“What the hell is Mr. Miyagi doing in this movie?” That was pretty much my line of thought the first time I saw this movie. But I guess every actor makes one of those “paycheck pictures” every now and then. Still, for him to be in one of these movies is kind of a shock. Of course, seeing Erik Estrada in this one as well (but as a good guy this time) was also a bit shocking. Still, all it did was make me more interested in watching this movie, which is probably what Andy Sidaris wanted. So let’s just get right into today’s movie, Do Or Die (1991).
The plot: While attending a charity luau in Molokai, Donna and Nicole meet Kane, an oriental crime lord, who tells them that he has hired six teams of assassins to try and kill the two agents for interfering with his operations. Returning to their house, the girls call Lucas, who tells them to go to Las Vegas and they will figure out their next step there. The next day, Donna and Nicole are heading to their plane when they are attacked by two men in a helicopter. Nicole manages to kill the men using a miniature bazooka hidden in a cane and the two agents get to their plane and fly to Honolulu to catch a flight to Las Vegas. Meanwhile, Lucas contacts Bruce Christian and Col. Richard “Rico” Estevez and has them fly to Las Vegas to meet the girls. In Las Vegas, Donna and Nicole get in their rental car and head to meet their contact, Norman, at a model airplane show, unaware that a pair of assassins are waiting for them there. After receiving an armed model helicopter from Norman, the girls head towards a waiting plane in Henderson, but the assassins follow them into the desert and begin shooting at them. Bruce and Rico show up and manage to kill the assassins, but their dune buggy gets damaged and Donna and Nicole, not knowing who it was that helped them, drive off when they hear approaching sirens. Donna and Nicole reach Henderson and are loading their gear into the plane when Bruce and Rico show up and they board the plane and fly off to Louisiana, contacting Lucas on the way, who tells them where to meet and says he is assembling the rest of the team to meet them there. Arriving in Louisiana, Donna, Nicole, Bruce, and Rico split up and head to Big Pines Lodge, where two of the assassins are disguised as cooks and attempt to kill them by poisoning their meal. Nicole feeds some of her food to a cat and when she notices it dying, she warns the others and they chase after the killers, with an arriving Lucas, Edy, Shane, and new agent Atlanta Lee joining them. Using their Ultralight, Donna and Nicole are able to spot the killers and use a grenade to destroy the boat they are attempting to escape in and the two killers are captured. Afterwards, the eight agents are discussing the recent events and wonder if Kane has someone inside the Agency helping him locate Donna and Nicole. Lucas decides to cut off contact with Washington and goes to a location that only the eight people there will know about. The next day, Rico is on watch and notices a pair of men on dirt bikes head towards a nearby dock to begin fishing but doesn’t think too much of it. However, the two men are the next pair of assassins and while the four female agents are relaxing in the hot tub, the killers take a shot at Donna and miss. As the killers try to escape, Bruce and Rico give chase and manage to kill the two assassins. Lucas decides to take Edy, Shane, and Atlanta to grab a weapon stash and Donna gives Edy her watch to wear, not knowing that the watch contains the tracking beacon the assassins were using to find them. Not able to make it back to the house before dark, they decide to head back in the morning, but find themselves being attacked by the fifth team of assassins. Lucas and Edy kill the assassins and the meet back up with the others and decide to head to Lucas’ house in Dallas to figure out their next move. While arguing about how Kane keeps finding them, Edy is using the microwave when the watch she is wearing suddenly heats up. Removing it, they find the tracking beacon hidden on it and realize how Kane kept finding them. Suddenly, Lucas’ phone rings and when he answers it, Kane is on the other line and challenges the two girls to face his men in hand to hand combat but Lucas hangs up on him. Later that night, Donna and Nicole notice the line is still open and talk to Kane, who tells them where to meet his men for the final fight. Donna and Nicole head to the location, and face off against the last pair of killers and manage to knock them down before making a run for it. The two men track the girls to a abandoned shed but when they enter it, they only find a pair of dummies and Donna’s watch, which Donna and Nicole used to lure the two killers there. Meanwhile, Donna and Nicole meet up with Rico, who is piloting the model helicopter, and they use the model’s rockets to kill the final pair of assassins. Back at Lucas’ house, Lucas tells them that they were able to trace Kane’s signal back to his headquarters and they were able to turn Kane’s companion, Silk, to their side. At Kane’s headquarters, Silk receives a microchip that can be used to track Kane and places it on a crystal pendant that she places around his neck, allowing the Agency to keep tabs on him wherever he goes.
This was just as funny and ridiculous as I remember it being. The acting was pretty good in this movie. I still don’t know how I feel about Pat Morita being a bad guy but he wasn’t bad in this role. The plot was good and kept some pretty good pacing throughout the movie, only slowing down briefly between the various assassination attempts. If you love watching dummies getting blown up then you will love the special effects in this movie because there are quite a few explosions. Honestly, I think those are some of my favorite parts of this movie, that and the running gag that the Abilene family can’t hit a moving target. Not a good movie per se, but a very entertaining one to watch.
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5