Sometimes, I hate getting older and growing up. The main reason for this thought is that there are times where the things I enjoyed as a kid are no longer as enjoyable. That is becoming more apparent as I watch these movies. For some reason, I just don’t feel the same about these movies as I used to and it is making it harder to watch these than it really should. Gah. I freaking hate that something I enjoy is no longer fun. So let’s go ahead and get through these movies as fast as possible, continuing with today’s movie, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach.
The plot: Late one night, Captain Harris and Lt. Proctor break into Commissioner Hurst’s office to go through his files. Finding the file on Commandant Lassard, Harris learns that Lassard had already passed the stat mandated age of retirement and he leaves with the file, planning on leaving it with the personnel office. The next day, Lassard is conducting the graduation ceremony for the latest class of police cadets, among them is Thomas “House” Conklin. After Lassard sits down, Hurst gets up to the podium and announces that Lassard will be honored as “Police Officer of the Decade” at the Police Convention in Miami that year. He then says it is his sad news to report that Commandant Lassard will be retiring this year. Lassard is shocked by the news and walks in a daze back to his office, passing a smug Harris along the way. Inside his office, Hightower, Jones, Callahan, Hooks, Tackleberry, and House try to cheer up Lassard and he quits feeling sorry for himself and decides to go to Miami and accept his award with honor, inviting them all to join him there. Meanwhile, Harris is trying to suck up to Hurst in order to get the Commandant job and Hurst tells him that he might be the one to get it but points out that unlike Lassard, who has the respect of his men, nobody has any respect for Harris. When he leaves, Harris admits that he is right then has Proctor book them tickets to Miami. Proctor mistakenly dials Lassard’s office and when Jones answers the phone, Proctor begins trying to order tickets so Jones, disguising his voice, puts him on hold while Hightower books a flight under Budget Rent-A-Plane. That night, three men (Tony, Mouse, and Sugar) break into the city museum and steal a collection of priceless diamonds that were on display. At the airport the next day, Harris gloats when he learns that he and Proctor are the only passengers on a private plane but it turns out to be a cargo plane with live animals roaming around the cabin. Meanwhile, Tony, Mouse, and Sugar arrive at the airport, where they constantly run into Lassard and accidents happen to the leader. When they land in Miami, the crooks see Lassard heading towards the escalator and wait for him to go down before they start moving towards it but when the leader slips on one of Lassard’s golf balls, the bag he is carrying goes flying and lands next to Lassard’s bag when he sets it down, and Lassard unknowingly grabs the wrong bag. Lassard is greeted by Miami’s Mayor and Police Commissioner and Lassard introduces them to his group. Suddenly, Lassard’s nephew Nick, who is a police officer, rushes by and arrests a disguised pickpocket before he gives his uncle a hug. Meanwhile, Tony take the bag they are carrying to a yacht where their boss, Mr. Dempsey, is waiting for them but when he opens the bag, he finds Lassard’s goldfish inside. The head thief realizes that he must have gotten his bag switched with Lassard and Mr. Dempsey tells him he has 24 hours to bring him the diamonds. At the hotel, Nick is showing Hightower and the others around when he stops at the pool and tries to hit on a woman named Kate. Kate ends up throwing him in the pool but afterwards, Nick apologizes and they shake hands. Later, the group is at the beach having fun when Nick runs across Harris, who yells at him for blocking his sun, so Nick borrows Kate’s sunblock and proceeds to write “Dork” on Harris’ chest while he is asleep. The next day, as the convention is underway, Lassard is trying to get Commissioner Murdock to tell him what the police procedure demonstration is but Murdock refuses to tell him. Meanwhile, Tony, Mouse and Sugar are joined by three others and they split up to try and find Lassard when Tony sees him walking into a hotel. Tony, Mouse and Sugar head inside, intending to grab Lassard but when they enter the conference room, they see it is full of cops and quickly leave. Up in his hotel room, Lassard takes his bag out on the deck and opens it to grab his goldfish but instead, finds a gift-wrapped package containing a video camera. Sugar, disguised as a hotel employee, enters his room and switches the bags while Lassard is trying out the camera, then quickly leaves the room, while Lassard returns to the bag and happily pulls out his goldfish. Sugar returns to the car with the bag but when Tony realizes the camera isn’t there, he sends Mouse to go get it but Lassard unknowingly knocks him out with a golf ball. As the demonstrations take place, Nick sees Kate teaching a martial arts class and realizes that she is a police officer. As Kate and Jones spar, Kate sees Sugar trying to cut the camera strap from Lassard with a knife and she and Jones quickly subdue him and Sugar crawls away. After repeated failures Tony is getting frustrated and comes up with a plan to have one of his men, Julio, drug Lassard so that he makes it look like he faints, and then Mouse and Sugar can catch him and, in the interest of helping him, take the camera. However, as Julio goes to drug Lassard as he is posing for a photo, but Harris attempts to get in the shot and ends up being drugged by mistake. Upset, Tony approaches Lassard and grabs the camera but as they struggle for it, the camera breaks and the diamonds, which were hidden inside, go flying. Tony grabs his gun and holds Lassard hostage while he has Mouse and Sugar pick up the diamonds and they all head for the elevator. Tony prepares to head for the lobby but Lassard, believing that the kidnapping is the Police Procedure Demonstration, convinces them to head up to his penthouse suite as it is more defensible. Tony calls down to give his demands, with Lassard helping him plan his getaway, and Harris, having recovered from the drugs, plans the assault on the crooks. Nick leads the group upstairs and they take out Julio and two other crooks but don’t see Lassard, Tony, Mouse, or Sugar. When the helicopter shows up an hour early, they realize that Harris is trying to get all of the glory himself. On the roof, Harris and Proctor manage to get the drop on Tony and the others but when Proctor causes them to fall off their vantage point, Tony grabs Harris as a second hostage and they fly off in the helicopter. Reaching the boat at the harbor, Tony has Sugar pilot it to meet with Mr. Dempsey’s yacht and he shows Mr. Dempsey the diamonds. When Mr. Dempsey says to kill Harris and Lassard, Tony tries to plead for Lassard’s life but Dempsey tells him not to leave any witnesses. As Tony goes to shoot Lassard, Nick, Kate, Callahan, and Hooks show up on airboats, while Tackleberry uses a motorcycle and they start attacking the crooks. Tony grabs Lassard and uses one of the airboats to escape and Nick, Kate, and Tackleberry grab the other two and chase after him, with Tackleberry grabbing Jones on the way. As Hightower and House show up to help with the crooks on the boat, Harris tries to assume command but Proctor accidentally knocks him into the water. The others start to laugh when they see an alligator approaching Harris and Hightower jumps into the water and saves him. Meanwhile, Nick and the others manage to catch up to Tony and Lassard and as Tony tries to bargain his way out, Nick convinces Lassard that this isn’t a demonstration, Lassard knocks out Tony and retrieves the diamonds. At an awards ceremony back at the acadmey, Hightower, Jones, Callahan, Hooks, Tackleberry, House, along with Nick and Kate are given medals of honor, while Hightower, for his saving Harris’ life, is promoted to Lieutenant. As Lassard takes a seat, Hurst announces that the Governor and he had agreed that Lassard can continue teaching at the academy until he chooses to retire himself. Harris, in shock at the news, goes to sit down and Proctor kicks a seat towards him but the seat keeps sliding along the stage and Harris ends up falling into the large drum as the marching band proceeds to march away from the stage.
Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach was panned by the critics, holding a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. While there isn’t a critical consensus on the site, the majority of the critics felt that the premise and jokes was becoming stale and even the new location couldn’t save it. After the 4th movie, Steve Guttenberg turned down his role in all future sequels but in recent interviews, expressed some regrets in that decision and has been one of the people to try and get a reboot going. Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach faced some stiff competition in the theaters and while it did debut at #1, it only made a little over $19.5 million at the box office.
Yeh, this series pretty much jumped the shark, or in this instance, scared the shark away with a gun. This wasn’t a bad movie but it definitely didn’t age well. The acting was ok, with all of the returning cast doing a good job. I also liked Janet Jones (Kate), Rene Auberjonois (Tony) as well as Archie Hahn (Mouse) and Jerry Lazarus (Sugar), who made for some great bumbling sidekicks, but I thought that Matt McCoy (Nick) tried to play himself off as too cute, making it seem like he was being a poor man’s version of Mahoney. The story was good, and I thought it was hilarious that Lassard constantly thought the demonstration was a kidnapping and kept helping the thieves with their getaway, but while there has always been an element of sexism in these movies, they went a little overboard with this one, like when Callahan, Hooks, and Kate were wearing maid uniforms with short skirts when they went to rescue Lassard in the penthouse. While most of the comedy was situational or an occasional play on words, some of the gags used just seemed cheap. While I don’t think it was as bad as it’s predecessor, this is still not worth watching outside of a nostalgic kick.
Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5