with the Spirit Guide, while Hawk and Stella find themselves caught up in a brawl between a large group of Wheelzone marauders and ninjas. As O’ffender continues to try and seduce Hawk to turn to the dark side, Hawk goes to see Tarot and get her advise on what to do. O’ffender continues his attempts to seduce Hawk, bringing out several women to try and seduce Hawk into joining him. At one point, O’ffender has the girls start dancing, with Hawk and himself joining in. While they are dancing, Donaldo suddenly appears and joins in on the fun. Donaldo and O’ffender then continue to debate the issue on the issues of the light and the dark. After reminiscing about the times they were both on the dark side, Donaldo says that the world is changing and he decided to change with it, making it his mission to remove evil from the world. When Donaldo says that he wants to try and turn O’ffender from the dark and asks him for a donation to the building of a new institute, O’ffender says he can’t help. When he offers one of his girls as his donation, Donaldo says that he will turn her to a disciple of light, then says that O’ffender should be punished for what he, as well as the Black Knight and Pharoh, have done to Hawk. Hawk eventually shakes off O’ffender’s attempts to get him to join him and goes to find Donaldo, who is being confronted by a strange costumed figure out on the Wheelzone. O’ffender decides to get revenge by killing Stella but Hawk shows up and stops him, then takes O’ffender to the Master of Light Institute. O’ffender says that he has repented and prepares to join the light as Hawk and Stella embrace and kiss.

As completely off the wall and messed up as the original movie was, this movie is almost as bad. However, the only thing this movie did have going for it was that it did kind of follow a somewhat linear plot line; albeit very, VERY loosely. The acting was as bad as the first movie, with most of the same people returning in the same roles. The story was about as basic as you could get; with O’ffender trying to tempt Hawk to join the dark side. I will say that the random, and bizarre, scene break featuring some guy out in the middle of the desert playing a pair of bongos while girls would sometimes dance near him, including, Stella at one point, was exactly that; bizarre. I also thought it was funny that they had kept the running gag of Madison Monk going around looking for Buddy Holly. The editing was almost as bad as the first movie, but luckily, there was not as many fight scenes so it wasn’t necessary to have them show Hawk kicking the same guy 10 times in a row. This is still not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it is SLIGHTLY better than the original, if only by a millimeter.

Rating: 1/2 out of 5

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January 13th, 2018 Movie – The Roller Blade Seven

roller blade seven

Folks, I can honestly say that I honestly don’t know what I am getting into with today’s movie but from everything I have read, I am in for one incredibly messed up ride. See, with all the random movies that I have bought over the years, Amazon tends to recommend all sorts of odd, low budget B-movies for me to buy. Today’s movie is one such movie and when I first saw it recommended, I thought it looked absolutely ridiculous. Of course, for some bizarre reason, this managed to pique my interest and I decided to buy it. Of course, I couldn’t just buy this movie on it’s own, but wound up buying the trilogy pack of all three movies in the series. Was this a good idea? I can’t say but we will soon find out as I watch today’s movie, The Roller Blade Seven.

The plot: In an apocalyptic future, Sister Sparrow Goodman is heading out into the Wheelzone and her mentor, Father Donaldo, hands her a sword to use when she confronts evil. Meanwhile, Saint O’ffender approaches Pharoh, the evil overlord that rules the Wheelzone, and is told to bring him Sparrow, as he needs a new psychic to replace his banished sister Tarot. In the Wheelzone, Sparrow returns to Father Donaldo and tells her of the bad feeling that she has, and her visions of her own death. Donaldo has her meditate in the garden on her visions but as she heads outside, she is abducted by Saint O’ffender and his ninjas. Donaldo contacts Hawk, his most accomplished disciple and Sparrow’s brother, and tells him what happened. Hawk is reluctant to head out to the Wheelzone but Donaldo says when he returns, he will have a new bride but warns him that he will find demons and angels in the Wheelzone that will guide him. As Hawk enters the Wheelzone, he is sees Officer Daryl Skates arresting a man named Madison Monk for traveling without wheels (skates or skateboard) and when she sees Hawk walking through, she stops him briefly before allowing him to continue. Hawk is confronted by a trio of ninjas on roller skates but he quickly dispatches them, then catches up to Saint O’ffender and his crew. Hawk tosses a knife to Sparrow, who catches it in her mouth and uses it to kill one of her captors. Hawk then knocks out another kidnapper and, after cutting the ropes around Sparrow’s hands, hands it to her and they prepare to face off against Saint O’ffender and his men but a man in bull armor skates up behind Hawk and knocks him out, allowing Sparrow to be recaptured and taken away. When Hawk regains consciousness, he seeks out Tarot, who gives him some psychedelic mushrooms and leads him on a drug fueled tour of her place. Meanwhile, Sparrow is taken to see the Black Knight, Pharoh’s top enforcer, who begins the process of turning Sparrow into one of Pharoh’s slaves. Hawk is met by a spirit guide, who begins teaching him how to skate on rollerblades and along the way, he encounters a female kabuki mime armed with wiffleball bats, who helps him learn how to fight while on skates. The pair soon find themselves surrounded by a group of bandits, who begin fighting the two, as well as themselves, and Hawk and the mime manage to get away as the fight continues, while a man wrapped entirely in bandages plays a banjo. Meanwhile, the Pharoh, who is confined to a wheelchair due to a skateboarding accident, is discussing why he created the Wheelzone with his aide. Hawk and Kabuki encounter Stella Speed, a pacifist who has a sword but refuses to use it, and she agrees to join them in heading to rescue Sparrow. After a while, the trio encounter some of Pharoh’s men trying to abduct another slave. As they face off with Pharoh’s men, Fuzaki Ninja, the man in the bull armor, arrives and challenges them but Hawk is able to knock him out. As Hawk and the other’s leave, the Pharoh’s aide shows up and helps Fuzaki Ninja up before guiding him away. As Hawk and his friends continue on their journey, they encounter the bandaged banjo player, who circles around them while playing his banjo. Suddenly, a ninja skates up and kills the banjo player and knocks out Kabuki before skating away. Hawk chases after him, and eventually kills him while Stella skates off in the other direction. She is soon chased by a ninja, who corners her but when she refuses to draw her sword at the cost of her own life, he decides to spare her. Later, Hawk tries teaching Stella how to fight with a sword and the are soon joined by Kabuki, who is excited to see her friends again. The Spirit Guide takes them to where Pharoh is and the start to confront him but they find themselves caught in an ambush. Kabuki is killed by one of Pharoh’s men and as the Spirit Guide prays over her body, she is magically captured by the Black Knight, who attempts to force her to join him and the Pharoh, while, Stella is captured and tortured in one of the Pharoh’s prison cells Pharoh, who plans on marrying Sparrow, has Hawk brought before him so he can gloat before having Hawk join Stella and sending Fuzaki and his men to kill them. As they prepare to meet their end, Donaldo, along with the Spirit Guide, are able to cast a spell and knock Fuzaki and his men unconsciousness, allowing them to escape. Later, Donaldo oversees the marriage of Hawk and Stella and then gives them the sacred samurai sword of the Master of Light Institiute before Hawk and Stella hop onto Hawk’s Harley and ride off. Unknown to them, a brainwashed Sparrow and the Desert Marauder are hiding in a car and after Hawk and Stella speed away, they follow them and Sparrow shoots the bike, causing them to wreck, then kills Stella, leaving Hawk alive to chase after them.

There are absolutely no words to describe what I just watched. I’m serious. This was the most convoluted mess of a nonsensical movie I have watched in years. The acting wasn’t the worst I have ever seen but it was definitely bad. The thing that made it worse, and I honestly don’t know if it is just my copy or if this is how the movie really is, but the dialogue was completely out of sync with the actors’ mouths, and I mean worse than old school Japanese dubbing (and in case you didn’t know, that is really bad). The plot was nothing more than a series of ideas that seemed to be held together by silly string, meaning it easily fell apart at the merest touch. The worst part about it was you really had no clue who some of the people are, mainly Stella and Sparrow. For instance, at the end of the movie it seemed like Hawk married Stella but the person pointing the gun to attack them looked just like Stella, making you wonder who he actually married. Another thing that will drive you absolutely mad is the fact that they repeatedly reuse scenes throughout the movie. For a 90 minute movie, It felt like over half of it was simply the same scenes being replayed repeatedly, at times several times in a row at times. Realistically, it was probably less than 30 minutes of reuses footage but that is still way to much. This isn’t one of those “so bad, it’s good” movies, this is one of those movies you watch in order to prove that no matter how bad you feel a movie might be, there is always something worse out there.

Rating: 0 out of 5

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