Ok. This is one of those movies that really started my love for the B-movie. Years ago….ok, make that a few decades, there used to be a video rental store. It was perfectly located, in my opinion, between the arcade and the Kroger by my dad and grandparents house. On the weekends that I spent with my dad, we would usually go there and see if there was something to watch. One day I saw the case for this movie and my thought process was more or less “The Incredible Hulk is playing Hercules and he is fighting robot monsters. This will be awesome!” So my dad rented it and we watched and now I introduce to you, Hercules (1983).
The plot: When Pandora’s jar is opened and unleashes all of the evils upon the world, Zeus decides to create a champion by empowering the baby Hercules. Minos, the commander of the army of Thebes, stages a revolt and kills the king and queen but fails to kill Hercules. After surviving being set adrift along a river, Hercules winds up being raised by a farmer and his wife. Wanting Hercules to be destroyed, Hera enlists the help of Minos, now King of Thera, to accomplish this task. Minos calls for Daedalus’ help, who gives him 3 mechanical creatures to use against Hercules. The first creature, a giant robotic insect, kills Hercules’ mother but Hercules is able to kill the monster. Trying to figure out what to do with his life, Hercules competes in a series of games held by King Augias and ultimately is asked to escort his daughter, Cassiopea, to Athens. However, Hercules falls in love with Cassiopea and tries to kiss her but is stunned by a bolt of lightning. Ariadne, the daughter of Minos, captures Cassiopea and Hercules but tosses Hercules into the ocean on their way back to Thera. Hercules manages to make it to the island of Circe who, after using his blood to regain her youth, offers to help him get to Thera in exchange for retrieving her magic charm from Hell. Minos sends the second creature, a robotic dragon, to kill Hercules but Hercules manages to reflect the creature’s deadly rays back on itself and destroys it. Hercules and Circe manage to retrieve her charm and she uses the magic to transport them to Africa, where the use Poseidon’s winged chariot to make their way to Thera. On the island, Circe is killed by the final robot, a giant centaur, but Hercules defeats the creature and makes his way to save Cassiopea. Making his way into Thera’s capital city of Atlantis, Hercules winds up being captured and Ariadne tries to seduce him but he resists and manages to escape. Hercules heads to the volcano where Minos is attempting to sacrifice Cassiopea but Hercules kills Minos and Ariadne, rescues Cassiopea, and manages to escape before the volcano erupts, destroying Atlantis.
This movie is everything you want in a B_movie; bad acting, ridiculous plot, and some cheesy special effects. No wonder I think this movie is great. The acting was pretty terrible, in fact Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning both won a Razzie for Worst New Star and Worst Supporting Actress respectively. The special effects were very flashy and were pretty low budget. The robot creatures….ahh, the robot creatures. The thing I remembered most about this movie was the horrible noise those creatures made. Besides, you have giant mechanical monsters fighting in ancient Greece. That is just funny to watch on it;s own. Definitely a “so bad it’s good” movie that is worth watching and laughing at.
Rating: 3 out of 5