January 27th, 2015 Movie – Future Hunters

future hunters

I love being surprised by movies. When you read the plot for a movie, and have a slight idea on what to expect, only to watch it and realize that your expectations were not even close. Those make for some of the most enjoyable movies because of the surprises they may have in store. Today’s movie, Future Hunters, is one of those types of movies and definitely one of the “so bad, it’s good” variety.

The plot: In the year 2025, a rebel searches the wasteland for a legendary object, the head of the spear that pierced the side of Jesus. When he grabs the spear, he gets transported back in time to 1986. Fatally wounded after a fight with some bikers, the rebel entrusts the spear to a young couple, Slade and Michelle, and tells them that they must return the spear to it’s sheathe otherwise it will be used to cause a nuclear holocaust. As Slade and Michelle¬†travel to various parts of the Orient in order to fulfill the man’s request, they are constantly harassed by a group of Nazi’s that want to use the spearhead to take control of the world’s nuclear arsenal.

Oh my god. This movie was freaking hysterical. First of all, this was the debut film of Robert Patrick, better known to most people as the liquid metal T-1000 from Terminator 2. Now to briefly hit on all of the ridiculous things in this movie that make it so entertaining. The movie starts out looking like a Mad Max rip-off. The sound effects for the guns are the typical gunfire sounds but when the tanks fire, it sounds like a laser blast. A random kung-fu fight between Slade (Robert Patrick) and his friend against an old man who did not want them to enter a pagoda. A car chase that starts during the night and instantly finishes in the daytime. Mongol warriors on horseback fighting Nazi’s and cave dwelling midgets. Amazons fighting the Nazi’s. A few scenes that looked like they were ripped off from Temple Of Doom, such as the bridge scene and a person being eaten by crocodiles. An earthquake unleashing giant boulders that bounce off people when they hit them (cause they are obviously made of styrofoam). And several plot holes big enough to drive a semi through. All this wrapped up in about 96 minutes worth of movie that will not seem wasted.

So if you want some unexpected laughs when you aren’t supposed to laugh, then you need to watch this movie.

Rating: 3 out of 5


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