Finishing up the letter “P” with a couple of movies featuring everyone’s favorite slithery killer. It’s been a while since I have watched a killer snake movie so I am pretty excited for this one. I remember seeing this in the video store years ago and immediately renting it, mainly because it had Robert Englund starring in it but also because it was a giant killer snake movie. So of course, I would eventually go on to which brings us to today’s movie, Python.
The plot: A military transport plane is flying through a storm when the cargo it is carrying starts moving. As one of the soldiers checks on it, he is surprised when a giant tail bursts out of the crate, and tears a hole in the side of the plane. As the pilot calls out to find out what is going on, he hears the soldier being killed over the radio just before something happens to cause the plane to crash in some mountains. Two women, Roberta and Lisa, are camping in the mountains when they get in an argument about Lisa calling out a guys name as Roberta is giving her oral sex, as well as Lisa bringing her pet python with her. When Roberta leaves the tent to use the restroom, she finds carvings that indicate Lisa had been up there with previous lovers when she is attacked and killed, followed shortly by Lisa. In the small town of Ruby, John Cooper is riding his bike through the town on his bike when he runs into Greg Larsen, a local deputy, who warns him to be careful riding around the town. Arriving at work at his family’s metal plating plant, John argues with his brother Brian about whether they should keep the plant open, as the fumes killed their dad and are damaging the minds of his other employees, Lenny and Boone. When his shift is over, John is picked up by his friend Tommy and they head to the lake where their girlfriends, Kristin and Theresa, are waiting for them. John and Kristin talk for a minute and Kristin thanks him for helping her break off her engagement with Greg when she screams as she sees a python in the grass close by. John picks it up and both he and Greg recognize it as Lisa’s snake, just as Greg appears. Greg tells them Lisa didn’t come home last night and he and the rest of the Sheriff’s Department were looking for her and when he gets a call that the other deputy found something, he takes the snake with him as he leaves. The sheriff and the coroner are examining the body of Lisa, which has been badly burned by acid and when Greg gets there, he tells them that he found John with Lisa’s snake and that since he used to date Lisa and works with acid at his brother’s plant, he was worth questioning. The sheriff isn’t completely sure, as he knows Lisa was with Roberta last night and she hasn’t been seen either but agrees to let Greg question John. Tommy is giving John a ride back to town when they run into Tommy’s boss, famed real estate agent Kenny the Closer, and Tommy remembers leaving a camera at on of the properties and John says he will grab it for him. John heads back to the plant and finds Greg and Deputy Lewis there talking to Brian, and then they question him about Lisa’s disappearance but John says he was with Kristin last night. Kenny is showing a house to a woman named Francesca Garibaldi when they hear something in the garage. Kenny goes to check it out and finds his car damaged and the remains of Roberta before he is attacked by a giant python. Francesca hears his screams and calls the police, then goes to see what is going on and ends up being decapitated by the snake. John shows up to get the camera from the property and sees the snake leaving the garage and runs only to run into Greg and Lewis. Since John was at the scene of another body killed with acid, they close down the plating plant, causing further friction between John and Brian. As John leaves the plant, he wrecks his bike when Greg pulls out in front of him and the two end up fighting in the park, where they resolve the issues between them. When the body of Kenny is discovered, Lewis rushes to arrest John and Greg follows him while Sheriff Wade ends up talking with some members of an NSA team. When Lewis arrests John, Kristin slaps Greg and believes he is abusing his authority because she left him but Greg tells her that he believes John is innocent and is going to prove it. Lewis questions John but Sheriff Wade arrives and tells him to let John go, then they head out to cordon off an area where the NSA plan on hunting the snake. The NSA set up base camp at a water treatment center and their leader, Bart Parker, questions Dr. Anton Rudolph, a herpetologist, about the snake. Spotting it’s image via satellite, the NSA team heads out to kill the snake but end up shooting at it’s shedded skin. The python suddenly appears and decimates the team but spares Anton, who thinks it is because of the baby python he has in his pocket. The next morning, Theresa is taking a shower when the snake breaks into her house and attempts to attack her. She manages to get away but the snake kills Tommy as he went to help her. Lisa grabs Tommy’s keys and drives off in his truck but the snake catches up to her and tears out the truck’s rear axle, forcing her to hide in a crevice. Kristin and John go looking for Tommy and Theresa and find the wrecked truck but attract the python’s attention and are forced to escape using the bikes on the back of the truck. They find the water treatment center with Anton hiding inside and are joined by Theresa shortly afterwards. After hearing about what happened to the NSA team, John and Kristin realize that the snake will head to town and decide to try and kill it themselves. Meanwhile, Greg goes to check on Lewis when he doesn’t report in and discovers blood all over his car and no sign of him. As he goes to call it in the Wade, he hears Kristin on the radio, who asks for his help. Theresa and Anton rig explosives around the center while John climbs up an access hatch and rigs a harness and rope to a winch. When the python appears, John lowers himself back down the hatch, luring the snake into the building after him. John heads towards a second hatch, where Kristin had dropped a harness and lowered a rope and, with Greg’s help, pull John to safety. Anton hands the remote to Theresa to detonate the explosives but when nothing happens, Anton believes the python ripped out the antenna leads for the explosives and heads back inside to reset them. Inside, Anton manages to reset the leads but when the python appears, he sets them off himself to try and kill the snake. When the snake survives the explosion, John and the others race to the plating plant to get Brian’s help, thinking that they will use acid to try and kill the snake. Acting as bait again, John manages to lure the snake towards the acid vats and Kristin uses a winch to force it’s body in the tank, causing the snake’s stomach to rupture and disembowel itself. 6 months later, the plating plant has been turned into a bike shop/bar, Greg has been accepted into Quantico to train as an FBI agent, and Kristin tells John that she is pregnant and he happily embraces her.
This is such a fun movie to watch because of how incredibly cheesy it is. The acting was ok, but the fun aspect of it was not just Robert Englund’s performance as Anton, but also William Zabka (Greg), of Karate Kid fame, and Wil Weaton (Tommy), who looked pretty weird with the purple hair. The plot was pretty basic and didn’t exactly offer any real surprises to it. The special effects were not the greatest, which is to be expected for a made for TV movie, but they still made for some funny moments in the movie. A silly, fun movie that is good for some laughs.
Rating: 3 out of 5