Sharktoplushie here. Now I know what you are thinking but this really isn’t Joey’s fault. Well…technically it is but honestly, the only reason he is backtracking today is because he pre-ordered this movie last month. It’s not his fault that it got delivered today. Oh who am I kidding. Of course it’s Joey’s fault because he ordered the movie in the first place. I told him that nobody was going to believe that lie but he begged me to do it. Sheesh. Anyways, today’s movie was one of the new movies to premier on Syfy during their annual Sharknado week. The sequel to 2012’s 2-Headed Shark Attack, I give you today’s movie, 3-Headed Shark Attack.
The plot: Maggie Peterson is a new intern at Persephone, an underwater lab that is studying a massive garbage patch off an island in the Pacific Ocean. As she is getting the tour of the facility, she runs into her old boyfriend Greg, who is with an activist group called Earth Pact that is also being shown around the facility. During the tour, the creatures in the specimen lab get riled up and sonar picks up a large object close to the lab. Maggie and the others go topside to investigate and see a giant 3-headed shark leap from the water and kill one of the activists. The shark begins attacking the lab, eventually destroying it and killing almost everyone with the only survivors being Maggie, Greg, Maggie’s boss, Dr. Nelson, and two other members of Greg’s activist group, Ryan and Allison. With the shark chasing them, the five people try escaping in Earth Pact’s boat and manage to make contact with a nearby fishing boat, finally convincing them to come help. Suddenly they notice that the shark has stopped chasing them and is now heading towards a nearby party barge. The shark begins attacking the barge, knocking some people into the water, and eating them, while others are injured as the barge begins sinking. Maggie and the others arrive to try and help, with Maggie, Dr. Nelson and Stanley, a passenger on the party barge, going to look for Howard, another passenger, while Greg, Ryan, Allison, and Rosemary, Howard’s girlfriend, try to help the other passengers. Maggie and the others manage to rescue Howard, but when the shark leaps onto the boats deck, Dr. Nelson ends up sliding down into the shark’s mouth. Realizing that the other passengers are too injured for them to try and save, they decide to get back in the Earth Pact’s boat but Ryan uses a fire axe to try and buy them some time by jumping of the boat and plunging the axe into the shark’s back, but it knocks him loose and eats him. Greg steers the boat to a nearby island and as they get close to it, the fishing boat, captained by Mike Burns, shows up and Burns’ crew begins shooting at the shark while Maggie and the others swim for the island. The shark leaps onto the boat, killing the two crew members in the process and begins attacking Burns but he manages to chop off the middle head with a machete. As Maggie and the other’s watch, Burns’ boat, with the shark body still on deck, drifts up to the island and finally runs aground, knocking the shark loose. As Burns walks up and asks if everybody is ok, the shark, with even more heads growing from the severed stump, suddenly lunges and eats Burns, causing everyone else to scream and head further inland. Greg notices someone running from a nearby hut and they all give chase, eventually catching up to him where they discover the evidence of an earlier rampage from the shark. Finding out where some boats are, Greg, Maggie, and Stanley go in one boat while Allison, Howard, Rosemary, and the other guy go in another. After the shark destroys the boat with Allison and the others, Maggie comes up with a plan to lure the shark back to the garbage patch and kill it. As they head towards the garbage patch, Stanley uses some garbage on the boat to lure the shark into following them but as he goes to toss the last bag, the shark leaps up and bites off his hand. Realizing that he won’t make it, Stanley jumps into the water to act as bait for the shark and is eaten. Greg had swam out to try and rescue Stanley but realizing that Stanley is dead, swims back to the boat with the shark close behind. As the shark tries to eat Greg, the various heads begin fighting over which one will eat him and end up biting and attacking each other. As Greg and Maggie watch, the shark continues attacking it’s own heads, eventually killing itself.
This movie was really funny, but I expected nothing less from an Asylum picture. The acting was decent for the most part although I will say that Rob Van Dam could have put some more emotion into his character. His acting seemed pretty stiff. Danny Trejo was really good for the short time he was in it. I especially loved it when he grabbed a machete to use against the shark. and I was really disappointed that there wasn’t some sort of Machete reference, at the very least in the gag reel for the DVD. The story somewhat original and I did like the whole shark/hydra angle they did. The effects were pretty good, better than the first movie in my opinion. If you are a fan of the cheesy Syfy shark movies, you will enjoy this movie.
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5